I know over a year ago, I posted a thread saying how people shouldn’t start dating until they are 18. However, you must understand that because I really don’t like most of the girls at my school (a lot of them are superficial/shallow/rude/or just not attractive), I hardly ever get crushes. I had a crush in 7th grade and she turned me down - and now I have a crush right now who I am working to pursue, at 16 as a sophomore in high school (sadly, I am probably going to get turned down again - but that’s life).
Anyway, I haven’t told my parents yet, but they have picked up on how my self-awareness has recently sky-rocketed and have been wondering, “Why is he doing that?”
In seventh grade, they said I couldn’t date until I was 18 or 21 or something like that, but I kept pressing the issue and I think they actually would have let me, but she said “no” so that was that. But now, I think they have sort of forgotten about that and now I would have to press the issue again.
I am planning on only telling them in the slim chance this girl actually says “yes”. Then I will tell them - otherwise I will just keep it a secret from them and move on.
The reason I am so afraid to bring up this issue with my parents is because they will either laugh at me and tease me about it or they will get angry (probably a combination of both will happen). I am of Indian descent, however we aren’t really the traditional type - my whole family consists of love marriages (no arranged) and they don’t cling to the beliefs that married couples should live with their parents or that the guy is the “head” of the relationship or anything like that. So they will let me find someone I love. But still, being Indian and all, my parents still cling to the mentality that I shouldn’t grow up too fast.
Last time in seventh grade when I brought this issue up, the kinds of reasons they gave me against me dating were:
We were in your position too.
These are you childhood days and you should be enjoying them.
You can just be friends. Why do you want to get so serious?
Your grades will suffer.
Anyway, most of this is TLDR - but I still want your opinions and for you to cast your vote in the poll and and I was wondering if you had any advice on talking to my parents on this issue, if I end up having to.
My two best friends started dating when he was 15 and she was 16. They both graduated near the top of their classes, went to college and graduated cum laude, grew up and got married and had a kid and are as happy as can be. It didn’t ruin anything for them.
If you are suddenly paying a lot more attention to your hygiene they know exactly what is going on. And they are happy for you. Ask her to a movie or something. Enjoy having a crush. I didn’t start dating till well into my 20s. My contemporaries who were dating as early as 11 years old have been happier people their whole lives. Studies first is wrong my experience shows.
You think? I mean they asked me a couple times here and there (and once or twice in a teasing way) why I am changing so drastically all of a sudden (as in asking for better clothes, focusing more on hygiene, working out, etc) and I just shrugged it off. I heard my mom talking on the phone the other day and she said that I am becoming a lot more self-aware and then, “I don’t know…(small giggle)”
So what I am trying to say is they definitely noticed a huge change in me all of a sudden but I am not sure they immediately know that I like a girl.
Unimportant junk that is irrelevant to this thread:
As for my current crush, I don’t think she likes me back. The only good sign I see is that she smiles when I talk to her but all girls do *that *and for some reason she was looking at me a lot the other day (and not smiling). That day I was just giving her quick glances to see if she was looking at me, but then once, I looked at her and I smiled and then looked away and I think she twitched a little when I did that.
Those are the only good signs I am seeing, and she doesn’t even look at me anymore in class (I think because after the seat change, she’s with all her friends so she’s busy talking to them).
Really, I don’t think she likes me because she never makes an effort to talk to me first or say “hey” to me first - I always have to initiate small talk and she always seems to “conclude” the conversation quickly (like within a minute or two) and then flees. So I am 95% sure she doesn’t like me, but because YOLO, I will try asking for her number on Monday, and if she says “no” to that, then I will know my answer for sure and get on with my life.
Do they still require Romeo & Juliet as reading. Love happens, it is normal and beautiful and sometimes, involves sex btw, let those who oppose love oppose God (which is what they are doing).
You can’t even imagine it, and for me, so far it has been a reality…
But then again, I have only had two crushes (one of them is my current one) that I have tried/am trying to pursue (I may have had a few others, but none of them were strong enough in order for me to pursue them) because like I said, I am not attracted to most of the girls at my school for various reasons.
Well, they are hoping you like girls, not boys, but yes, they know exactly what it is. They didn’t get you out of a Cheerios box or mail order. This is really the biggest “duh” in the whole world.
This is a little bit like wondering whether they know you use the bathroom.
What you’re going through is human nature. The timing might vary by a few years, the details might vary a little, but the actual stages are pretty much there in black and white written into our DNA.
That’s the thing that gets me about teenagers. It’s like they all believe they’re the first person to have ever felt this way or gone through these changes. Trust me, man, a teenager finishing puberty is about as subtle as a bull in a china shop. EVERY adult knows what you’re going through and they probably know more about it than you do because they’ve gone through the other end and had a chance to look back on it. You’re neither as unique as you think nor as clever in hiding it.
(And I don’t say this to be mean in any way. I’m just trying to put things into a perspective that you probably won’t have for another ten years or so.)
As far as dating goes, 16 is fine. But go into because you feel like it’s something you want to do, not just because everyone else is doing it and you want emulate them. And when you’re head over heels in love and think you’re ready to die for this one true love - the first true love any human has ever discovered! - just remember that I said that this is a phase of development too. It’s perfectly natural to be insane at this stage of your life, but please let at least part of your brain be aware that you are insane.
FTR: I was a skinny, awkward, brace faced kid who couldn’t throw a ball to save his life. I didn’t get a lot of girls either. But that wasn’t the point. It was the chase man, the chase!
I was like Charlie Brown with that shit. I didn’t care how many times Lucy took that ball away at the last minute, it wasn’t going to stop me from trying.
Well I am aware that it happens to pretty much every teenager. However, do you really think my parents know what’s going on…already…without even me telling them? Because here’s the difference. My dad didn’t actually date in his teenage years even though he may have had crushes.
Yeah man. I don’t want to date just because other people are doing it. That is irrelevant to me. In fact, the only time I really want to date is when I have a crush.
Again, this is one of those things that you will realize somewhere around age 25. You’ll be looking back on your life and the light bulb will go on and you’ll say “Wait a minute! My parents knew what they were talking about!” Again, the precise timing and details may vary somewhat, but having that epiphany is another step along the stages of life.
If they know, then how come they didnt actually say anything about it…besides pointing out that I am making a lot of drastic sudden changes? Or asked me a more direct question asking if I am interested in girls?
EDIT: well I dont think I am getting any sex until college…because there I can do it behind my parents’ back, but not while I am lving under their roof.
