Me too. 
I’m also dumping my wife, taking up the gay lifestyle, and hoping to seduce Homebrew.
So that WAS you I saw on my way to the train this morning… 
I’ve decided to give up flirting and join a convent. Life is so much nicer there.
I smoked crack, picked up a couple of hookers and stole a Krispy Kreme truck. Then I discovered a giant octopus. Also, I am Elvis.
I am a former president of the United States.
-Loopus
I really liked the movie Freddie Got Fingered!
Ich bin deinen Vater.
The weather in Minnesota today is just beautiful, and Minnesota drivers are experts when it comes to driving on snow.
I have decided to become a lesbian.
Jack Dean Tyler has asked me to marry him.
I said yes:D
By the way … we’re pregnant! We’re BOTH hoping it’s a boy.
Georgetown accepted me
I won $45 million in the lottery, and was able to buy myself eveything I’ve ever dreamed of! (like a new house, new furniture, new computer, new TV, etc., etc., etc.)
I am the hitherto unknown love child of Mamie van Doren and Bob Barker.
I just started the Savannah branch of the Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler Fan Club. I’m not only the president, but I’m also a member.
I have given up on professional wrestling after a tragic mishap involving spilled nachos. I will instead follow professional bowling with the same passion.
I realized that top 40 radio isn’t that bad and have started a Yahoo Group to discuss the many layers found in NSync lyrics.
I gave up hockey for curling.
I don’t care what the new job offers me, I’m staying where I am! I can’t imagine a friendlier, more fulfilling place to work.
God, I could go for a big steak.
Amazon.com? What’s that?
The Lord of the Rings makes me vomit. And that Elijah Wood… yuuuuuuuch!
Don’t do that to me when I’m drinking! Water coming out of one’s nose is not a pleasant experience.
Oh, here’s mine: my husband and I are both becoming wiccan lesbians. And moving to Arkansas.
Seriously, I am celebrating another anniversary of my 39th birthday today.
I got laid.
I’m the father of Liz Hurley’s baby. I feel really bad about this. You’d think I would have learned something from the whole Jodie Foster fiasco.
I’m going to spend my summer holiday in Israel!!!
I couldn’t be more thrilled about this!!!
[sub]I’m not allowed in the country any old way, because I was born in Iran.[/sub]