I made an appointment with a pediatric dentist today which I’m cancelling (partly for other reasons aside from the one I’m going to tell you guys about).
When I was making the appointment, though, I was told by the receptionist that they take the kids back there alone – no parents allowed in the exam room.
Well, Criminal Justice major that I am, that sent up a big fat red flag. I asked how many people would be in the room with her and the general answer was it’s usually the dentist and the (female) hygenist, but staff walk in and out all the time.
I can see the dentist’s point of view: you’re trying to do a job, and parents probably make things even worse. Maybe kids are more likely to act up when Mom is around. Parents are uptight anyway about someone rooting around in their kid’s mouth with sharp instruments, right?
On the other hand, though, I can think of no other kind of doctor with a policy like that. If I were a dentist – ESPECIALLY if I were a guy – I think I’d encourage parents in the exam room just so there’s no question of impropriety.
So is this standard operating procedure these days, or am I right to be a little suspicious?
I mean, I’m sure this dentist is probably on the up and up and I’m just overreacting. But I can just see it now: “Local Dentist Busted in Child Porn Ring” and when the word gets out about the no-parents policy, the chorus of “DUMBASSES! Your first clue to run should have been when they told you that you weren’t allowed in the room during the exam!”
While I have no idea if it was my dentist’s policy or not, my parents were NEVER in the room with me at the dentist, and I had extensive dental work even as a small child, so I wasn’t just there for regular cleanings. However, I was also not really alone w/ the dentist, as hygenists were always in and out of the room.
I’m 24 now, btw, and obviously this is just anecdotal.
Oh, and, yes, I’m allowed to go into the offices of my son’s dentist and doctor with him and it works out fine. I go with him to the hair dressers and to his guitar lesson too. I do think leaving parents in the waiting room is not the most efficient way of doing things since the practioner has to ask you questions before hand and report back to you afterwards. If you were there he could just do all that sort of during the exam.
The only time I remember having a parent in the room with me was when I was getting an emergency root canal done when I was 8. Other than that they weren’t with me, but I’m not sure whether or not it was allowed–it was just that we tended to schedule our appointments all together so that they were getting their cleanings done at the same time as us.
We’ve been with the same dentist for years from first visit to 18 and recent braces removal. We’ve always been allowed to go back, if we wished. There did come a point when the boy casually mentioned it’d be ok with him if I stayed in the waiting room reading. I took the hint and did, and the receptionist called me back for a quick visit with the dentist when they were done.
No way in hades would I have ever taken my very young child to a service provider that had a policy of, “No Parents Allowed.”
Can’t say as though I ever had anyone else in the room either. Though my mother is in the dental industry (a hygenist, the world’s greatest, as I CAN complain! )
Cleanings are generally done by a hygenist, more complex work by the dentist, who usually has an assistant, so there is a “chaperone”. I’m sure there are single clinical staff offices consisting of the dentist only, but it’s unlikely that I’d ever use one, even if I didn’t get free/heavily discounted care through the office my Mom works for. Dentists suck at cleaning teeth, hygenists do it all day long. (YMMV, and all that, I’m admittedly biased)
My mom was in the room during some oral surgery that I had as a teen, related to my orthodontics, but she was a hygeine student at the time, so it was “professional curiosity” and the doctors had no problem with it, but I’m sure that was the exception, rather than the rule.
My general feeling on health care is pretty simple, if you’re not comfortable with your provider, find another, there are plenty to choose from. Ask around, and folks will be happy to tell you if they are happy with their provider.
Good luck. When my new daughter (18days old) gets teeth, it’ll be off to Nana for her, so my choice is pretty darn easy.
See, that’s the thing. If it were optional, that’d be fine. My daughter may not want me back there, who knows – and I’d definitely leave the exam room if I was a distraction.
But being told that no, I can’t be back there was a little weird.
I agree it’s a little weird, but probably nothing to worry about. You might ask them for the specific reason why you aren’t allowed to be there. FWIW, when I was a kid my mum and little brother all tended to be in the (small) room at the same time because we’d get all our check-ups done in one appointment.
I’d say the most important thing is how your kid feels about it - if they don’t mind you not being there, it probably doesn’t matter, but I think most kids (up to a certain age) would prefer mum to be there, especially considering how popular going to the dentist is anyway.
Actually, my kids love going, so far. They get lots of free stuff.
Our dentist allows parents back the first time, and then prefers that we stay out of the way for subsequent visits. I don’t have a problem with it. Our dentist and all her staff are female, though, if that matters.
