Talent is good. Maybe we need to bill this as a variety show - isn’t that truth in advertising?
Hmmm, maybe we could have DooWahDiddy and lightingtool rassle, and the winner gets to play the piano! Ir has that been done to death??
Done, certainly – but not “to death.” Do you think jello or tapioca pudding would work better under the lights?
How about Spaghetti-Os??
::::: runs in, hoping she didn’t miss the audition :::::
I can ride a unicycle.
( am I in??? )
I apologize for suggesting that you lack an artistic vision, FCM. Now get back to work on the Molar-Cam – I see a group of taut-bellied young men queuing up to show me what they can do.
C’mon in, hon, don’t be shy…
mistee – how do you feel about flaming batons? or Spaghetti-O’s? or flaming Spaghetti-O’s?
Flaming Spaghetti-Os?
May I be the first to say: BAND NAME!!!
:D:D:D:D
FCM…
But I dont know how to USH, I know how to surf!!.. On the internet!
Oh Wait!!! lightbulb dings above head
I can bring my extensive collection of Flip Flop Sandles!!! Oh, 
this is a Talent Show, not Show N Tell. :smack:
Hand me that Usher Uniform. And I will need a flashlight…
I’ll tell ya what, you take the uniform and the flashlight and practice a bit, and maybe we can bill you as The Shadow Puppet Usher!!! Whaddya think?? It’ll be huge!!
Now you’re thinking, FCM
C’mon people! Where are the animal acts? The ventriloquists? The plate spinners?
I will work on my act. Maybe… could I have colored flashlight bulbs??
I would certainly need a Usher Uniform that looked different from the others. Maybe, with some glued on Sequins or something… 
Or a jacket that has a Shadow Puppet catch phrase on it! hmm…
Would you have a spot for somebody who can recite Horton the Elephant Hatches an Egg? I can also roll a mean ball of yarn.
Okay – if you can do both at the same time while drinking a glass of water, I think we’ve got a spot for you.
Back in the day, when the first inkling of ‘pay to play’ came to light, some talented Dopers offered their services here, for a benefit show.
My talent is that I can count to 21.
I defy anyone to run nekkid thru a thread better’n me.
OK… this is a doozy… I hope you can handle it…
My act starts stage right… all is silent as the spotlight is on me… out of my pocket I pull out a piece of gum. Yes. Gum. (The suspense is killer, isn’t it??) I unwrap the gum, put it in my mouth, and start to chew. (This is where the shocking part comes in) I first take one step, then two. I WALK ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STAGE! (Try to contain your amazement) But the fun doesn’t end there. No! Once the mad applause dies down, I sing - still chewing the gum, mind you - all of Handel’s Messiah, including harmony. If you’re *really * lucky, I’ll choreograph it as well.
I conclude my act with a sweet little Shirley Temple-type curtsey (cuz momma always taught me to be a lady!) All I ask is that you keep the roses thrown on stage to a minimum. I’d hate to trip and fall, and not be able to share my act with others (that would just be unfair!)
Naturally, I don’t expect any special treatment just because my most wonderful mother is organizing. I only expect special treatment cause I’m so darn cute!
Thank you, and goodnight!
I have no unique talents to offer, but I can offer my services for the advertising and promotion of the show.
Robin
I’ve got a knife throwing act. Of course I will be needing a buxom assistant who is not afraid of knife wielding geezers with poor eyesight. On second thought, less buxom probably equals less target area and a kinder, safer act.
My dog will dance on his hind legs for an unending stream of WheatThins! Now what did I do with his hula skirt?