down n dirty oral sex ranting

The BBQ Pit
1

This post is rated MA for strong language, sexual content and possible lizard abuse.

Saturday Night in Chicago: Jarbaby and her good friend Amy attend a bachelorette party at Club Lucky. We’ve been informed ahead of time that we will ‘probably be’ the life of the party, as most of the gals are married, housewife, suburban type women (very nice, attractive and fun by the way, just not…downtown party people)

Jarbaby gets periferally involved in a conversation in which advice is being given to the bride to be.

Jarbaby becomes shocked, and indeed appalled that in the year 2001, the following advice is being given:

“The nice thing about getting married is, you don’t have to give blowjobs anymore.”

“No shit. Is there anything grosser than putting a penis in your mouth?”

summed up with:

“I don’t know one woman in the world who enjoys giving head.”

I decided to intercede with:

“Well, I really like giving blowjobs. I think they’re fun, they get results, and they’re pleasing to the hubby. Besides, I like him to go down on me, so it’s a trade off.”

to which I am answered with:

“OH, that’s totally different though. I would never have sex with a guy unless he ate me out.”

Jar: “but you don’t give head.”

“If I can at all avoid it, I do. But he definitely has to go down on me. That’s the most important part!”

Jarbaby gets confused and excuses herself to the bar.

Now listen ladies. I’ve already exclaimed that even though I am one of you, I don’t understand you. I don’t get your act at all. How in the world can you expect someone to perform intimate acts on your hooha when you think their peen is ‘totally gross’? And how do you think it makes your SO feel when you say “eww…I don’t want that in my mouth”

And why are we trying to convince a new bride that she ‘doesn’t have to give head anymore’? As if blowjobs are akin to felting cloth or something?

And thirdly, why are you going around saying ‘no women like to give head’?!?!?!

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, Miss Uptight n Squeamish. At the risk of sounding slutty, if not out of control: I love to suck dick. I really do, and I’m not just saying that to win friends and influence people. I like to please my husband and he likes to please me: with tongues, lips, fingers, appendages, flashlights, geckos…whatever’s on hand.

If you don’t like to participate in oral…fine, but don’t presume to speak for all women or tell future brides that marriage ‘gets them off the hook’

yeesh. chicks…who can figure 'em out?

2

And besides all the stuff you just said…

I was with one of those girls who doesen’t like giving head. She damn-near screwed me up for life! She would do it occasionally, but I knew that she didn’t like it, so I would always hold back.

Now I hook up with a girl who loves it, and that “hold back” directive is still in my mind! Damn you bitch!

So now I have to learn how to think about it again. I will say this: It’s a lot more fun to practice this way!

–==the sax man==–

3

jarbaby, where do these women live? I’m not sure if I wanna go slap 'em, or if I just wanna stare at them because *they make no damn sense[i/].

Isn’t a HUGE part of the fun and joy of sex being able to do stuff that makes your partner’s eyes roll back in their heads? Including licking the pink parts, should that achieve the desired result? And if you’re gonna insist that your partner go there, you need to go there too!

I still give head after getting married. We still have sex just as often as we did before. If I were looking for ways to get out of it, it would mean I’d married the wrong man.

PS - If they think the penis is gross, over the next few years of marriage they have a few rude awakenings coming to 'em.

4

[Chris Rock]
I lok at a woman who doesn’t give head like she’s a Betamax. “Do they still make you?”
[/Chris Rock]
Hoqw can anyone not love giving head? I totally dig having an engorged schlong in my mouth, listening to the happy moans of the BF as I please him. There’s such a great connection when you go down on a guy.

I also am totally into rimming, but only after a thorough shower. Not a lot of guys will do it, but I have never had a guy turn it down!

5

That’s our little jarbaby!

I agree. I don’t get the “you’re married, no more sex/oral sex” at all. My husband and I sometimes still make a big pot of coffee and spend the night doing nothing but the nasty (the nastier, the better). No wonder he goes around smiling all the time.

Could there be a much better greeting for a husband/wife then their partner lusting them? (Which to me means ripping off clothes, eagerly pleasing them, and loads of oral sex)

Zette

6

Hmmm, they must be the same ones who got to my ex right before we got married! I think some women have just been repressed sexually and brainwashed by this dumb ass “sex is bad and dirty” mentality.

Jeez, people, sex is good! however you do it!

[sub]as if I needed another reason to want to find a woman like jarbabyj…[/sub]

7

Aren’t you worried about their tails falling off when they get excited?

8

Well, all I can say is that I’ll never look at geckos the same way again.

9

hjh>ER;M jwn’'wewa;az’47 4344e

uM, don’t mind me.

heh.

