Does She Even Know His Name?

Fuck off, C #3!! God, you’re a pain in the ass.

The world is all fucked. Stop it. I want to get off.

Let me boil it down to this. Though I know women are naturally wary about men and their children I’m fucking sick and tired of every time I meet a woman I’ve got to fucking proove that I’m not a child molester or rapist or dead beat dad.

Yes, you insensitive clod, Di, I have an adorable son, 6. After my wife left me, she went through a series of guys that I didn’t know. He was fucking living with them!! She is now engaged to some fuckhead in Arkansas (Right now I’ve got to spend $600 a month to fly to see him, in addition to paying child support, and I don’t fucking bitch about it or miss payments!)
She wants to move him down there now and won’t help with travel expenses. In order to get to visit my son I live aboard the ship. Kinda fuckin’ hard to have a good weekend with your six-year-old aboard an aircraft carrier. And this doesn’t even take into account deployments, work ups and weekend duty!

And through all the shit my ex has put me through I have to trust her!!! I have to hope she trusts him!!!

So don’t think I know nothing about this. You have to trust her trusting him. If you don’t think you can make a good decision on a man spending time with your children without a complete background, financial, and educational background I pity you. I feel sorry for you that you have lost the one trait that I admire most in other people.

Kelli–“if it wasnt for the simple fact that she has kids, I would think this was a beautiful story of romance.”

It could still be. When is trust attained? When does a child trust his parents? When do you trust your children with your in-laws?

Your story about the molester boyfriend – you trusted him until you had the facts. When you had them you gave him the heave ho.

Why do I have to live in a world where every time I meet someone I’ve got to proove I’m not a Shitboy!! Ye Gods, it’s common decency to trust a stranger. It may be naive but it is the way it should be!!!
So, my advice. Leave the woman and her family alone. You don’t know specifically what she knows.

Di–“Someone needs to bitch slap her, but even then, I don’t think it would sink in.”

Your words! It sounds like you don’t trust her to run her own life!!
Leave her the fuck alone unless you have real evidence that the guy is a shithead!!!

Di–“Whaddall think? Am I overreacting?”

To get back on point:

  1. I just told you what I think and feel.
  2. Yes. Butt out!

Kell-- I see what you see. I fucking have to live in a world where I’m judged by what “you see.” Your values and fears, formed from past shitty relationships cast umbras of pain and fear on guys like me.
It may not be fair of me to think it, but that really sucks.

C#3 – If you gotta back me up that way, I don’t need your two fuckin’ cents ever again!!!

I’m not even gonna review this post cause I’m shaking I’m so pissed off!!!

Hmm, am I the only one who feels sorry for the guy? After the honeymoon is over, how’s he gonna feel about being married to a friendless, insecure person from a dysfunctional family who tells the whole world about her bathroom habits?

Frankly, it sounds like they’re both too screwed up for words. Even WITHOUT the kids, this doesn’t sound like a romantic story – more like a couple of desperate people rushing into the first semblance of a relationship that offered itself. Not pretty.


“Succurrite, succurrite, horribilis heffalumpus! Hoff, hoff, hellibilis horralumpus! Holl, holl, hoffabilis hellerumpus!”

I have to side with the Chief here. This isn’t the way I’d operate in a similar situation, but I’m not under the impression that everybody has to live by my blueprint. That’s what I’m getting from Diane–that she’s annoyed this woman isn’t living Life According To Diane.

People aren’t obligated to conduct their lives or raise their kids as other people see fit. For good or for ill, it’s none of your business–especially since this woman isn’t even a friend. Raise your own kids as best you can, and hope you’re right with your choices…and, unless you have proof of something bad (as opposed to idle speculation), allow others to do the same.


Rich Barr
massivemaple@hotmail.com
AOL Instant Messenger: Hrttannl

What’s done is done. Although it certainly appears she traveled through the red flag zone, until you hear the shit’s going down, I would think if you & your co-workers had some care and concern for her, you would be hoping to see (and encouraging the development of) the signs that the relationship is taking root and flourishing.

