In a public restroom it’s reasonable to expect a certain quotient of vulgar lower digestive tract noise and stench. But what’s with these yahoos who have to put on a Vesuvius-like exhibition of expectoration?
Lately in the john I’ve been treated to the sort of hawking and spitting displays commonly associated with subway platforms. And we’re not talking about tobacco chewers (a revolting separate subclass of humanoids), but bozos who have never learned to blow their noses, or who apparently believe that saliva is deadly poisonous and must be expelled rather than swallowed.
Learn some manners, men of mucus. Or go out and buy a brass-plated office spittoon so you can be revoltingly gross behind closed doors.
It’s not limited just to men; I’ve been in the women’s restroom and been treated to an acoustic symphony of some elegant lady’s congested sinuses and throat. HRAAACK HRAAAAAAACK COUGH COUGH [spit] HRAAAACK HRAAAAAAACK[spit]COUGH [spit]. Mmmmm, I’m ready for lunch now.
And lest we forget, the sidewalk spitters. One of the very few things that totally grosses me out is seeing somebody’s very juicy, big green loogies lying on the sidewalk.
“But where am I supposed to spit? I can’t just swallow it!” Well, that would be your problem. Do a little research into amazing things like Kleenex, handkerchiefs, portable spittoons; I don’t care, just don’t leave them lying around where I can see 'em or step in 'em.
Ok, look. I’m in the middle of the dreaded Standard Canadian Cold right now. If my pharynx is full of very thick, very unpleasant phlegmy saliva, so thick that it is in fact making it difficult to breathe, I am not going to swallow that sucker. I am going to get rid of it. As soon as possible.
Although I will try to get the stuff out with as little drama as possible, I will likely use a bathroom for this purpose. Expulsion of bodily waste is what the bathroom is for.
I’m so sorry that my illness treads upon your delicate sensibilities. Lord knows what you must think of the poor soul having explosive diarrhea or vomiting in the stall next to you.
But the bathroom (I say again) is for the expulsion of bodily nasties. And in the bathroom, it is not impolite so to do, no matter how unpleasant you may find it.
OK, bulimics!! Matt’s bathroom is open for business! Step right up!!!
Among others with unbelievably loud and uninhibited bodily functions in public, let us not forget The Explosive, Juicy Sneezer (remember, if you stifle a sneeze, there is a distinct possibility of a reverse pressure buildup that will cause your brain to explode)
Indeed, anybody who needs to vomit in my bathroom, is welcome to do so, provided they are a guest in my home. Nicer people do not take an interest as to what other people are doing in the bathroom.
I gotta side with Matt here. Honestly, if someone is having nasty diarrhea in the stall next to me, or throwing up, or spitting, I certainly will not hold them in contempt for using the toilet for its intended purpose. I wish we could all be exempt from expelling bodily fluids, but let’s face it: we all do it, and someone we can’t help what comes out. As long as it’s not on my shoe, it’s alright with me.
The public spitting, however, is disgusting. There’s a boy in one of my classes who does this horrifying cough-pleghmy thing every morning. It’s the back of the throat, about-to-vomit sound - without doubt the most yucky thing I can imagine. I mean, why bother hocking it all up if you’re only going to swallow it? Yuck.
The horking noises I’m talking about are way beyond someone with a cold spitting out a wad of phlegm; I’m talking about someone who sounds like they’re trying to suck their stomach contents out through the back of their nose. Blow your nose, spit out your cold phlegm, that doesn’t bother me, but (IMO) the really deep cleaning of your sinuses is a private function - can’t this spring cleaning wait until you get home?
Jeez, haven’t you ever had a really bad head cold? Speaking as a Montrealer, no, it cannot. If there is too much mucus in my upper respiratory tract, I can barely breathe, let alone talk.
And why the hell do I have to justify my bodily functions to you? Why are you even listening to me while I’m in the can? Good heavens, how rude.
My take on public washrooms may be different from yours; I try not to make extra unpleasant noises in public washrooms with other people around; just the usual ones are bad enough .