Possibly, but I doubt it – my dentist (waaah…I had to move, now I get to find a new one!) said if I had an after-hours emergency, he had to have somebody else to come in with him just to be around, said person probably being his wife. He said something about legal reasons, and I suppose I can see why, though he’s possibly one of the most harmless people on earth, aside from being a dentist. g
I’m guessing they don’t want parents freaking out back there and setting the kids off – if you’re nervous about the dentist, how much more nervous are you going to be about them doing that stuff to your kid, after all? It does make sense, if you look at it that way. Me, if I had kids, I’d rather there be the option of my going back or not.
Heck, I still want my mommy when I’m getting dental work done, and I’m 29. Fortunately when I need it there’s always an assistant who will hold my hand.
Well when I was a little kid my mom never went into the dentist’s exam room with me. I think the reason was mainly the exam rooms are small, it’s basically just room for the dentist to stand up in and walk around to the cabinets and room for the torture chair they have in there.
At that age any other doctor visit my mom came in with me, but all of my other doctors (eye, general practitioner) had chairs in their exam rooms and more than enough room for all three of us to be there without problem.
Hm. When I was a kid, my parents would generally go back with me at most doctors appointments - physician, dentist, orthodontist (went through the whole braces ordeal starting at the tender age of 8), opthamologist. They were never told they had to or they couldn’t, it was always left up to us.
FWIW, they went back with me mostly because they knew how much I hated it all, and that if they weren’t there I’d be a stubborn little thing and refuse to cooperate with the doc.
I had nasty experiences with a dentist when I was a child (six years old). He had the same “no parents” policy. No doubt because it would have been glaringly obvious that he hated children.
He yelled at me. He threatened to restrain me (I flinched when he hurt me). When he yanked out two baby teeth (because of “crowding”) he was absolutely livid that I was crying.
He also ended up doing work that was completely unnecessary just to line his pockets (which would have happened whether my mom was allowed in the room anyway, of course).
So, if you feel like this dentist’s policy seems a little strange, look for another dentist.
I’ve taken my kids to about six different dentists now, what with moves and all. About half pedodontists and half “family” dentists. All but one encouraged parents to stay with the kids; that one office (one of the “family dentistry” ones) preferred that parents stayed in the waiting area, but would allow you back if you insisted.
I have a REALLY clingy mom (I’m 47 and she still clings if I let her - but she’s thousands of miles away). I don’t remember her being in the exam room at the dentist’s ever, but I can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have been allowed back there if she’d felt the need (the exam rooms were small, so I think her common sense kicked in). She was always there for every other type of exam…
I agree that it would be OK if the dentist preferred for parents to be in the waiting room, but having the dentist prohibit it seems suspicious to me too.
When I was a kid, I went into the office alone. And my daughter’s dentist preferred that no parents come back - he felt it made it more stressful on the kids. I know there was nothing funny going on because the exam rooms had one wall that was all windows facing a main road. But it never occurred to me that anything other than dental hygiene was going down.
Afterwards, my daughter would come out with a new toothbrush, some stickers, and instructions not to eat or drink for 30 minutes. The dentist would meet with us in a small consultation room and discuss the exam. Very straightforward and professional.
Our excellent, excellent dentist handled it this way:
When the kids were very, very young, he would have them come in the exam room after I was done with one of my regular checkups. The first time, he let them climb up in the big chair, and he would make it go up & down and give them a ride. Of course, I was still there, having just finished up. The next visit, same thing, but he’d let them play with the funny mirror. Next time, same thing, except he’d ask if he could look at their teeth. No touch, just look and praise. Next time, he’s ask to count the teeth – gentle little touch with the metal instrument. Every time, of course, he gave them a prize, some plastic gimcrack or other, or a thingy to put on the end of a pencil.
So by the time they really needed it, there was no need for me to be in the exam room. All the exam rooms have big doors that are always open, so there is very obviously nothing inappropriate happening.
This guy was so good with kids, and so gentle. For a while when he was starting up his practice, he handled the local contract for some government program to provide dental care for underprivileged children; he said it was heartbreaking because so many had never seen a dentist’s office before, and needed extensive work done.
Anyway – I agree that for a very young child, a parent/guardian/whatever should be in there just to help get acquainted, for the kid’s reassurance. By the time there’s a need for anything serious, the child should be able to be in there alone.
I’m in Japan, so the culture is different and there are three chairs with dividers between them in our current clinic. But this dentist has a stool for the mum and a mini-chair and toys for waiting siblings next to each chair. So it seems to be expected that the parents will stay with the kids.
I have not gone in with my 8 year old recently but just now we are dealing with an abcess so I do go in. (And younger bro has a shit fit if I don’t go in because he wants the toys!!)
Speaking personally, I would absolutely NOT go to a dentist who forbade me to come in. I was hit by a dentist when I was five or so, because I wouldn’t sit still. I am still frightened of dentists now as a result of it. Miracle of miracles my kids don’t know that I am…
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