I was playing a mmorpg online about a year ago, and I got to be friends with all my guildmates. We played together for a while, and traded names and states where we live. It wasn’t anything we were trying to hide, like “hi, my name is Joe, and I live in florida.” Anyways, I found someone who ended up living relatively close to me (like 40 mins away) and we started talking. That was about 10 months ago or so, and since then we have grown closer and closer together, and now we are going out. We meet like once a week or two at a mall inbetween us. The catch? His parents are fine with the relationship. My parents are against it in every way possible.
I wrote an article in my school newspaper basically telling the world my feelings, in hopes that they would finally take me seriously and let me give the relationship a try. I got a lot of compliments and go for its by friends, but turns out parents got the calls from friends parents asking who the hell this guy is.
I know parents are probably just looking out for my safety, but if they could just meet the guy, then they would find out how sweet and caring he really is. My guy’s parents are also into the idea of meeting my parents, and are willing to travel close to me in order to do it. My parents, unfortunately, are very against the idea, and have threatened me more than once to break off the relationship, all without ever meeting the guy.
(I’m 16, hes 17, so we both still go to high school)
Im just asking everyones opinions on this: Should I take my parents advice (demands) and break it off with bf of whom I really like, or should I persist in my quest, and hope against all hopes that they will finaly consent to this?
Assuming I have this correctly…WHERE you met him is their only objection?..then I think they’re being ridiculous. Not ununderstandable…this stuff just wasn’t around when they were teenagers. And there ARE weirdos on the net (like everywhere) some of whom use it to disguise who they are to meet 16 year old girls. (BTW I hope you (both of you) took every precausion when you did meet…veriying you were who you said you were as many was possible, talking on the phone, meeting in a public place with friends…in fact meeting with your parent with you would have been a good idea).
That said…the internet isn’t just for weirdos anymore…more and more people are going to meet this way…more and more are going to fall in love and get married this way (I seem to be about to become one of them :>>>>).
And since you’ve already met him and verified he’s a nice 17 year old boy…seems like the silliest thing they can do is refuse to meet him and check him out for themselves.
No, as far as what they’ve told me, they are against it because he is someone they have never met.
Also, I met him face to face for the first time at a renaissance festival, with my mom there, surrounded by people including other friends of mine. (we exchanged photos/phone #'s, and met in an area where we both had backup incase someone lied)
His parents calling is a good idea, Im gonna mention it to him next time we talk. Thanks for the help!
I can’t believe that your parents would influence your decision to go out with someone. You’re sixteen. I remember when I was sixteen – ten years ago :eek:
I had a car, a life, a job, and an endless parade of boyfriends and my parents didn’t say boo if I was home by curfew every night.
I’m not sure why your parents are so adamant against him. This looks like the ideal relationship, from a parent’s perspective:
He lives a little ways away
You mainly communicate through text
There’s not much opportunity for you guys to really get into trouble
There are ripe opportunities for your parents to get involved
If I were you I would present my parents with a fait accompli. I would invite the boyfriend and his parents out for dinner close by, and then tell your parents they can come along if they want. They may drag their feet but I bet they would see the light eventually.
And then instead of fearing the faceless BOYFRIEND they will meet your friend and his parents and maybe find out that he’s a pretty nice guy.
Or, if you don’t like the dinner idea, what’s stopping you from getting his parents on the phone and handing the phone off to your mother or father? Are you worried about their reactions? Frankly, I think that good communication from all parties involved will make everything smoother. Your parents and his parents might become friends too, you never know.
I had an online friend for about three years. He lived in Washington State, and my parents thought he was wonderful because of the above four reasons.
Hmm, maybe I should look that guy up, see how he’s doing…
If he didn’t live 40 minutes away from you, I’d say doomed to fail. Your parents are probably more scared of internet horror stories and predators than anything.
I met my wife online, but of course, we’re both in our 30s and had no one to answer to about dating.
It seems like they’re overreacting. They should meet him and get to know him before saying anything.
My step-son had a online girlfriend for a while. It was great because he didn’t have any physical contact and we could take away his computer privledges to punish him.
