silence
silence
…Why yes, I use sign language. 
Let’s go out tonight.
I’ve got mannerisms, regionalisms, and quirks. Just not really many that reflect in that passage.
Now, if, instead of going drinking, we were going to the lie-brey, I’d be able to go as soon as I found my lie-brey cart, and then I’d have a soda and wonder why the words Mary, merry, and marry all rhyme.
Wanna go see a movie tonight? The Fountain. It’s going to be GORGE-OUS. Somethin to eat first? Beer! The guys are going to the Replay tonight, wanna go? I want to get a six-pack, so I’ll meet you around five-ish at your place, cool?
Kansas City born and raised of St Louis parents.
Besides, I come from a region that speaks with the “Inland North” dialect, which is probably as close to “Standard/Mass Media American English” as you can get.
Hey Don, wanna go see a movie? The Ridge is playing the Decapitators. It looks like it could be pretty sweet, tons of blood n shit and some guy gets his face ripped off. We could grab something to eat first, though. Maybe get some Thai or something. Whatever sounds good to you? Oh, and 'round 8, Daryl and Lee and people are gonna be at the bar on Water Street, wanna join? I’m gonna stop at the party store first and get some shit to bring with. See ya at 5.
[sub]Yes, I know that ‘party store’ is probably the only thing that sounds really out of place.[/sub]
Or, in comparison, the last few texts I’ve sent:
Southern US, born, raised, and still living here, unfortunately.
Although if I wasn’t gonna stick strictly to the names etc, and just went with the general idea:
Hey Erica, what’s up? I was wondering if you’d like to see a movie. There’s this one playing, [name of movie], that I thought looked pretty sweet. I was thinking of grabbing something to eat beforehand, too. That sound good? Dunno, maybe Thai or stop at the WAB since they got half off food today. I know that Brad and Dave are going with some friends to Wild Woody’s later on tonight and are gonna get trashed. I thought that sounded cool, but I’ll go to the party store first and stock up beforehand to save some money. Awright, see ya in a while.
I’ll try - it’s kind of hard to translate all the mannerisms and facial expressions to typwritten words.
“H? Fancy the cinema tonight? Meet you after work in Bennetts and we’ll start a book on whether we make it out or not. Bring yer drinking trousers.”
Fairly self-explantory, my friend Hazel usually goes by “H”, Bennetts is our favourite bar and it’s hit or miss whether we actually make it to see a film. Drinking trousers? Well, doesn’t everybody have them?
Fuck, Brad you up for a few brewskis at Slutto’s mate? … aaah… Sat’die if you’ve got nuthin’ on. Naah, arvo mate, the young blokes’ll be at Nippers, won’t they? So you’re sweet. Cobber, there’s fucken booze buses everywhere 'round the Meccano set, so leave the ute at yer nan’s so you can crash at mine, or we can hit Mounties for a schooey first… naah, mate even if you’re on the lolly water, that ute’s outta rego, isn’t it? And it’s long weekend demerits. Anyway, I’m not going to pull a big one because I had to take a sickie last time I did that. I’ll just put twenty in the pokies, but no more. They’ll have the Test on in the TAB bar too.
I’ll give it a try, English as is spoken by her Maj:
“I say old bean do you feel like going to the cinema this evening as I understand there is a rather tacky film showing at the local emporium.”
“You do?” “Oh wizard show, we’ll call at the hostelry on our way as I believe there is a rather buxom wench serving there, we can also pick up some snacks and beverage on our way”
“Okey Dokey then, I’ll see you after tea then” “Shall we say around 5?”
Yo Don ‘sup dawg! Wanna go see dat Decapitatuh movie tonight, i heard it at the dolla show. That movie crazy yo, all violent n’ shit, and some dude get his face tore off. First tho let’s stop at that joint by yo crib real quick, we can git our grub own an’ i wanna holla at this dimepiece who work up in 'ner. Don’t get fuck up befo then either, cause we gon hook up w/ da crew round 8 and get our drank on at Watuh Street.
