No, seriously. There are Dopers I have noticed recently named Chicken Fingers and Teacake. I am seriously hungry, people. WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME?!?!
I’m sure there are others. I’ve got a spork, and I know how to use it. You’ve been warned.
I think you might break your teeth on me. 
But Chefguy would be the one to cook the others to perfection.
I’m a partial food.
Luckily, I have innate Spork-resisting properties.
I believe Johnny L.A. has a titanium spork. I’m really glad he dinna kill my father cuz titanium beats even the best Spanish steel. He writes with an English accent, too.
Well, umm…
Because I can?
You are disqualified. I hate chocolate. 
You are own your own with the rest of the board’s population, however. Good luck.
I’m good if you need fiber in your diet I guess.
(hint, read name backwards)
I will not encourage the misunderstandings about my username by posting in this thread.
Oh, frak.
Okay, but I’ll take you with me.
Only if you promise not to leave a crumb.
I’ve made it easy for you to bite into me; depending on the location and intensity of the bite I might like more than you though.
I do, too.
And I’m not afraid to use it!
“Sporks.”
Pshaw!
It’s OK. I’ll still eat with you.
I make the kitchen a sunny and inviting place to be.
I’m thirsty.
Um, may break… for tea?
Well, sloths just want to eat me up.