Just a thought.

Regards

wow…

Scott, take a breath. Anyone here who can read knows you arent a shitboy!
I cant stress that enough!!!

C#3…are you inplying that me or diane is sleeping with two men? I dont think she is (I havent seen anything to that effect) and I sure as hell am not! Make sure you get your shit straight before you throw a slam like that!

I am not suggesting that this woman toss this guy out at the curb with the trash, just that she take it SLOW! If all these feelings are real, they will still be there in a month, her kids need to adapt to this guy SLOWLY…it can be very damaging to them otherwise. A child wont call a guy DAD after a couple of days, unless he is coached. That is creepy.

Sure I think they should have done it different, but its done. She obviously trusts him- great, but I still think that pushing Insta-dad down thier throats is wrong.

Shitboy has been Teds ‘dad’ for 7 out of 8 years, and Ted stills calls him shitboy sometimes.

Dad is a special title, you cant just take it, and call yourself DAD because you married a woman with kids…the kids have to GIVE you the title in that case. And it should take a long time.

I am not jealous…this woman is described as lonely, without family, she sounds desperate…

I understand lonely…Shitboy and I have been apart nearly 2 years, for a long time I had only the kids for company,and that is not a decent substitute. I know what it is like to go to bed alone night after night. You hear a noise, and there is no man to nudge. You get snowed in, and spent hours in the predawn, shoveling ineptly, crying the whole time, just to get stuck in the damn driveway on the way to work.
Kid gets sick, you have no help. I fell down the basement stairs, nearly broke my ancle, almost passed out from the pain, and I had to ask my 7 year old for help! When I got back from the hospital, I still had to take care of them- alone.

So what?
I managed.
Thats what.
I could have a man living here right now if I wanted, but
I DONT WANT ANY OLD MAN LIVING IN THE HOUSE WITH MY KIDS!!!

I want them to have the best, and I really doubt I would base a decision like that on two weeks of cybersex, and a couple of hours face to face.

Try not to think like a man (or a woman), we arent anti-men, we are pro-common sense! If I was to hire a nanny, I would at least observe her with the kids first!

OK,never mind how they met, or even how long they knew each other. Lets suppose, they were friends for years, and are deeply commited, bla,bla, she should still slowly join him & the kids. Its in all the parenting books for christ’s sake…we arent pulling this out of our asses!

Scott, really, if you had custody of your son, would you move me (for example) in to your home and present me as mommy in a matter of days? What if little scott hated me? What would you do? You already married me, I live there now, gave up my job, my friends to be with you, but little scott hates the very sight of me…and I am a truly rotten Mother…you love me to bits, we call each other all the time just to say I love you, the sex is fabulous (of course!) and I complete you in a way that you thought you would never find. But your beloved son, your angel,the very reason you exist…despises me.

Ahhh tough situation eh? Well, here is another scenario:
We meet (again, just an example) fall in love…you tell scott jr. that you have a special friend, we meet, doesnt go well, we go slower, taking all the time he needs to adjust to seeing daddy- his ONLY parent,the one who USED to pay attention only to him- with a special friend. We spend time together…after awhile, he comes around, we marry, he’s happy, we are happy, and we all live happily ever after.(or close).This is the recommended course of action according to the books I have read.

I dont know this woman, all I have in common with her is that I am a single mother, who someday wants to meet Mr. Right, I hope to god I handle it right, if/when I do.

Scott, when I read about your situation, it almost broke me, that is the very reason that me & shitboy tried for so long to make it work, neither wanted the other to expose them to a series of stepparents. Someday your boy will understand all you have done to be his dad, and he will be a better man because of it. I cant even imagine how difficult it must be to be away from your child…if I was seperated from mine, I would most certainly die. I guess it is easy for me to forget that dad’s can love as much as the moms, and if I ever implied that you were like that, I am more sorry than I can express. :frowning:

Con#3 - Fuck off, dickwad. Your bullshit opinion means squat to me.

