Anybody speak Dutch here? Can this be translated into actual English that makes sense?
Er was eens een kaasboer in Gouda
Die zat om de tafel zijn vrouw na
Toen zei zij heel fief
Alles is relatief
Als ik harder loop zit ik jou na
Thanks in advance!
F_X
The limerick starts:
There once was a dairyman [cheesefarmer] in Gouda.
There was once a cheesemonger in Gouda who said for the table its
woman to zat after then they complete fief everything is relative if I
run harder I pursue you
that is what Sparknotes’ translator gave me. work it out for yourself
I think the puncline reads, “That’s nacho cheese boy!!!”
Thanks… this is what someone else gave me as a translatin:
There was once a cheesemonger in Gouda
Those drunk for the table its woman
Then she said complete feud
Everything is relative
If I run harder I pursue you
I don’t get it, but then this friend of Spoz’s is pretty loopy. 
O, where is that nic Mr. Coldfire when you need him. I also got fascinated by that limerick, Flamsterette and foudn a translation from soemthing called, I think systransbox.com, but its version was the same as one already posted, and my reply got lost anyway. 
Still, it sounds like a nice little story, if only we understood. In the meantime, “Blessed are the cheesemakers”, I say.
I’ll give it a go but the limerick won’t rhyme properly in english.
There once was a cheese farmer from Gouda
Who was chasing his wife around the table
She said really sweet
Everything is relative
If I run faster I’m chasing you
But it’s isn’t a very good limerick in dutch IMO. The use of “zat & na” doesn’t really register as normal dutch, but seems used only for making it fit the standard tune for limericks. With this small rewrite it’s a bit better to understand but you’d have to give it a break-beat.
Er was eens een kaasboer in Gouda
Die rende om de tafel zijn vrouw achterna
Toen zei zij heel fief
Alles is relatief
Als ik harder loop zit ik jou achterna
Small corrections: ‘fief’ in the original should be ‘lief’.
I’d say ‘fief’ in the original is intentional, albeit a misspelling of ‘vief’.
‘Vief’ means in Dutch “vlug van beweging, levendig, kittig, zowel lichamelijk als geestelijk”, in English: “lively, energetic, alert, sprightly” (Van Dale). It’s supposed to be a witty remark, although the wit, like the rhyme, is mediocre.