I actually do it rather frequently - with Hilarity’s situation.
We have different last names. When I need to get something done as “my husband’s wife” if is just easier to go into it as “Mrs. John Doe.”
I also use it when we go out socially with his coworkers - at his Christmas party my nametag reads Myfirstname Mylastname (Mrs. John Doe). These folks see me once a year - matching me with my husband allows us to engage in easier small talk.
I also answer to “Kidsname’s Mom” which isn’t quite so formal, but seems to be the way kids (and some of those kid’s parents) address grownups - and it works. And I introduce myself that way when I’m meeting parents I don’t really expect to have much to do with long term.
I also couldn’t bring myself to address wedding invitations this way. My grandmother probably gasped at seeing her envelope addressed to “Mrs. Jane Doe,” but gah, it just rubs me the wrong way.
In fact, I tend to avoid the use of “Mrs.” in general. If formally addressing a man doesn’t give any information about his marital status, the same should be true for Ms. Doe.
Here is the answer, it is the unfortunate consequence of original sin, where Eve was put in submission to her husband. Fortunately Jesus came to restore all things, and Ann Onimous is exactly correct, the two become one, and there is no concept of self on either gender (yes you can gain a penis, and your husband a vagina and a womb, you can experience all male aspects of life, but it requires dumping that old obsolete philosophy that women are property and to counter it you must retain your individuality.)
This practice used to really bug me when I worked as a switchboard operator at a large hospital. Folks would call and ask for patient, “Mrs. John Smith”.
I would ask for the patient’s name, giving them the opportunity to realize how ridiculous their request was, and the caller would respond, huffy, “Mrs. John Smith!”
So when people called and asked that way, I just started saying, "We do not have a patient by the name of ‘Mrs. John Smith’ currently admitted to the hospital.’’ If that didn’t work, I’d try telling them we didn’t have a patient by the name of “John Smith” in the hospital.
Most of them would honestly try it again, insisting maybe I didn’t spell either “John” or “Smith” correctly and reiterating that they meant “Mrs. John Smith”, not “John Smith”. I had quite a few lengthy arguments about how they were going to have to figure out/lower themselves to say out loud the woman’s actual first name before I could ring any room for them.
Many people never got it and just assumed I was being a bitch.
When I was actively flying my husband DID get referred to in that manner - because I was the one known at the airport. So he became “**Mr. **MyFirstName Broomstick”. The first time it happened he had a really strong reaction… then he “got” it. He finally understood what I meant.
You know, it’s one thing when a person who only knows my spouse uses it as a sort of shorthand to identify me, but it should be followed by something like “what is your actual name?”
If you wish to start a thread in GD about the Biblical basis for marriage, you may do so. This thread is for women to discuss whether they do or do not use their husband’s surname.
Please stay on topic if you wish to participate in this thread.
No, I’ve never referred to myself that way. The only person who has ever referred to me that way is one particular jerk-ass cousin I don’t speak to anymore because she’s a jerk-ass. (In the interests of full disclosure, I should note that her addressing me that way happened to be the current bone of contention when I’d finally had enough of her jerk-assitude. And yes, deliberately going out of your way to address someone that way when they have repeatedly asked you to stop because you don’t approve of their choices is an exercise in being a jerk-ass.)
I don’t think there’s any conspiracy or agenda; I do think there is a particular attitude ingrained in our society that is taking a long, long time to get rid of.
“My mother is so old-fashioned, she still calls herself ‘Mrs. Donald Williams.’ I imagine her at parties: ‘Hi, I’m Mrs. Donald Williams, but you can call me Don.’” - Danny Williams
Most of the people I know would only call themselves “Mrs. Joe Smith” under the same circumstances as Brad Pitt would be referred to as “Mr. Angelina Jolie” – i.e. as a jocular reference to who you’re married to, not as a serious name.
