Oh, sorry. I didn’t see the question mark on my iPhone.
Oh, and there is some evidence that pair bonding with too many people does weaken the bond you feel with the person you do end up marrying.
Well then don’t be a whore. But do make the beast with two backs many times with the person you intend on marrying before actually getting married.
Why would you want to avoid bonding with the person you want to marry?
I think that would take a lot of pairing, but it’s immaterial to the question of having sex with a person before you marry them because whatever “weakening” may have occurred has already occurred. It will still be just as “weak” after you marry them as before.
It didn’t hurt my bonding with my own wife, by the way. In fact, she’s the only partner I ever felt bonded with at all.
Probably 'cause she’s the only one who would have sex with you. 
I was in a band. I did fine.
I don’t know how to answer this question, because I don’t know whether I’m supposed to answer for myself – do I think it’s important for ME to have sex with someone before I marry her – or for everyone – do I think it’s important for ANYONE to have sex with someone before he she marries that person.
These would have different answers. Yes, it’s important for me (and I did). But others may not want to, for a variety of reasons. I’ve known plenty of couples who were virgins on their wedding day, and have had long, happy marriages.
That’s a new one on me.
Read the OP and the thread and tell me it’s not a loaded question inspired to infuriate people.
I hear those barbershop quartet guys get all the ass.
With all due respect, the question is only loaded because you see it that way. I created this identical poll phrased the same exact way on 7 different forums and this is the only forum to give me grief about the wording.
I really am trying to find some true data on the nature of mankind here. I really want to know the general opinion on how important sexual compatibility is to people before they get married. I don’t have an agenda, even though there is a purpose to the question. I’m not trying to trap anyone. I want honesty and I am in no way intending on judging anyone about the results or answers to this poll. I took pains to ensure that the question would be unloaded because I really want the answers to my polls to be as truthful as possible. In hindsight I suppose I failed in that regard but I don’t know how to ask the question any other way, especially considering the 10 choice limit.
As my good friend Noe says, “take it eeeessee.”
I’d rather have sex with my partner before getting married, but it’s not a really big deal.
Atheist here. Can’t see any upside to waiting till after your wedding! ( Unless of course your particular brand of religion goes in for deflowering your bride over the altar surrounded by temple virgins accompanied by the best men and maids getting it on too! Yup that may be worth waiting for… ( I don’t get invited to weddings much)
Not important, atheist, male. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with premarital sex, but I don’t think it’s important to have sex with someone before you marry them. However, I do think it’s important to discuss sexuality and morals and/or ethics as they pertain to sex, in order to establish that both partners have reasonable, and compatible, expectations.
Sexual technique can be learned, developed, and refined as long as both partners are interested and cooperative. Sexual desire can change over time, and the frequency of sexual activity can be restricted by factors beyond either partner’s control. The attitudes and expectations that both partners bring to the relationship are crucial to dealing with the stuff that our bodies and life circumstances throw at us. Sexual compatibility is much more about the compatibility of attitude and expectation than about technique and frequency.
My parents and his parents and his ancestors back to Og knows when married without having had sex previously and it worked. Many of them had barely seen each other in person before the wedding night, not due to arranged marriages but to long-distance courting.
My maternal grandparents hadn’t had sex by the definition used by many people in these boards. They were still having sex in their 80s.
My brother and his wife were both virgins in their wedding night. So far it’s worked, two kids, 10 year anniversary next month. But on the long road here there have been things like a conversation between SiL, Mom and me where the widow and the unmarried woman explained doggy style and cowgirl style to the married woman - who would never have been able to talk with us about their sexual problems if she hadn’t been married to my brother while having them; those sexual problems are partly due to SiL’s need for control (which has gotten much better since she had the first child) but partly due to a physiological abnormality which makes frontal penetration difficult.
The two points which helped their sex life most were that conversation and the birth of the Kidlet; neither would have happened outside of marriage, not for SiL. And while their sex life was clearly unsatisfactory for both for several years, there’s two things which are more important: first, that they wanted to make it better and make it better together, and second, that the party which didn’t have psychological hangups wouldn’t have let go of the other party in a million years.
Do they listen to their partner or not? Are they willing to take and give pointers (verbal or not)? If a guy slobbers all over me, squeezes me until I can’t breathe (or tries to give me a pap exam via my tonsils), and responds to “honey, could you hug me a bit less tight?” with “I’ve never had any complaints” - I don’t want to bed him, much less to marry him! Thanks, tdn.
Note that in a culture like mine in which the main points of marriage are reproduction and legal benefits (in that order, many couples do the paperwork after years of effective marriage as an announcement of their intent to reproduce), “will she go down on me” is not an important question when it relates to “do I want to marry her.”
I think this is key, especially if you decide not to have sex before the two of you get married. A lot of the concerns some people are raising can be handled here. While you’ll never know how sexually compatible you are until you have sex together, and you won’t know each other’s bodies so the first time won’t be all that great, certain concerns like how sexually adventurous each of you are can be discussed. Other concerns like technique come with time. In a way, I think the first time adventure of exploring each other’s sexuality together as a married couple can really cement the intimate bond that is so important for a marriage. But maybe I’m just a romantic. I’ve never been married and I’ve never lived with a girlfriend, so what do I know?
My response has nothing to do with my religious beliefs. I know several older women who were virgins at the time they wed, and who had long and apparently happy marriages. This of course will be scoffed at by the sex-obsessed society we live in. But I think it speaks for itself.
Nobody is saying that you can’t possibly have a healthy sex life without getting it on before marriage. We’re just saying it’s a bit of a crapshoot.
This. Most definately this.
On another note, I continue to be baffled by the ones who declare portents of doom and gloom if you don’t have sex before marriage. Is this some sort of reactionary striking back at organized religeon for trying to make you feel bad in the other direction for so long? Do you even see the paralell between pushing people to have premarital sex, and pushing people to not have premarital sex?
Personally, I’m not about to tell anyone what to do (though I do make certain conditions on whether or not I’m going to be someone’s partner), and I would have thought the pro-sex-before-marriage side would have been better about letting people do what they’re comfortable with than they seem to actually be.
Who’s trying to stop them?
Feeling defensive? It’s a tendency I’ve noticed that annoys me. Not referring to any particular poster or post in this thread.