Isn’t there supposed to be a poll option offering pastry for those of us who don’t have custody of someone under 18?
Moreover, since the question is “Do” rather than “Did,” I’m wondering which option people should choose if they have a 17-year-old whom they spanked when he was two.
Never.
I don’t have kids, but if I did, I could never hit them, no matter how badly they behaved. It just doesn’t work. My mother used to beat the shit out of me, and I used to live in fear of her, because I couldn’t see any pattern behind it, and the next move I made could result in another unexpected beating. Eventually, I got into the mentality of, “well I’m going to get hit no matter what I do, so I might as well do whatever I want.”
Long story short: hitting your kid could make it more badly behaved, and cause psychological damage.
The only times I have ever felt like spanking, was when I lost my temper. But then I realized, that was my failing.
So, no and never will.
(father to a rambunctious almost 5 year old)
Yes, but only as part of a long chastisement ritual. First there are warnings, then counting, then de-pantsing, putting over my lap, and ten swats on the butt. Then a talking-to, a time out, and a required apology and explanation of what she did wrong when I return or we keep having time outs till she does.
The spanking is part of the ritual, not discipline on its own. She is two and a half and I’ve spanked her four times. The last time was three or four months ago. We haven’t gotten past the counting since then.
Never. Raised two really good kids.
No. But I have grabbed them by the arm when they were little and dragged them to a timeout spot when warranted, and then after the timeout was served I asked them to come explain to me why they got that timeout. When I was satisfied with their answer I would sent them on their way. We decided early not to get physical with them, altho there have been moments of barking at them when needed. That seemed to be enough for us, but I am not at all critical of people who chose a different path.
OK, one time my young daughter punched me in the crotch and I reacted by punching her in the arm. I was out of line, for sure, but she stopped hitting me after that. When my son was about the same age he was into hitting and he punched me in the belly and I again reacted by punching him in the arm and asking how he liked it. He stopped hitting that day. In hindsight, I do not think these occurances were justified (on my part), but I lost my cool - I’m human.
They are both in their early teens now and turning out to be a couple of pretty interesting and cool young adults.
Thread starter, what prompted the question? A disagreement between parenting styles, or considering having children? Because my husband and I were raised with very different ideas of discipline, and found middle ground despite our backgrounds.
I could NEVER EVER lay a hand on a creature that is smaller than me in order to inflict pain. When my cat is naughty (i.e attacks our other cat for shits and giggles) she gets picked up and cradled like a baby, which is punishment for her because she despises it.
LOL. Why the heck did your daughter punch you in the crotch? I once kicked my dad in the nuts but it was an accident - I had one hand on the back of a chair and one hand on the kitchen counter and was swinging back and forth. I wasn’t paying attention and wound up getting my dad right in the store. I also was unaware at the time that a man’s crotch was very sensitive.
Yes, but I haven’t had to in years. I used it when he was young and there was a safety issue. The time he thought it would be funny to take off top speed in a Target, jinking around clothes racks and then hiding comes to mind. A hell-for-leather sprint into the parking lot was another. Unless he did something where a learning curve was unacceptable, I used other ways.
I think the mistake that parents often make is in using it as punishment only. I think it’s best used to establish authority when your kid is too young to consider consequences but physically capable of causing themselves harm. It’s a small window.
No. We are very clear with our daughter that we do not hit in our family. What kind of mind fuck would that be for a kid to be told over and over, “Don’t hit! We don’t hit in this house! Don’t hit the dog!” or whatever and then to get spanked for a punishment? I had one moment where I instinctively wanted to spank my daughter because she let go of my hand and darted off through a very busy parking lot but even then I didn’t hit her, I just picked her up and strapped her into her car seat and told her we do not EVER run away like that because cars can hurt you.
Hell no I don’t spank. I don’t think it’s necessarily child abuse (although it often is) but it’s a stupid form of discipline.
Not as such. I have slapped on the hand/wrist on occasion, which is meant more as a “snap out of it, pay attention” notice than to inflict actual pain.
With my oldest, for about 3 months, my then wife and I used spanking to punish… it was utterly non-productive. Even then it was never done in anger. And was only done for serious issues where he received three warnings. But like I said, it didn’t work at modifying his behavior. So after a few months we quit. And I never tried it at all with my youngest.
My kids are grown now but neither one of them would know what a proper spanking was like. They did spend plenty of time in time-out though.
I’m a teacher in the UK, so spanking is illegal.
Which I fully agree with.
Please clarify. Illegal for a teacher or illegal for a parent? I’m not being obtuse. The public schools in my state still paddle kids.
What prompted it is I’m having some power struggles with my 5 year old twins right now. I have tried to resolve to not yell at them, but when I don’t yell at them I’m still frustrated and I feel like spanking maybe a better disciplinary method. Timeouts and removing privileges really don’t do much when you have two 5 year olds that can entertain each other even when they’re in timeout. I’ve tried separating them but they have ways of communicating with each other even when they’re in separate rooms. It’s getting to where I feel like tearing my own hair out, and I love them to death but they are the most active and mischievous children. They really aren’t bad kids, and they don’t do anything intentionally to be bad, but they sure find ways to get into things when they know they shouldn’t be doing it.
Do you post on any “parents of multiples” websites? I bet the people there would be able to give you advice.