10

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by jarbabyj *

How in the world can you expect someone to perform intimate acts on your hooha when you think their peen is ‘totally gross’?

Man, I know you warned us about the strong language, but JEEZ!!!:smiley:

11

Geckos?

You stay away from my bunnies!!

Oh, and I was raised in a strict Indian family. Sex does not exist. The opposite gender does not have genitalia. Your own are to be ignored. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING.

No wonder my parents are so pissy. Hell, no wonder I’M so pissy.

12

I’ve never fucked a gecko, or indeed any other lizard.

this was simply a literary allusion.

jarbaby

13

. . . thank you.

It’s not a deal breaker, and I suppose I can see where the Squeamish are coming from (although, objectively speaking, I think what men are expected to do is much more “icky” than your average blowjob). Nevertheless, it is annoying. I mean, if you make a point of going down on a girl early and often, I think it’s just common courtesy to reciprocate (it also works the other way around, of course). I’ve always felt awkward bringing it up (not the best time to feel awkward), so it’s really appreciated when I don’t have to. Of course, the only thing worse than a woman who says “no” is a woman who says “ok,” but clearly doesn’t want to do it. While I appreciate the sacrifice, I then feel bad about her doing it and, more often than not, those who really don’t want to do it aren’t terribly good at it.

Add to this the fact that I don’t much care for handjobs (I chafe easily and, in any event, I can do a much better job myself) and all of a sudden “no blowjobs” = “no foreplay” (at least on my end of things), and that’s a lot less fun.

14

Jar, if’n I had a brother I’d hope you had a sister.

15

Yes, it IS possible for someone not to like it.

And the “common courtesy reciprocation” principle makes me feel HUGE guilt.

So lay off a bit, ok?

16

Well…I don’t think I said it wasn’t POSSIBLE. I said it’s ridiculous to try and speak for all women, so I suppose we agree. Saying “I don’t know one woman who likes giving head” is as bad as me saying “it’s impossible not to like it”

And this is just me, I suppose, but I would never DEMAND that someone do something for me without offering something for them. And these women were saying that oral sex was MANDATORY for them, but they didn’t want to give it back.

I think that’s selfish.

jarbaby

17

Giving head turns me on. MMkay? If you don’t like it, sure, you don’t have to like it. None of my fiance’s exes gave him head. EVER. I got to be the first :wink: He thinks I’m great at it, and I guess he’s got nothing to compare it to, so I won’t argue with him! He always has given head and never had the favor returned (again, this is your choice if you don’t want to do it) and I do not think that be fair.

(I admit I am not always in the mood to do it. Addendum: do not expect me to deep throat just after eating. Gag reflex exists for a reason and sucking dick is not it. Vomiting is a side effect of it.)

Joke my brother related to my fiance: do you know why brides smile walking down the aisle? They know they’ve given their last blowjob.

I am not allowed to smile until after the vows are spoken.

My ex gave really bad oral. I mean, terrible. Horrid. I know he’ll search the net and find this someday. ROB, DONT USE YOUR TEETH. PULLING ON LABIA WITH TEETH IS BAD!

=D

18

That is pretty obnoxious to say that NO women like giving head. SOME women don’t like it, true.

I used to resist it, mostly because of the way I had heard a lot of guys talk about it when I was in the Navy. They made it sound very demeaning and made me not want to be a part of it.

But now that I, and the guys I date, are a bit older and presumably more mature, I decided to give it a try. And whaddaya know, I discovered that A) it really is tremendous fun to watch a guy’s eyeballs roll back in his head; B) The POWER, my God, it’s intoxicating! C) I actually enjoy doing it; and D) I’m quite good at it.

If the guy chooses to go down on a woman even if she won’t do the same for him, that’s his choice, but for the love of Pete, don’t EXPECT it! Totally unrealistic, not to mention rude.

19

I’m not sure, but I think the flashlight part disturbs me more than the geckos.

The only place I’ve ever heard of women giving blow jobs until they got married has been in jokes. I really had no idea there were real people like that.

Sad. Very sad.

20

Groom walks down aisle with the biggest grin on his face. I mean he’s able to nibble both earlobes. He takes his place beside the best man who whispers, “Dude, what’s with the big smile? I know you’re happy to get married and all, but sheesh!” To which the groom replies, “I just got the best blowjob of my life and I’m about to marry the wonderful woman who gave it.”

Bride walks down the aisle with the biggest grin on her face. I mean she’s able to nibble both earlobes. She takes her place beside the maid of honor who whispers, “Well, what’s with the big smile? I know you’re happy to get married and all, but sheesh!” To which the bride replies, “I just gave the last blowjob of my life!”

Sorry, I jes’ hadda.