Aiight i’m finna stop off at the likka sto’ real quick, see u when i see u.
Hey, Don, you wanna go see this movie tonight? Sounds like a total action flick to me. We can grab a bite to eat down at Beef’s. Later some guys are meeting up at the bar and have a few after.
(Born and raised Southern, still live there, but ditched most of the accent.)
“Dude, we should go hit the Sunset Station and see Decapitators. Didja see the trailer? How awesome it was? With all the blood and stuff? So sweet. Y’wanna grab somethin’ t’eat first? I was thinkin’ we could head out early and chill at the Gaudy Bar, or we could just pick up some munchies and drinks at the sevy. A’ight, dude, seeya in a bit. I’ll swing by to getcha.”
My native homeland being the Las Vegas, NV area, which I always thought sounded most like Southern Cali, but Wisconsin natives up here swear I sound like I’m from the South East.
Sheeeiiiiiiiiit.
Typical Saturday afternoon phone call between my sister and me:
-Hey man!
-Hey man!
-How you doin’? (said with Joey from Friends style)
-Not much, just chillin’, you know, same old, same old. Got shitfaced last night at the Mallard. You?
-Went bar-hopping in the Mission with the regular crew. I’m partying east bay style tonight. Veronica’s having a do at her place and it should be pretty sweet. It’s her 30th, can you fucking believe that?
-Whoa. 30. We are getting totally old. It’s kind of a bummer. Yeah, I’m down. What time?
-Well I’m BARTing to meet Joss at 7:30. We’re gonna eat dinner first, do a little pre-partying and head out around, I don’t know, 9-ish? 9:30ish? You’re totally welcome to join us.
-Sweet! I’ll be at Joss’s around 8. Ohmigod I have a killer idea for a present!
-OK Byeeeeee!
-Bye man!
All right, I’ll give it a shot. (tries to empty out all self-stereotypes from brain and be honest):
“Hey [Don]na. [Pause, wait for response.] You wanna go to a movie with me tonight? I really wanna see The Decapitators at Showcase. I’m so excited, it’s supposed to be so baddass…though I admit I’m utterly terrified at the idea of it being too gory–though I’m told the gore is worth it, you know, vital to the plot. But you fuckin’ know how I feel about the director, so I can’t imagine it being anything other than stellar. Oh my god this is going to be SO awesome. Okay… let’s go out to dinner too! Can we? Yeah? Where do you wanna go? I really could not possibly care less…ooh! Ooh, wait. There’s this guy at the Pub n’ Grub who is so fucking hot you would not believe it, we should totally go there. Then at 8 Gracey is coming over here and we’ll watch more movies and drink tequila. Maybe I’ll even get drunk. Do you think I’ll get drunk? I’m such a shitty drunk–I’ll have like one drink and pass out, fuck that shit… you can get wasted for both of us, okay? Okay, I’ll pick you up at 5pm… is that okay for you, 5 o’ clock? OMG I’m so freakin’ excited, Donna, you don’t even know–I love you and miss you! You want to go with me to get the tequila after I pick you up? OMG! OK! OMG! Olives! See you then!”
So Goodwill Hunting meets Valley Girl. I dunno. 
(Female. 23. Midwest – Michigan. U.S.A.)
ETA: Yep. I’ll use “fucking” "fuckin’ " and “freakin’” in the same conversation, depending on context.
Nice, I think I’ve got it.
Beer on Saturday at Slutto’s, young babes at Nipper’s. Let’s take the bus and leave your car at home since it’s got expired tags/plates anyway. Can’t drink too much since I’ve got to work the next day, I’ll just take a few bucks to avoid overspending which leads to overdrinking.
Test on in the TAB bar? Breathalyzer maybe?
I’ve never tried to limit drinking by taking less money with me, someone will always be there to pick you up, so to speak.
Keep it up folks, this is kind of neat.
…get our drank on an’ our smoke on an’ go home wit’ sump’n ta poke on.
Gottcha, bro.