Why don’t your parents even want to meet his guy? If you came home and said you met a neat guy at school, the mall, where ever, and you wanted them to meet him, how would they react? Ask them whether this is really any different: you just want them to meet a guy you like. Your folks ought to be grateful that you’re not sneaking around and that you care what they think. On-line dating is potentially very dangerous, but it sounds like you’re past that hurdle and you’ve gotten to know this guy face to face.
Can you deal with your parents separately? Maybe just one of them is really opposed to this, and the other is just going along (consistent discipline, etc.). Maybe you could arrange for your mom or dad to meet this guy with you but without the other parent. Or maybe your mom could meet the guy’s mom. Or maybe there is some large function somewhere (a ball game maybe? a school show?) where you could take your folks and the guy could take his, and you could just “casually” bump into each other? (Having everybody meet for dinner isn’t a bad idea, but it sounds a little too formal if your folks are as negative about this as you say. There is also the possibility that the two sets of parents won’t like each other, which could make for a really miserable evening and won’t help your cause at all.)
Hey, I took up with a long-haired, bearded, foreign, guitar-playing high school dropout without a normal job after meeting HIM on the internet, and Qadgop hasn’t shot him yet!
(It’s more of a closely-trimmed goatee, really. And he’s from Canada, which is not that threatening as foreign countries go. And he had to drop out of high school because of severe medical problems. And he got his GED last year. And he’s auditioning in a month to be a guitar major in the music program at a well-respected music school. And he just took on another guitar student. But it just SOUNDS terrible, doesn’t it? Anyway, we’ve done extremely well for a relationship that Moo the Magic Cow would call “doomed”.)
Definitely have his parents talk to your parents. He will be less of a SCARY INTERNET GOON once his parents are telling yours what a nice boy he is and commiserating about raising teenagers and telling embarassing stories about you guys as children.
If your parents let you date at ALL, point out to them that after this much contact with him, you know a lot more about him than you would know about say, some guy at school who’d just moved into town, or someone you might meet at college in a couple of years.
I had a fairly similar relationship at about 17. Didn’t work out because I lacked a car, so I couldn’t get to her regularly. And we weren’t much alike. I don’t see why things shouldn’t be OK with the two of you. I guess I can understand your parents’ problem with dating a guy they don’t know, but then they refuse to remedy the solution? I agree that having his parents call yours could be a good idea.
If you really like the guy I think you should keep seeing him. If your parents continue to have a problem with the relationship just don’t tell them when you’re meeting him.
At 16, your parents shouldn’t be able to say who you can and can’t date. My dad banned me from seeing a guy when I was 14-ish. I just saw him in secret.
I don’t know about that. I’d like to think that should I ever have a daughter, I’ll have at least some say in who she dates at least until she’s no longer under my roof.
On the other hand, I would certainly meet the little bastards before refusing permisson
Back to the OP: can this guy drive, or get a ride? I was thinking maybe you could just have him show up on your doorstep, and introduce him to the less hostile parent. When they see he doesn’t have four arms or a gun or something they’d probably come around and help you convince the other one.
If your dad is a really big guy, don’t try this one.
[any dad with a teenage daughter]
am i going to let you date some nerd you met on Everquest?! not especially after you’ve put me in a spot with that school newspaper of yours!? you’re grounded lady!!!
[/adwatd]
Then I sure hope your a better judge of charecter then my dad!
Examples
Ex 1 -
My dad - “He’s not good enough for you. You are not to see him again.”
He was actually a nice guy. We dated a few months until things fizzled out.
Ex 2 -
My dad - “Your mum tells me your dating ****. He seems like a nice guy”
The guy actually turned out to be a use 'em lose 'em type.
He seems to have gotten it right with my now-boyfriend though.
Thank you soooo much everyone for responding to my thread! All the help and ideas are much appreciated, and I hope to try out at least one if not more of them in the near future.
(hoping to get parents in here to see your responses soon too, to help them see other peoples ideas and thoughts on this)
I agree that having his parents call yours could be a good idea.