Doper men - how do you react to this statement?

I was watching X-Weighted (Canadian weight loss show - you can get it on some channels in the US - not too important to have seen it, I don’t think).

Featured was a couple - him 6’, 350 lbs, her 5’ 250 lbs. Both were very out of shape - the woman particularly so - at the beginning of the episode, participants do a fitness test designed specifically for them by the host - theirs included laying down on your stomach and standing up - basically lifting your own weight off the ground - 15 times. The woman REALLY struggled.

Another component is for each participant to set a fitness goal for the end of a 6 month period (when they’re exercising, eating well, etc). The woman elected to re-certify as a life guard. The man elected to do mixed marshal arts.

Fast forward 4 or 5 months - there is a bit of trouble/tension with the couple (probably not surprising as they’re both trying to diet/lose weight which can make you cranky). The woman was interviewed about how things were going and she said something during the interview that gave me pause.

She stated that she no longer felt comfortable voicing her opinion in the house because her husband was studying mixed marshal arts and she didn’t feel safe any more.

So - I’m withholding comment until some of you doper men have weighed in - I talked to the Mr. about it and got his POV but I’m interested to see what other folks think about her statement.

Doper women - feel free to weigh in too if desired.

I’m guessing I feel the same way you do – it creeps me the fuck out and sets off major alarm bells in my head. No one in a romantic relationship should fear their partner.

I would wonder if maybe he’d been aggressive in the past or something.

I don’t have a really strong opinion about MMA. I think it’s dangerous for the participant. I don’t think it’s dangerous for the participant’s SO unless the particpant is unstable. I don’t know that the case can be definitively made for fighter instability in any fighting discipline

My first guess is that she meant it as a joke. I can totally see saying something like that and trying to be funny. If she was serious, though, all kinds of alarms would go off.

Only having read that statement, not knowing anything about the couple whatsoever or even actually getting to hear her say it (tone and inflection can be important). She sounds passive aggressive. It sounds like she’s getting ready to leave him and in getting her ducks in a row one of the things she’s doing is getting people on her side. After making a statement like that, she is implying that he’s dangerous and the she fears for her safety. If she leaves him people will applaud her strength rather then bitch about her not trying to work things out.

It’s like making a few random statements to your mom about how your high school teacher never calls on you when you have a question and how he really seems to be going out of his way to be vague and doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about Then she’s happy that you managed to pass with a C- instead of being mad at you for not doing better or getting extra help.

Totally serious. FWIW, there was no indication, whatsoever, that the husband had now or ever been aggressive/physical with her. This was purely her being uncomfortable because he was now doing MMA.

If that’s the case, then that’s kind of a bizarre thing to say, IMO. I had assumed that she didn’t feel safe because he was acting aggressive such that she had a legitimate reason to think he might punch her. If she was just assuming he might punch her because he was involved in a sport that involves punching people, then I don’t think that’s fair to him. Normal people can be involved in aggressive, physical activities without that carrying over into their relationships.

I have to think, though, that there must be some behavioral change in him that led to the statement – even if he hasn’t been slapping her around, he may be exuding a bit more of a testosterone-fueled attitude that’s making her nervous.

My reaction: WTF?

I don’t see any reason the study of MMA should make her uncomfortable. Strongly suspect if the guy wants to get physical with her, he can do it without any super-secret MMA Ninja Pirate tricks. If he hasn’t been violent with her before, he’s probably not going to start just because he has a new hobby. Plenty of people study MMA or singular martial arts as a form of exercise.

Any answer above could be the reason, or some entirely different reason may be the correct reason.

I’ll file this in the “WTF?” file until we learn more about her off-hand comment. Right now, she should be doing 200 laps in a 25m pool…either way, she’ll be better off for it.

^ this right here.

Many years ago I lived with a beautiful woman that I was madly in love with. A couple of months after we moved in together, it was apparent that she was an alcoholic and that her drinking was increasing. Her behaviour became so erratic and so violent (she drove her car off a cliff with her two dogs inside with her, destroyed a 20’x30’ inground pool at our little housing complex by throwing trash and rocks and furniture into it, so that the cement cracked and filter system broke… that kind of thing) that for several weeks, every night, I was afraid she was going to flip out and stab me with a pair of large sewing scissors she used for her needlepoint work.

Those weeks sucked more than I can describe, and I fled the state and her as fast as I could once I had the cash to do so.

No one should fear their partner. It’s unimaginably bad to have to live that way. I know; I’ve been there.

So I had the same reaction as friend Giraffe.

Sounds bizarre.

If he’s dangerous with MMA then he’s dangerous without MMA and she shouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place.

If he’s not dangerous without MMA then who knows what the heck she is talking about but probably something along the lines of what Joey P said.

I wonder if she’s the type of person that doesn’t allow anything violent in her house at all. No GI Joes, no squirt guns, no movies with violence etc etc etc.

Did they make a joke about Kung Pow/Kung Fu in that show? I hope they did.

So - this right here was my reaction as well, and when I described the program to hubby he had the same reaction.

At the beginning of the program he outweighed her by 100 lbs. She was in such horrible physical condition that she could barely lift herself off the ground. If he wanted to get tough with her all he’d have to do is sit on her - no MMA required.

Personally, I was kind of offended on his behalf. Based only on what was presented during the program, he was a perfectly nice guy dealing with a wife with serious issues. At one point a self esteem expert came in to review closet contents, etc. and recommended that she get rid of some of her larger sized clothing. She had a total melt down, kicked him out of the house, and told her husband that she was taking the bed and to get out to the living room. Huh. So I guess she wasn’t TOO scared of him if she kicked him out of his own room.

Personally I found her statement very self-serving - as Joey P described - like she was trying to set herself up as victim, just in case.

My reaction is that she’s trying to be controversial on a TV show. Manufactured drama is what those shows thrive on. If i had heard something like that from a real person outside of reality tv it would give me pause and i would have to wonder why they stay with a person who’s only barrier to kicking their ass is lack of kung fu skills.

FWIW, this particular show tends to avoid that sort of drama. It’s pretty well strictly about exercise/weight loss. Obviously some emotional issues come up (as you don’t wind up 100+ pounds overweight without some emotional stuff going on), but it’s not the focus at all.

male here.
There is a significant problem here. If her husband is making her uncomfortable that is a bad sign. He isn’t holding up his end of the relationship and needs to fix it. She needs (within the bounds of safety) to help. But the situation is not tenable. It has to be fixed. And the martial arts stuff is a detail. No one need fear the skills of a “martial arts” student after 4 months. He apparently is not projecting a good attitude-at a minimum.

Maybe she had outstanding warrants she was worried he’d turn her in for?

Some people do get more aggressive in general when practising aggressive activities. This seems to be kickboxing type martial arts rather than the more contemplative styles.

Hard to say with so little info, Id want more detail about whats actually scaring her.