I’m in the middle of the Big Career-Change Research Thingie, and last week I had the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test done. My counselor, not to my extreme surprise, revealed that I was an INFP, with particularly high Introversion and iNtrospection scores.
Now, I always thought that those traits were disadvantages. My counselor, however, pointed out that they can be strengths as well, and are just a different way of dealing with the world.
At work right now, I sit amongst Marketing types who are mostly extroverts. One woman in particular is incredibly extroverted, always chatting and laughing–it seems she makes instant friendships with co-workers and clients, even over the phone. My counselor pointed out that she gains energy from these kinds of social activites; that they sustain her through the day. Introverts, on the other hand, find them draining, and tend to gain energy from being alone.
I have often heard it said that opposites attract; I’m not sure how true that is. Certainly this woman’s social energy and ability to form an instant network of friends is attractive.
My question: can this sort of attraction of opposites go both ways? How do extroverts perceive introspective and introverted traits? Do extroverts find them attractive, refreshing, or unatractive and creepy?
I’m guessing that you’re wondering if this woman could be attracted to you. ?.
What’s attractive about introversion - Appearing to be in deep- thought, an introvert is probably intelligent (perhaps that is just a stereotype, but I happen to believe it)
What’s attractive about extroversion - the implication of confidence, the possibility to be the talker in a conversation (assuming the extrovert has things worth saying. some can just talk obvious tripe, like anecdotes about every moment of their day)
One thing that extroverts like about introverts is that they pay attention when the extrovert talks, and the introvert has useful insights about the extrovert that other extroverts will never imagine.
Y’know, FranticMad, I had an additional paragraph on the end of my post saying that I was attracted to this woman, but that the age difference was too great, and I knew it wouldn’t work. But I deleted it. I guess I should have left it in. 
That was what started the train of thought, but the career stuff kinda hijacked it…
My guess is that the extroverts are better off the mark in social situations, but then the introverts can (with sufficient training) catch up. I’m more and more believing (based on the experiences of my friends) that success in the business world follows social skills rather than technical competence (although having both is ideal).
Hmm. That sounds like a good thread for Great Debates.
Lobsang, do introverts tend to be more intelligent than the population as a whole? Has this been demonstrated? I can imagine someone believing an introvert to be intelligent, until he or she opens his or her mouth…
I’m an INFP also and I’m very introverted. On rare occasions, I find someone with whom I ‘click’ and quickly establish a strong rapport. I can talk back and forth with them for hours and it feels great. But that’s a rare thing. Most of the time, I am a terrible conversationalist. A good listener, but I hold back when it comes to my own opinions and ideas. It’s not intentional - it just feels incredibly difficult to put things into words. I suck at making small talk.
My wife is a strong extrovert. She knows thousands of people, starts conversations with strangers, loves big parties, etc.
She says that she values how quiet and peaceful I am. She likes the fact that I’m comfortable being by myself. She says that some of those good qualities are rubbing off on her, that she’s learning to like quiet evenings at home instead of constantly running around doing a million things and talking to a million people.
But she’s a lot more versatile than I am. None of her social skills have rubbed off on me, unfortunately.
It’s not completely perfect. She thinks by talking out loud and I think first and talk later. Sometimes she’ll ask me a question and doesn’t wait for me to think about the answer. She either assumes that I didn’t hear her (because I didn’t answer right away) or she will answer for me and start asking follow-up questions.
What’s great is that my wife understands how I feel and doesn’t complain that I’m not ‘social’ enough. She can hang with her friends and leave me home to relax. But if she didn’t understand the introvert/extrovert thing, or if she insisted that we always had to do everything together - it would cause problems.