Put another way, if you demand to be treated with respect, and someone says “You have to earn my respect”, how do you feel about that?
Do you demand that others earn your respect? Why or why not?
I’m actually the opposite of that. You have my respect until you lose it.
Strangers have my cordiality, civility, and kindness but not necessarily my respect. Doesn’t mean I don’t respect them either, just that they’re sort of a cipher.
My friends of course have my respect. They wouldn’t be my friends otherwise.
My family…are a bunch of freaks. (Most of them) have my love but not all have my respect.
Everyone starts off with a standard “every human deserves it” level of respect. It is certainly possible to earn more, or to lose some, for that matter.
Oh, and to Mrs. Stokes (my 6th grade Reading teacher), Deputy Lansford (of a certain very small town on I-40 in west Texas), and a few others I’ve met during my life who dont get it: respect ain’t obeisance. Nobody is entitled to obeisance.
re·spect ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-spkt)
tr.v. re·spect·ed, re·spect·ing, re·spects
To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
To relate or refer to; concern.
n.
A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. See Synonyms at regard.
The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.
respects Polite expressions of consideration or deference: pay one’s respects.
A particular aspect, feature, or detail: In many respects this is an important decision.
Looks to me like the word is used incorrectly with regard to the human decency thing. Going by this definition, it does appear one has to earn respect. I’ve been using it incorrectly I guess.
I guess we might have to define respect.
I’ve thought about this many times before, but what triggered me to post was this exchange on one of those stupid daytime judge shows:
Uh, in a court of law I’d be pissed as nails if the judge was calling me honey. I don’t like terms of endearment from strangers. But I don’t think that’s respect, but civility, good manners, and keeping the court atmosphere elevated to a certain level.
Thanks, Kalhoun. Then again, there is the dictionary definition, and there is the common usage. When someone says “You have to earn my respect”, what do they mean?
As define above, respect is earned. Decency is a given.
Which one is shown when one uses the honorific asked, as in Dr. Smith vs Honey?
In my (limited) experience, when someone says “You have to earn my respect”, that person often feels that they themselves are owed respect automatically, but that they will only dole out respect grudgingly.
Decency, and I agree. If someone has earned an honorific, they deserve to be addressed by such if they so wish. If any judge addresses me as “son” or the like, I would be in the slammer for contempt real quick.
My life experience has taught me that anyone who demands respect isn’t worthy of it.
I’ve always maintained that everyone is entitled to COURTESY at the outset. Respect is earned. The right to both can be lost by poor behavior.
Sure. The problem is, some people think that simple courtesy is the same as respect, and therefore withhold it.
Anecdotally, in the judge show example I gave, I was with the defendant until he claimed that the right to respect was in the constitution. Lawyers scare me sometimes.
I like to differentiate between showing respect and actually respecting someone or even something.
In the Army, I was required to show respect for all NCOs and officers. When encountering either of these, a junior person is required to salute (in the case of officers, when outdoors) and offer the greeting of the day, e.g. “Good morning, sergeant.”
However, since there still aren’t thought police in the Army, I didn’t necessarily really respect any of these people. In most cases I did, but not always.
I show respect for other people’s religious beliefs, even though in some cases I don’t respect them.
If I were ever to meet President Bush, I would most certainly show him respect.
My mind has no problem processing the concept of social hypocrisy. So I say everyone is entitled to be shown respect. And actual respect is earned.
Say I meet a university professor. At this starting point, I respect her for what she has accomplished in her field and the position she holds. I will always show her the respect due her station. However, my actual respect for her can either increase or decrease. Either way, she still did whatever she needed to do to reach that position in life, and usually that’s something worthy of respect.
All grownups deserve at least the respect of being addressed as Ma’am or Sir.
The way I’d graduate things is at the lowest level there’s simple common courtesy. Everyone deserves to be granted this until such time as they have shown that they do not reciprocate the standards of civilized behavior.
Then there is respect for position. In the military it was respecting the uniform someone was wearing whether you knew them, or not. As a civilian I use this for others now: if I’m before a judge, or dealing with a cop, or a doctor. Anyone in a position of authority, really. I may, or may not, have an opinion of them as a person, but because of the role they are fulfilling they get a bit more respect than simple courtesy might demand.
Finally, there is personal respect. This is always earned, not something that someone gets automatically. I will do and accept things from someone whom I have given my respect to that I would never take from someone who didn’t have that. Of course, in my military time, this was often expressed, carefully of course, by razzing the officer in question. Which is kinda odd, now that I think on it.
I don’t demand respect, but civility, fairness, attention when I have the floor, etc.
I recommend that. If they don’t respect you that’s their problem, not yours.
Deal with the actual actions you want/don’t want and forget the attitude behind them.