But, this might just be my thing. Hearing someone really sucking on their snot actually raises the hairs on my arms. I don’t intend to eavesdrop on your private bodily functions, but I can’t help listening. You are making sound waves that are colliding with my eardrums; if I could block out these sounds, I would.
And yes, I get only sinus colds. I’d put my phlegm up against yours or anybody else’s any day (which, as I’m looking at it, is a really gross sentence).
Better in a public bathroom than at the table of a restaurant or elsewhere.
Bathrooms are not exactly the rooms with which to show public displays of perfection. Even as a woman if my sinuses were creating that much of a problem, and they occasionally do – thankfully at home usually as I have allergies and I smoke, I would excuse myself to the restroom to get rid of nasty snot that has clogged my nose and sometimes my throat enough for me to do the luegy (sp) snort and get rid of it. We, humans, can’t control when our sinuses will attack but it is okay if I walked into a bathroom and heard a woman snorting the crap out of her nose so she can get rid of it and spit the crap out. I would rather her get rid of the shit than sit there snorting it down repeatedly, say at a movie or something.
Let it not be said, yea, let it not even be intimated indirectly that I am into eavesdropping on Canadians who enjoy hocking their oversized, festering loogies in the loo.
One would have to be stone deaf to avoid noticing these displays.
Not to descend any further into a spitting match on this subject - but I am committed to the concept that one utilizes the fine porcelain receptacles of our public hygiene facilities for the purposes for which they were designed. If you wish to clear your entire upper respiratory tract of the accumulation of years of neglect, ***find a barn.
Honestly, I would rather encounter a woman trying to get the the snot out of her nose/throat, which can be a very uncomfortable feeling BTW, in the bathroom than hear someone sit there and snort it back into place repeatedly while in a public place. That could be a movie, a restaurant, in a grocery store or whatever.
Personally I will not poop in a public restroom, I find pooping and the smell that one can encounter worse than the snot in a person’s nose. I had Mexican food over the weekend and damn if I wouldn’t poo in public if I had to, it didn’t exactly smell like roses and freesia.
Unless one has diaherra (sp), pooping in a public place is much easier to “contain” than when the nose has gone crazy on you. Oh and pooping in public is far worse than getting rid of a persistant snot ball that wont leave you alone, it’s very bothersome as breathing is a very important part of our daily lives, pooping is a completely different thing with which if one has learneed control, one can wait till you get to the home front.
Yet another thread that makes reference to takin’ a shit.
I hate public restrooms, but that’s just because I’m a socially nervous and awkward shmoe. I just feel weird about EVER having my pants down, much less in an environment where, if someone REALLY wanted to, people could take a peak at me clenching and straining to get that last log out.
However, to keep things entertaining, I occasionally bring a cantaloupe into the bathroom, make some LOUD grunting and groaning sounds for about five minutes, then drop the cantaloupe into the bowl from a height of about six feet. Then I follow it up with a big ol’ sigh of relief.
Trust me, that makes a bit o’ snot-blowin’ seem like a cakewalk, pal.
I don’t like the sound of people hawking and spitting, but I realize that’s my problem, not their’s. I don’t expect people to share my illogical prejudices.
Here in Korea (look for a couple of other threads about Korea in the last coupla weeks if you want more details…) people spit in the streets regularly, as well as other, more disgusting things…
Imagine Astroboy walking down the street… he spies a tall, slim, mini-skirted Korean BABE walking towards him… Ohhhhhhhhhh! MAMA!!, Astroboy moans under his breath… he watches with great interest, as she saunters in his direction; then pauses. SKWEREWRLLWL!!! Pah-TOOOO!!, she hawks a big loogie, and spits it onto the sidewalk…
Astroboy’s testicles climb into his abdominal cavity…
This is a DAILY occurance for me here…
As I walk up the stairs to my classroom, I am doing a weird “blob of phlegm” dance from left to right! And this is INSIDE the building, for Christ’s sake!!!
