FairyChatMom and I have decided to recruit performers for a Doper Talent Show. She’s going to play the accordion; I’m going to tap-dance; we’ll share the emceeing duties. (Hey, if this distracts us from our efforts towards world domination, it’s all good, right?)
So – who are you, and what is your act? The more detail, the better – paint a picture for us here, while we look over your 8x10 glossy and make some notes…
So, where should we put the casting couch??
I’ve got a nice couch in my office that could be “put to use,” if you know what I mean (nudge nudge, wink wink).
I play the piano (well, a portable keyboard for now 'cause a real piano is kind of hard to move from apartment to apartment) pretty well, and I’ve been in a fairly large number of bands. I play lost of styles; jazz, blues, classic rock, funk, etc. I’ve even sung a few times until the rest of the band decided we had to get a “real” singer (whatever that means).
Pick me! Pick me!
Hi, I’m Val, and I can stick my tongue up my nose. I’m also double jointed and have freakishly small pinkie toes.
As a bonus, my husband and I will sing “Love Shack.”
Before you say it, allow me: “This is a talent show, not a circus!” 
“Hi, I’m Flander. I’m a professional rollerskater and I’m going to skate for YOU!”
I can sing “Love on the Rocks” and sound almost exactly like Neil Diamond. I’m not kidding. I can’t sing anything else to save my own life, but that I can nail with chilling accuracy, according to my wife. I don’t even like that song. I started doing the imitation because I wanted to make fun of it.
But there it is: My only talent.
Val, twicks and I use the phrase “talent show” somewhat loosely. Do you have an 8X10 of the freakish pinkie toes??
lightingtool, step over to the baby grand and show me your stuff, so to speak…
Flander – have you given any thought to adding flaming batons to your act?
Loopydude – we’re also going to need crew, ushers, ticket-takers, etc.
Flaming batons? :eek: I don’t even want to know what the insurance for that will run…
Insurance!!! Don’t be bourgeois – I’m talking ART here!
Yah, but, no really, check this out…
<ahem>
Luv on tha rahcks…ainno big s’priize…jus pour me a driiiiiiink an’ I’ll tellumah lies…ain nuthin’ t’ looooz, so you JUS sing th’ blooz…all th’ time
<crickets chirp>
Yeeeah. So! Right. Tickets! Got it.
Um, ok…
Goes over to baby grand and removes clothing
What?
Oh.
Well, forget that piano stuff. My real talent is the ability to pick the slowest line in any situation; at the gas station, grocery store, bank, wherever. My gf and I know have a system where I’ll choose a line, we’ll stand there for about 15 seconds so the curse can take effect, then she’ll pick a new line. This line will always get us out the door faster than the line I picked.
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom]
Val, twicks and I use the phrase “talent show” somewhat loosely. Do you have an 8X10 of the freakish pinkie toes??
[QUOTE]
Of course! What do you think I take on all those auditions?
They’re about three-quarters of an inch long, and almost half as long as my “normal” toes. Itty bitty toenail to match, complete with a dab of pink polish. Polish color can be changed to suit your tastes, but please let me know a couple of days in advance as I generally end up painting most of the toe and will have to wait for some of it to wear off.
Being double jointed and all, there is a chance (but not a guarantee) that I could stick my little toes up my nose (one at a time of course). This would be a first attempt made solely for the SDMB talent show. Put that on your sign and you’ll sell some tickets, I tell ya!
I am willing to perfom!!! My talent is great! My talent is jaw dropping and utterly amazing!!
Are you ready!! Can you contain yourself??? Be ready to cheer and applaud!!!
I can…
**SURF THE INTERNET SUCCESSFULLY FOR HOURS AND HOURS AT A TIME!!! ** :eek:
Well, if y’all are serious about actual talent, I do sing rather purty link in my sig. Beyond that, well, I can do that whole tying-cherry-stems-in-knots-with-my-tongue thing. I once did about 25 in rapid succession, I could try to set a record!
Well, I’m a composer and pianist. I released a CD of original piano solos, and was the First Place winner of the Silent Film Scoring Contest sponsored by the University of Wyoming.
My link is also in my sig. AntaresJB I’ll be checking out your site!
I can light, smoke, and ash a cigarette using only my toes (And a lighter, obviously), among other interesting foot tricks. I don’t know if any of you would actually want to watch them, though.
Hmm, sounds like we have some people with actual talent trying to sign up here – this is really throwing a monkey wrench into our plans. Whaddya think we should do about this, FCM?
Ya know, Antares, if we could fit a teeny-tiny camera in one of your molars and project your stem-tying on the Big Screen[sup]TM[/sup], we’ll have the crowd on their feet!!
RGB, sweetie, why don’t you just try on this usher uniform??
Well, RNATB snuck in there while I was posting – I’m seeing the cigarette thing as kind of an entr’acte thing – unless you wanted to light Flander’s batons for him/her…
…or perhaps some sort of pedal duet with yellowval.
furiously scribbles notes
NEXT!