Me and Mr. Tot are of different minds on this subject. He says that he tells me everything, including secrets about his friends so I should tell him everything. I do tell him everything about myself*, but I don’t tell him things that others have confided in me. Not just stuff they tell me to to tell anyone, either, I don’t tell him things that for one reason I don’t think he needs to know. There are many reasons for this, for one I value the privacy of my friends. Another reason is Mr. Tot’s big mouth. He doesn’t mean to be such a blabbermouth, but the man can’t keep a secret.
So, do you tell your significant other everything, or do you keep things back? Why or why not? And, for the sake of research, are you male or female? I’m curious to see if this is divided along gender lines.
Female. If I’m asked to keep a secret my SO is not exempt from that request. I know which of my friends tell their SO’s everything, and those are the people I don’t confide in.
Also, my SO doesn’t give much of a shit about the personal lives of people he doesn’t know very well. I try to keep our conversation interesting for both of us.
Black12, I feel the same way. For example a mutual friend told me something about his/her past (which I am not going to reveal here, honey, so go back to your netporn) that for some reason or another he/she didn’t choose to tell my husband. What kind of friend would I be if I told? Especially since I’m sure they only told me because I wouldn’t tell anybody.
Back in the day (hundreds of years ago) when I had these legendary “SO’s”, I would, in deed, offer up any tiny little bit of information that crossed my little brain. Of course, not everything was of any interest, so not everything was actually shared. I believe that loving partners should not keep anything from each other, ever, under any circumstances.
Then again, I am single. My opinions aren’t even worth the electrons they’re printed on.
In short, Of course I don’t tell him everything. in long:
I do ** not ** tell my SO confidences others have shared. that’s called breaking a confidence. Unless of course, you tell the friend first “tater, will you keep a secret?” “friend, well, yes, except from tot, of course, who will blab it to the first person he sees…” yea, that would work.
In addition, theres’ a thousand and one incidents that happen every day that I don’t shaaaaaaaaaaaare with my SO. I don’t generally, for instance, tell him how my shower went or if I had loose stools with my bowel movement.
I also don’t tell him what I’m giving him for his birthday (although I doooo like to torture him with the fact that I found something splendid for him).
I also don’t tell him all the details of my friends not so secret conversations, on the basis that he probably wouldn’t be interested in the fact that Suzie bought some new paper…
Important stuff? you bet, like “honey, we need milk” although I’m not convinced that he listens.
I tell my hubby everything, and he tells me everything as well. But then again, he is a very discreet man, and I don’t need to worry about him saying anything that I don’t want repeated.
Okay, this is driving me nuts. Please mentally insert a question mark into the thread title each time you see it. Thank you.
This will be my last correction in this thread.
Also, I’m not so much talking about the little everythings, i.e. what you ate for breakfast as the big everythings like your best friend has herpes. (Not that mine does, honey, so go back to PlayboyOnline)
Yeah, just the other day I shared my thoughts with Mrs. D., “Check out the tight asses on them coeds. Remember when you used to have buns like that?” Our relationship is so much stronger for that moment of sharing.
What you may not sufficiently appreciate is, men are basically disgusting pigs. (And I mean that in a nice way.) Believe me, you don’t want to know most of the drivel that takes up most of men’s thoughts.
Another thing is, guys are stupid. Their simple brains simply don’t process so much stuff their SO’s might consider vital. Like, “Oh yeah, I guess Bob told me his wife’s mom has cancer. What kind? Uh - did I tell you he got a new set of tires?”
At the moment I can’t think of a guy I know who doesn’t “forget” to tell his SO something he knows she won’t like. It may be the exact number of beers he had while playing cards. Or he may keep a stash of a few bucks somewhere for “off budget” emergencies.
IMO, the big line is between “forgetting” to mention something, and outright lying about it when asked. The former I have been guilty of. The latter, never! (You believe me, don’t you?)
My wife is discreet and caring, so I have no misgivings about sharing confidences with her, especially since she is good at helping me look at my own responses to any larger issues that may come out of the confidences. However, if I have been sworn not to tell a soul, then I will not talk to my wife about it.
