It depends on which ex is being insulted and who’s there doing the insulting. One ex was abusive, so I don’t like to even think about him. The other guy was just plain arrogant. He actually quizzed me on classical music, and I was dumb enough to keep dating him. He was a huge snob and was also convinced I’d get cancer if I ate over 5 grams of fat per meal, so he monitored my food. Anyway, that guy’s fair game 'cause he was a total moron (as was I for dating him), but I don’t generally do it in front of my husband.
And I don’t usually insult my friends’ ex’s unless I’m under the impression they’d like me to.
Generally, yes. I mean, I was very into this girl for a reason (regardless of which girl it was). Badmouthing her insults my taste.
On the other hand, if I’m in the mood to discuss it, discussion of the specific reasons for the breakup often sort of implies bashing. I mean, like it or not, Sarah was overly idealistic, and it’s unreasonable to expect someone to be perfect. Samantha needed to grow up. Kristen ended up having a bizarre personality that manifested in her being utterly unable to be the bright, sweet girl she was behind closed doors out when she was dealing with more than one or two people at once. That’s just the way it is.
I’ve never had a bad breakup…insult my exes, you’ll get the same response as you get if you insult any of my other good friends (frosty silence), or the same response you’d have gotten when we were together (frosty silence, if I was in a good mood to start.).
I haven’t had a lot of BF’s, and most of them, as was said above, were OK guys that I just wasn’t ultimately compatible with. I can’t think of anyone who said anything insulting about them. The breakups were mutual, so it’s not like I needed a lot of support or crying time after they ended.
The other one, well, he was a giant ass, and he was one of my first serious relationships when I was young and stupid in college, so I don’t feel like my taste is being put down when my brother refers to him in rather…colorful terms.
I think it depends a lot on the situtation, as others have said. If it was recent, horrid break-up where the other person was mainly at fault, then I don’t think it would or should bother me. If not, as my break-up was, then it’s a little different. Also there is a big difference between insulting them outright and critizing or bitching about the way they behaved. I can understand how some people could find it terribly hard, as there was a reason at some point in time when you liked the person, hence why you dated them.
My ex is MY ex by her own action. Clearly we have differences, but the decision to end the relationship came after a long and intricate 23 year history. I think nobody has the right to slam her for anything she’s done because nobody has been as involved with her life as I have. And yeah, she’s still my best friend in the world. We just don’t make heavy emotional promises to each other anymore.
Say that what she did was shitty. Tell me I’m better off now and that I’m a real catch. Don’t call her a whore or a selfish bitch though, because that’s just not the truth.
As my friend, his job was to commiserate with me after we broke up and agree when I listed all the things I didn’t like about her to convince myself I hadn’t made a huge mistake – not to argue with me about her faults and reasonably appraise her many positive features. And certainly not to drop by my house with her in tow, ostensibly to go see a movie, because she was mooning over me and wanted any excuse to come by and he was mooning over her and wanted any excuse to make her happy, even though he knew I was lonely and in danger of backsliding.
Well, not necessarily (mentonning once again I’m a guy, by the way). I didn’t stay in touch with all my exes, but each of them would be welcome if they paid me a visit.
I wouldn’t like people badmouthing them (I mean, I was with them for a reason, so they’re likable people in my opinion, and since fortunately none did anything awful and unforgivable to me…), but fortunately my friends don’t badmouth them, so it’s not an issue.
I doubt it’s a gender issue. IMO, generally speaking, attitude towards exes aren’t gender-related, from what I can see around me.