Chief - If you can’t possibly see the potential risk she is putting her kids in, then maybe it is for the best that you are not in a position to be making parental decisions for your child. I don’t know what type of parent you are or what your ex is like, but for a parent to think it is perfectly okay to move a man into the house THE DAY you and your kids FIRST LAY EYES ON HIM, after only a 2 WEEK internet love affair, is totally irresponsible. ('scuse the cap letters - you’re making me hollar here.)

Let’s make this a little bit more simple for you. Let’s say that by some freak act of nature she somehow learned that this guy is not a molester. Do you truly think it is fair for an 8 year old boy and especially a 13 year old girl to pick a man (a stranger) up from the airport and tell them, “Here, meet your new daddy” and then leave them home with him for hours on end? She told us that her kids didn’t even know about him until last Wednesday! How fuckin awkward to be at that confused age (13) and have to deal with a stranger in your home that you have never had to share with anyone but you, your mom, and little brother. Is it really that outrageous to expect a mother to ease her kids into a major life change?

I don’t know you from Adam and I don’t assume to know what type of parent you are, but throwing kids into that type of situation is totally fucked up.

What the fuck you talking about?

Number 1, she is my friend.

Number 2, I have never pushed my beliefs on her or anyone else. In fact, I don’t know that I would want anyone to live like me :), but as a mother, I have every right in the world to feel uneasy that anyone would put their child in that type of position.

Oh, and to answer the accusations of jealousy? HA! HA! HA! Jealous of WHAT? Sorry to burst your bubble, but not fuckin hardly.

(1) He is NOT my type. I tend to go for the good looking, athletic type (one is a body builder the other a 4th degree karate instructor) with outgoing personalities.

He is short, chubby, and looks a little like George Castansa. I don’t know about his personality. He may be nice, he may be an asshole, he may be abusive. I don’t know that she could describe it either, afterall, how much can you know someone in two weeks via e-mail? Aren’t we all on our best behaviour when we first meet?

(2) If I wanted to be married, I have my choice of two gorgeous men (yes, they have both asked). If I could convince them to live the polygamist lifestyle I would go for it (seriously), otherwise, why screw it up with a marriage?

BTW Asswipe (not you Chief or Rich). If I am juggling two, three, or ten boyfriends - Oh freakin-well. I don’t have a fucking ring on my finger.


>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

Kel - If I gave a shit what Con-tard thought, I would have devulged more information, but I don’t, so I didn’t.

If the truth be known, I am involved with two men. One has been a very dear friend of mine for a number of years. I love him very much and he loves me, but because of certain situations, including my involvement with John, we do not have sex.

The other, John, fits the definition of boyfriend, including sex. Carlos is in no position to ask me to stop sleeping with John and he doesn’t ask.

They know about each other and have accepted that things are the way they are. They both have the option to dump my sorry ass but so far they haven’t.

It’s interesting that Con remembered something I posted that long ago. You got a thing for me sweety?

>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

Diane,

If you are going to use language and insults like that please take it to the BBQ PIT. Your comments are unacceptable for this forum dear.

Yes, you do appear to be jealous not of her man, but of her happiness and possibly her ability to make a marriage decision and to embrace happiness.

You don’t sound like this woman’s friend to me.

I wonder if she’s out on another public message board somewhere wondering for everyone to see if your Karate instructor/boyfriend is a child molester…probably not…

One word comes to mind…BUSYBODY

Get your own house in order.


Contestant #3

Just as I said in the OP and other posts that followed, I think it would be great if things work out for her. She has been alone for a lot of years and I think that she has been very lonely, even during her own childhood. I see how happy this makes her. I pray that it works.

We are having a shower for her in the office and me, being the considerate person that I am, offered to be in charge of Male Stripper Night!

Why is it so hard for some of you guys to grasp these simple concepts.

(I’m in a list mood tonight.)