And if Mr. Tot can’t keep a secret, then I think you are certainly justified in your position.
And the friend with herpes, if he asked me not to tell Mrs. D, I’d respect that. If I thought Mrs. D was gonna be fucking him, damn skippy I’d tell her!
Well, I’m male, and this sort of applies to me. I don’t have an SO right now, but if I did, I would want it to be the kind of woman I could tell just about anything to.
But I’m tactful, so I wouldn’t say things like “your ass sags more now.” But if I am made to feel uncomfortable around a woman for speaking my mind in general, then she proably isn’t right for me then.
Secrets about OTHER people are a different matter. I usually assume other people have the same level of intimacy with their SO’s that I desire for myself (I know this probably isn’t the case most of the time though) so I’m real careful what I tell people in serious relationships. I usually specify if it’s not to be shared with their SO. If other people tell me things, I use my best judgement. Does my SO know the other person? Would this bit of info lower my SO’s opinion of the other person? How many other people did the person tell before me? Did the other person ask me not to tell? Do I need to tell my SO for some reason? These all go into my decision making process.
male. No secrets here, in either direction (of course, who can know for sure? But I trust her…). Kinda wanted it that way. I don’t know that I’d be comfortable in a relationship without that, as I have had a history of several rather brutal betrayals…
Both of us have no problem keeping our mouths zipped to others when called for.
I can’t think of an instance where someone told me something in confidence that I was requested to keep from my husband. I’m not sure how comfortable I would be with that. On the other hand, our friends know that we are the “sharing” type, so they probably assume that what they say to one they say to both.
Female. Nope I don’t. If it’s something concerning our relationship then I do, if it concerns someone else, then no. I don’t ask him, and he doesn’t ask me.
I don’t tell my husband things that were told to me in confidence. Every now and again, someone passes along a particulary juicy bit of gossip (like when someone told me that she had the hots for my brother :eek: ) and I’ll just ask, “Wow! Can I tell Jeff?” and I abide by their wishes. Jeff’s not a bigmouth, anyway.
The only exception to this would be a situation where a close friend or family member was in some kind of danger. (this has happened–but he told me the confidential information)
I also don’t tell him everything about myself. I see no advantage in full disclosure. I mean, there has to be a good reason to keep something from your spouse, but if you have a good reason, you have a good reason. Why would I tell him that I had an unclean thought about someone who was not him? Telling him that would have no benefit to either of us. Now, if I was seriously thinking of acting on that unclean thought…well, that’s information that is relevant to our marriage, so I would probably tell him. Then we could work out whatever problem was causing me to think that way.
Female. I share almost everything with hubby, from “Wow that guy has a nice ass!” to “My best friend may be pregnant.” My friends know that if they don’t want me to tell him, then they have to say and i do respect their wishes. I also tell him i have something i am not telling him.
One thing I don’t share with hubby is the root password to his PC. He will never know that.
I used to tell my SO everything but after a while, she told me not to! (see the earlier thread about the buns on coeds!! – it went basically the same way … Me: “Wow … check out that blonde! Her breasts are massive! … and it is awesome how the nipples are poking through her shirt” SO: “Shut up you pig! You don’t need to share EVERYTHING with me!”. )
Anyway, I tell SO everything. And I mean everything. I know for a fact that he doesn’t share his knowledge, he is very good at keeping secrets. But I just feel very uncomfortable when I know something and he doesn’t. I usually feel the need to discuss and explore whatever I know, and I can’t do that by myself.
I’m pretty sure he shares everything with me, although, since I’m not a mind reader, I can’t know for sure. However, it really doesn’t matter, since I’m the talker in the relationship. And if I have a specific question, he’ll answer it, even if normally he wouldn’t volunteer that kind of information.
He DOES say things like “Wow, check out those breasts!” It doesn’t really bother me, I can appreciate a good pair of breasts. And I’ll share with him in the same way, including inpure thoughts. Like I said, I would feel uncomfortable keeping anything from him. I guess it’s because I don’t share anything with anybody else.
