Because I sure don’t.
Maybe I’m a dour fuddy-duddy, but every time I chance the cartoons I’m like, “That’s not funny. That’s not funny. Neither is that.”
They are never funny. Ever. I’ve never laughed at newspaper cartoons.
Now, as for the single-panel features like The Far Side and Herman, now those can be really funny. But the three or four sequence panels? Not funny.
Am I alone?
A lot of them blow chunks, but I still read the Comics section on occasion because 1) Hey, I’m reading the newspaper I’m a real sophisticate! and 2) there’s a couple in there with a decent track record of making me crack a smile.
Dilbert makes me laugh occasionally, but I don’t find myself laughing at the newspaper funnies much since Calvin and Hobbes ended.
When viewed through the cracked lens of the Comic Curmudgeon, they’re hilarious.
You don’t understand. Chunks is his dog!
After The Far Side and Calvin & Hobbes went away, I sort of lost interest in newspaper cartoons. Nothing else is as funny to me.
Dilbert still incites a giggle from time to time. I like Doonsbury now too although we don’t get it in the papers here. Ditto the Red Meat.
Of course I miss The Far Side. 
To echo everyone else (and, I’m sure, many future posts in this thread), I haven’t laughed much at the comics page since Calvin & Hobbes and the Far Side ended. Dilbert can be chuckle-funny. Mutts can be cute, but tooooooo much sometimes. Everything else in my paper (SF Chronicle) is bad at best.
Joe
Wow, thanks for that link! I’ve bookmarked it!
Joe
Zits makes me laugh, and Baby Blues. Why, yes, I am a parent, why do you ask?
Anytime, citizen!
I like Get Fuzzy and Pearls Before Swine. Other than that…
Robotman used to make me laugh. I think it’s called Monty now. Our newspaper stopped carrying it - I theorise it’s because it was funny. Either it was making all the others look bad (worse), or they just didn’t want people reading their newspaper and laughing.
Fred Basset still exists. Why?!?
Eh, when they got rid of Robotman, it took a nosedive. Monty just isn’t as funny by himself. As for Fred Basset, well, I’ve wondered that for years.
That was part of the appeal when I was a kid. I could be reading The Paper Like a Grwon-up, when actually I was reading the cartoons. Then I progressed to the political cartoons, then to the columns, then to the headlines.
It’s not the cartoons that have deteriorated; you’re all just growing up, that’s the problem. 
Monty is still pretty funny, occasionally. They got rid of Robotman, but replaced him with a series of other “aliens”, for that fish-out-of-water and my-you-humans-are-strange feeling.
Some of my current favorites:
Arlo and Janis
Frazz
Get Fuzzy
Heart of the City
Lio
Over the Hedge
Retail
Pearls Before Swine
Stone Soup
That’s just including American comics that are syndicated to newspapers - not including several good online comics, or the Holy Trinity of Norwegian Comics (Pondus, Nemi, Kollektivet). The problem isn’t with the comics, mostly, it’s with the newspapers. They cut strips to save money, and keep the ones that generate the most letters to the editor when cancelled, which tend to be the ones everybody grew up reading (Blondie, Hagar, Fred Basset…). No matter that they ran out of creativity during the Johnson Administration, and that most have outlived their creators; it’s what “the public” wants.
This is it. Nothing gets the Silver-Haired Legions worked up like threatening to cancel one of the “classic” comic strips. And they write letters!
Some of them are certainly funny. Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy, Mother Goose and Grimm (sometimes), and sometimes Dilbert. Sherman’s Lagoon has its moments as well.
I haven’t read any comics for quite a while because I don’t read the newspaper, but when I did, Fox Trot was good for a laugh every now and then.