1 - She is a friend and I pray that things work out for her.
2 - If she wants to jump into something that quick, great! I have done crazier things myself, but. . .
3 - I find it unsettling that she has put her kids in this situation. That changes the entire ballgame. I can’t understand how any parent doesn’t see the risks (physical and/or emotional).
4 - I am not, and I am certain that none of the other women on this board who agree with me, are even slightly jealous! She is a very lonely person. If you think it is jealousy over obtaining a husband (God you men haven’t a clue about women, do ya?) if I wanted a husband, I would have one. Been there, done that. Not ready to do it again, thank you.

>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

Minor refocus here - I appreciate all the concerns you’ve voiced; BUT those are all pre-commitment concerns.

I’ll say again - what’s done is done - build from here - if you care about her.

Ever think of applying for a moderator job?

Why, because I think it is totally irresponsible as a parent to bring a stranger into the home just two days after you tell them about him and not only encourage them to call him dad, but leave them alone with the guy for hours? How responsible is it to laugh with your co-workers about how you don’t even know if he has brothers and sisters or where he was raised, all the while he is home alone with your children?

If you don’t think there is anything wrong with this picture, then you suck as a parent, at least in Diane World.

I wasn’t aware that friends had “sounds”.

No dipshit, she has no reason to. In all the years I have known him (keyword: YEARS, not DAYS) I have never left my kids alone with him. Not that I don’t trust him, I actually KNOW this guy in a way that only comes from personal contact over a long period of time, but because there has never been a reason for him to be alone with them.

However, I wouldn’t leave them with a qualified babysitter (if they were younger and still needed one) for even a few hours until I had a complete background check and references. I would NEVER leave them alone with a guy I had only known for 14 days, ferchristsake.

One word comes to my mind. . . GIMP.

Okay ESP (or is that UFO) BOY. Tell me about my house. You don’t know shit. You’re just pissed that you’ll never make it the door, front or back. Hell, you can’t even look in the windows.

Toodles.


>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

Get over yourself Diane. Not all men want you. I for one have never once entertained the idea.


Contestant #3

Why are you two bothering with this guy?

Oh God! I have never been so brokenhearted! The almighty Con-freakoid-3 doesn’t want me!

:::sob:::

:::sob:::
.
.
.
.
.
(Like I would give a dipshit like you the time of day! HA HA HA HA HA HA!)

>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

Because it is fun to poke the doggie with sticks throught the fence just to hear him bark and howl.

One last question to the guys who jumped on my ass. Don’t bother answering, Con. Your opinion means squat. The others I respect enough to hear their thoughts.

If you have younger kids that are living with an ex, how would you truly feel (Aside from the romantic aspect. We are talking about parenting only.) if she met a man online and two weeks later married him and moved him into her house with your children?

How would you feel knowing that she has left them with him alone for hours on end just two days after meeting him for the first time, especially when she admittedly doesn’t know much about him?

How would you feel knowing that the kids had only learned about him two days before the wedding and now they are expected to call him dad?

If you feel that everything is hunky-dory with the above conditions, then forgive me for making judgment on your quality of parenthood. Not that MY opinion means anything to you, but I will still think you suck at parenting.

If you agree that she is acting irresponsible and maybe even endangering her kids physically or emotionally, then what the hell is your rant about?

>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

Sometimes a person can know another person for 20 years and not really “know” that person Diane. It’s all a judgement call.


Contestant #3

BTW Diane, who really cares if YOU think they “suck” as a parent? You are clearly not the parenting authority that you think that you are honey. Mind your own business.


Contestant #3

True, but tell me that even you can see that living with someone for 20 years would reveal a lot more about that person compared to e-mailing for 2 weeks.

>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

No, this is how it works, dumbass.

They more than likely don’t care what I think, but on the other hand, I can still think that anyone who is not bothered by the irresponsibilty, sucks as a parent.

You see, it just doesn’t matter! Opinions are like assholes, we all have one and YOU are one.


>^,^<
KITTEN
Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.