An acquaintance of mine was telling me that she and her husband only have sex about 2 or 3 times per month. (The fact that she told me this was kind of surprising in the first place - we’re not really that close.) Anyway, I was kind of surprised - they don’t have children, rarely work overtime, and she said they have lots of free time. When I asked what they do in their spare time, she said they usually watch TV. She said she wishes that they were having sex more often, but that they have certain shows that they like to watch on certain nights, so they don’t turn the TV off that often. I asked her why they don’t tape them and just watch them on the weekends, and she says that they’d rather watch the shows when they’re on rather than “bother” with sex.
Does this seem odd to anyone else? I would imagine that there is something not quite right if both are choosing television over intimacy. I mean, sometimes you just don’t feel like it, and would rather just veg out, turn off your brain, and watch TV, but every single night??
I know - when she was telling me that, I thought, “Damn, I can’t remember the last time someone told me that.” She and her husband are both teachers in rural Kentucky. I don’t know whether or not that makes a difference, but I can understand the need for cable.
If they got TiVo, that would release them from having to watch the shows at a fixed time. (I know they could tape them with a VCR, but that requires planning ahead which daunts most people from doing it consistently even though it’s a minimal amount of work.)
It’s sad to think that someone would rather watch “Yes, Dear” than have hot, sweaty sex, but that’s probably not really what’s going on. Really, they’re choosing to do something easy as opposed to trying to interest the other person in sex, which depending on the person may be difficult, especially in the middle of an evening routine: come home-feed the cat-make dinner-eat dinner while watching tv-keep watching tv-go to bed. Once you’re in a pattern, finding a breakpoint to do something different is tough. It can be easier to just go with the flow. The wife and I fall into this pattern sometimes, although usually when we’re wiped out from work. It’s easy to do, but worth fighting.
I guess I could see that. It’s just that - well, they’re fairly young people (only a year older than I am, and I’m 28), and they have no children, practically no commute, very reasonable hours, and at least one of them is interested in having sex more often, but both of them, when presented with the choice, choose TV instead. I can understand choosing TV every once in a while, or even for a week or two (everyone has shitty weeks sometimes), but for years on end? :eek:
That’s what I was trying to say in my last post – I wonder if they are being presented with the choice between TV and sex? My theory is that once you fall into a routine like that, initiating foreplay and getting your partner in the mood for sex seems like a daunting task. (For example, there’s always that fear they’ll say “what are you doing? Seinfeld is on!”) So even if there are times both would be interested, neither realizes it because no one wanted to do the work to initiate.
Or maybe they both just really like watching TV. Which is very depressing.
THere do exist people with relatively low sex drive. It’s just the way they are.
You did say one of them would like to copulate more often – perhaps that person is doing something that turns the other one off. Personal hygiene? Too direct (or too indirect) an approach? Poor technique? Not enough cuddling? Medical issues?
There could be sooooo many issues. Maybe one of them is the “sex-in-return-for-something-else” type. Or is having an affair and has little energy left for the spouse. You never really know what’s going on in someone else’s relationship. Sometimes the people IN the relationship don’t know what’s going on.
If one of them is unhappy about the situation, it’s possible counseling could help, but if they are content as they are, they won’t bother and probably wouldn’t benefit anyway.
Sorry to be off-topic, but a dozen hours a week sounds like a lot to me. Is there any standard for how many hours would constitute “a lot of TV” or “not much TV?”
No, it doesn’t seem odd at all. Kinda normal in fact since it’s about once a week. Intimacy between couples is not just having sexual encounters. It’s spending time together laughing & talking which can be done watching a favorite tv show, btw.
as about once every two weeks. Which I would consider abnormal for myself and most folks I know. Of course, this is barring sickness, pregnancy, depression, and a myriad of other medical or psychological conditions, but if you are under 30, no kids, steady jobs, no commutes, no extenuating circumstances, and you’re having sex around twice a month? To me, that’s strange…but YMMV.
FB
A dozen hours a week is less than two hours a day. I’d say that’s not much TV for the average American to watch in a week. I don’t know how many people get their news only from TV, but if a person only watches half an hour of news a day, that’s 3.5 hours right there. Most people seem to watch various TV shows for at least 3-4 hours a night, if they aren’t going out or have errands. My husband and his family all have the TV on whenever they’re home, whether they have company over or not. :eek: My husband will do his chores while watching TV, for instance he’ll mow the front lawn, come in, have an iced drink, watch a little TV, and then go mow the back lawn. Personally, I think he watches too much TV, but then he thinks I spend too much time on the computer.
Yet another side effect of having too much sex on TV - when presented with real sex you can simply say “No thanks, I like my pants. Besides, It is better on Melrose Place anyways.”
You know, there are sexual positions out there that allow one or noth of the person involved in the sex act to watch TV while performing. They’re just not good at multi-tasking.
My TV watching has dropped drastically over the last few years. I’m now down to about an hour a week of voluntary watching, unless I’m cat-sitting. They have cable, so I catch up on Queer Eye and cooking shows and the like. But I can’t remeber the last time I turned the TV on specifically to watch something. Maybe the season finale of Alias, or The Forsyte Saga.
If I were given an opportunity to choose, I think I’d go with the sex. TV’s always gonna be there.
We’ve got a bedroom in our TV, but unless one of us is sick, or it’s a weekend, I try to limit how often we turn it on. I can’t sleep for about an hour after turning off the TV. Upon further reflection, I think these people have a TV in more or less every room in their apartment, with the exception of the bathroom. And if they don’t have a TV in a particular room, that room is usually situated so you can easily view the TV from one room to the next.
Also, I think they probably do have issues. This person and I were talking about it again yesterday, and she said that her husband had kissed another girl a few years ago, after they had been married for about a year. Apparently, he felt really guilty about it and wanted to get it off his chest. Since he told her, he hasn’t really been interested in sex. Strangely enough, she has, more than him anyway. Regardless, both usually would prefer to watch TV rather than have sex. At least that’s the impression I get from her. The guy is really into sports, and has the TV on more or less every single minute he’s at home. I dunno - that’d really start to piss me off after a while. Then again, I’ve never understood the fascination with sports on TV. I’m so glad my husband feels the same.
