Adam Sandler will have to modify the song
Darwin and the turtles in Galapaga
Like to celebrate Chanukah
Clearly, evolution still has a long way to go (and farther for some than for others). Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go practice walking upright.
“And the LORD did speak unto Moses, saying, thou shalt not hang thy rolled bum-wiper so that it emerges from beneath the holder, for it is an abomination in My sight. Rather, hangest it thou so that it comes forth from atop the roll, which pleases me greatly.”
The Book of Charmin, 1:23
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.[right]Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long[/right]You get the government you elect, and you elect the government you think you deserve.
Larry Mudd, I love the link. Do you think it is maintained by Time Cube-theorist Dr. Gene Ray’s evil twin?
Stranger
And it’s a little-known fact that he wanted to call it “Jewvolution”!
Great Eris, you’re right! That’s messed up.
Actually, according to what was found at the Qumran community, early Christians were very passionate about anal hygiene. There are many references to the importance of a full immersion ritual bath as soon as possible after defecation.
A sensible policy, IMHO.
This gave me a really good laugh, thanks.
Will Darwin’s Finch have to rename himself as Pharisees’ Finch?
Perhaps they realized that future believers would be shoving their heads up their asses.
*But this commandant pleased Moses not, and Moses was most distressed and he answered the LORD with confusion saying, “But LORD, Wouldst it not be much better to hangeth the bum-wiper so that it emerges from 'neath the roller and not above?”
And the LORD rebuked Moses, saying “No, I have commanded that it be hanged from the top, and that is what I meant. if I had meant to say it should hangeth from the bottom, I would have SAID ‘hangeth it from the bottom.’ I have told you to hangeth it from top and I am the LORD!”
But Moses still did not assent and said to the LORD, “but LORD, does thou not knowest that hanging it from the top is the gay way?”
And the LORD was much aggrieved and thundered down to Moses saying, “No! Hanging it from the bottom is the gay way. I am the LORD and I will decide what is the right way and what is the gay way! Now go and do my bidding and do not question me again or I will infest you with bleeding hemorrhoids.”
And Moses went out and hanged the wipers-of-bung as the LORD had commanded, but even unto the end of his days, Moses was much displeased by this and still thought it was the gay way (though he never told the Lord).*
Still, you do have to give them credit for not being completely reactionary. They do believe the earth is round. (Although I wouldn’t be surprised if this group has a disgruntled minority of flat earthers who thinks they sold out to the “godless secularists” advocating the “lie” of a round earth).
What does the Book of Charmin says about the issue of bunching vs. folding?
Next thing you know, those nasty evolutioinists will be telling us that Jesus himself evolved from the Jews! Filthy heathen evolutionists!
Wow. I may be a rabid atheist, but at least I’m a pious bum-wiper hanger.
Yeah! Thank goodness those voters have never elected a future president! :eek:
THERE you are! I sent you my $5–where are my God-damned Essene Scrolls? 
I think the Book of Charmin needs to be added here.
Now, see, that’s just sloppy conspiring. Any conspiracy worth its salt shouldn’t have to cover the whole playing field in order to advance its occult agenda. If your conspirators are any good at all, then they should be able to do the same job with only a single conspiracy in motion. Mutually opposing conspiracies are really just an exercise in wasted energy for all concerned: a successful conspiracy should operate with the precision of a flawless Swiss timepiece, not by blasting away with buckshot and shrapnel in all directions.
The sad truth is that Jews have historically been fairly mediocre conspirators. Fine ethnic group, many sterling qualities, but skill at conspiracy? Not so much. Now, Phoenicians; they know how to conspire.
From the article, emphasis added:
Damn, but that’s some powerful cognitive dissonance.