But some might and, really, for the sake of some principle about human dignity or cowardice or whatever, is it really worth the pain? I had a friend who I ghosted because he became an extremely arrogant and controlling prick. Why on earth would I even want to discuss arrogance and controlling with someone like that? Thus, I ghost.
And I’ve been ghosted by a couple of different people who I thought were among my best friends and I can look back and figure out some possible reasons. Sure, at the time it wasn’t pleasant but it’s their right and prerogative to determine who’s in their lives.
And my personal doctrine is, to whatever extent possible I determine and control who’s in my life.
…and these days, there aren’t really that many excuses to not reply to someone because the majority.of people are attached to their devices and carry them with them all day. So, people can get so busy, that they can’t take two seconds to send someone a quick text to even just say, sorry really busy will connect when I get a minute? I mean please, this is an instant gratification world we now live in because of all this technology. I am Not saying that is a good thing, but nonetheless, it is true. So much so, that our devices all have quick responses that we can just tap and send. There, it’s that easy.
And what if the ghoster is a woman and the ghostee is a male friend who has become aggressive and/or potentially violent. Is Ms Ghost supposed to meet up with the guy for a rationale and objective conversation about why they should stop being friends?
Again, easier for you. That thought process doesn’t take him into consideration only his actions. And,while I do not blame you for not wanting to hangout with this person any linger, if he was a good friend, maybe telling him would have made him rethink how he is acting. Keep in mind I am not speaking of someone/people you may have just met or just be casual acquaintance with.
And then the complaint will be, I suppose, “s/he didn’t even take the time to type out a response to me! What kind of person uses autoresponses? They must not care about me!” If that’s the case, that’s just some emotionally needy behavior, IMHO.
For me, a text is, get back when you can, if you can, if you want to, if you remember to. I’m not going to worry about your motivation for why you did or did not respond to a text or if you did so in a timely manner in a way that was satisfactory to me, because there’s no sense in doing so. If I don’t hear from you, I’m sure you have reasons, or maybe you just plain forgot.
Wow, that’s exhausting. I never said someone had to even reply right away. When one gets a chance, if they are THAT busy, to have the courtesy to even do a a quick response. And, by the way, the text doesn’t actually tell you they used a quick response. I was making a point. Clearly, any excuse to do whatever people want to do or get a way with.
But if I really am busy, no, I CANNOT even send a quick response. I might not even see the text. And my phone is always on silent. And by the time I may have a break, I might forget about it, or I might just plain not feel like answering because I’m in a work break, or want to go to sleep, or whatever. There’s plenty of reasons not to respond at your first opportunity.
Why do you say “also”? I’ve said nothing about you (or did you call another post “telling” earlier in the thread?). FTR, I do generally respond quickly to texts and I’ve pretty much never ghosted a person. At least I can’t think of anyone I’ve intentionally ghosted.
You just specifically said that we’re not talking about husband, daughter, best friend.
You may be expecting instant gratification from everyone you know. Quite a lot of people aren’t living like that. And expecting people to be continuously ready to yank their attention away from whatever’s going on in the rest of their lives in order to reply to a non-emergency text from a casual acquaintance is absurd.
– so now you say we’re not talking about casual acquaintances. But you also said we’re not talking about spouses or long-term relationships. Who are we supposed to be talking about here, exactly?
This, exactly.
And some people may have a dozen texts wanting attention; and a three year old at their elbow. You are not the only possible call on the time of someone who may already be exhausted.
I suspect that in most cases where someone just “drops off the face of the earth” , it either is 1) just a matter of life getting in the way rather than a conscious decision by one person to stop speaking to the other(s). For example, I lost touch with a number of my high school friends when we all went off to different colleges and moved away and the same thing happened when people moved at other points in my life or when some people had kids and lost touch with childless friends because schedules were no longer compatible or 2) There is a specific reason why one person stops speaking to the other and both people really do know what the reason is although one may claim not to. ( For example, A says she will attend B’s wedding - and just doesn’t show up , doesn’t call to say she isn’t coming , doesn’t ever call to apologize for neither showing up not calling. And then professes to not understand why B is no longer speaking to her. ) Sure, there are some cases where A deliberately stops speaking to B for no apparent reason, but I think that’s pretty rare.
Wow, okay. People are taking the use of examples too literal. You are all making it sound like you have an endless amount of best friends, casual acquaintances and family and you are so busy ALL the time you have time for no one and nothing. good for you.
I am talking about people in general no matter the relationship is! Not just spouses, not just family, not just friends. Everyone.
What I meant when I said I wasn’t talking about a spouse or significant other was that I never said that a spouse or significant other would do that. But, with that said, that is how people break up with people these days too (not ALL people do this to be clear) They just disappear… this not acceptable no matter who it is coming from, in my opinion.
Your posts inspired me to drop a quick text to a couple of close friends that I haven’t kept in touch with during Covid. I said that I’ve really been enjoying being a hermit and doing artwork with no one around: “So don’t feel special, I’ve been ignoring EVERYONE :~)” I got responses that they’ve been hermits as well, and we should get together maybe after the holidays.
Not all reasons are that obvious. And I do not agree that both people know the reason if the reason is not as obvious as the example you used. It isn’t always for reasons such as not showing up to something. While I understand you were using that just as an example, sometimes nothing actually physically happens when people drop off.
There are 7.9 billion people on the planet. There’s no way I’m going to try to text all of them.
I make time for friends in ways that fit in both their lives and my life. That includes allowing them time to live their lives without my demanding constant attention from them. And it means that when we do get together, we have each others’ attention, because we’re not spending that time together answering other people’s texts.
I think most posters here are pretty good at looking at both sides, and understand where you’re coming from. I feel like you don’t think we know there are other perspectives – that’s fully understood and implicit in talking about opinions.
I agree that everyone is voicing their opinion, but don’t necessarily agree that everyone takes into consideration the other side of it whether it’s a post on this site or in real life.
