Fearful shudder uhm my fiance is from Georgia… and we’ve been together 3 years… and that pretty much describes our first night… DAN?
I had an old BF who was like that. I didn’t get off 27 times but about 6 or 7, which for me is pretty damn good, considering I’m one of those unusual women who has an easier time coming through intercourse than oral. I keep trying to find that guy again…Steve, if you’re out there, give me a call, OK?
Man, never go down on a ballerina. There were a few times I was afraid for my skull’s structural integrity.
I’m glad to see so many women who like giving blow jobs. I don’t think I’d like sucking a dick, so I always feel like a jerk asking a woman to do it. So now that I know, I won’t feel guilty if a woman does it of her own volition. But I’ve always preferred giving to receiving, anyway.
Ok, maybe I’m a prude, maybe I just don’t get the kind of hummers some of you do, but is oral sex fundamental to a succesful marriage? As far as I can tell these ladies were only doing the “bait-and-switch” on this one issue.
Let me see if I can re-phrase your concern. If a person has forced themselves to change to appear more appealing to a partner, in this case pretending to be willing to give blowjobs when they were really not willing, it is a fair bet that other parts of that person’s nature underwent a similar forced change. Perhaps she doesn’t like your friends? Maybe she thinks your mother is a bitch? Perhaps she is much more/less religious than she led you to believe by her activities during your courtship. In any case the end result is the same. One person, at least, is not coming into the relationship with honest disclosure about themselves. Unless they are willing to continue the charade for the duration of the relationship, this means they will, at some point, be a different person than the other party entered into a relationship with. This is the unethical/dishonest part. Now, weather you consider those, usually minor, deceptions enough of a reason to break off the relationship will have to be decided on an individual basis. Keep in mind that almost everyone practices these deceptions. Sometimes they are as simple as dressing nicer during courtship, keeping better personal hygiene, or giving blowjobs. Hell, as a society, we lie to ourselves so damn much that we can’t even be sure we aren’t bait-and-switching ourselves half the time.
Steven
So, how YOU doin?
Admittedly, it takes a while for me to really get going, but I think an hour and a half would be ample time. Gotta go get him one of those Lickahoy thingamajigs. Or maybe he just needs more practice sessions. 
Oh give me a fucking break. It’s not like he’s not getting insulin at home. I tried to convince myself of the above argument for years and never managed to talk myself into believing it.
My feelings on the subject are well documented in Ask the closeted bisexual guy!, but in brief:
Mrs. Chef is one of those women who is really not into giving head. I freely admit that I miss blowjobs. I miss them keenly and daily.
However.
I would rather not get a blowjob than get one and know she was just…accomodating me. Bleagh.
In fact, this recently happened. She got really super-frisky for a while earlier this year and during that time delivered one of the finest trumpet solos I’ve ever experienced… I swear I thought I was going to turn inside out. Afterwards, she grinned and said, “maybe you just have to acquire the taste for it.” Needless to say, my hopes soared.
Unfortunately, after several weeks there hadn’t been any further oral action… I did something I swore I would never do: I asked her for one. I hated every word as it left my lips. She hesitated and said, “…okay.” It was immediately clear that she had NOT acquired the taste for it. I had to stop her after a few seconds because the sensation of being reluctantly blown is rather horrible. So now I’m back to no blowjobs. Sigh.
The thing is, her desire not to do a sex thing trumps my desire to do it. Nor do I think the lack of knob-gobbling in my house is any justification for outsourcing the job. Case closed.
She certainly likes to be on the receiving end of oral. I like to go down on women, so we’re fine there. My big problem is that after extended sessions, the underside of my tongue would be scraped raw by my bottom teeth. One day I happened to be chewing a piece of gum when I was dragged into the bedroom by the steam-snorting, super horny Mrs. Chef; I didn’t have time to spit it out so I just worked it under my tongue to get it out of the way. To my surprise, it protected my tongue! Cinnamon gum like Trident is particularly interesting. grin
And that isn’t enough?
Sorry, but it’s the whole approach. You don’t deliberately bait-and-switch on someone you want to be as close as possible to, and I’m old-fashioned enough to believe that that’s the goal in marriage. When you do this sort of shit, your spouse isn’t gonna be your best friend; they’re not even really a friend. You’ve moved him/her into the category of an objective to be gained and held over time.
No, they already are a different person.
The point is, the best time to break off a relationship is before you say those vows, not after.
We all lie to ourselves somewhat; we all see ourselves somewhat different than we really are. And in courtship, we all probably act a bit nicer than we’ll be over the years and decades of a marriage.
But I’m not cynical enough to believe that ‘almost everyone’ deliberately deceives their prospective spouses about fairly important likes and dislikes. And while blowjobs are hardly essential to a marriage, sex is an integral part of a marriage, and that makes one’s attitude toward one’s partner’s favorite turn-ons ‘fairly important’ in my book.
YMMV, but in my world, lying about stuff like that, in order to get the guy to say ‘I do’ to the most serious promise one hopes to make in a lifetime, is pretty serious shit.
Doin’ just fine now…how you doin’? 
Started a thread in MPSIMS to flirt with you. No answer yet. Sigh
Hey, I think you may have hit the problem on the head (heh heh… head…). The old “I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I don’t want to do” syndrome.
Well, I do admit to being from Tallahassee. That’s really just “south Georgia”, but the last time I checked my driver’s license the name “Dan” was nowhere to be found.
Oh, and Geobabe, there are more fish in the proverbial sea. According to the posts in this thread there are quite a few qualified individuals that could do you justice. ;):D:p
First one to show up on my doorstep gets the prize. I’m in Northern Virginia, FTR.
That’s what I get for not being named tavalla.
Oh, don’t tell me I fucked that up. Let me try it again.
I cut a lot to keep people from getting lost, I ramble enough as is :).
I don’t believe women are as cold-blooded about husband hunting as you seem to think.(except for some Southern Belles, did you know there is a book written about how to flatter your way into his family’s good graces and then how to slowly strangle his relationship with them so you have him all to yourself? No kidding, it’s real. I’ve read it. Cold-blooded bitches! Think Scarlet O’hara.) Most instances where someone had one behavior before “I do” and a different behavior afterwards were probably because the person genuinely changed, not because they were different all along and lied about it. The times where some deception was present, the person was probably lying to themselves as well. “Well, if I keep doing it long enough, maybe I’ll get used to it? No reason to tell him I don’t like it and almost retch every time until I know it’ll always be like that.” In a world, especially American society, where self-image and reality are so far apart, isn’t this a reasonable possibility?
I agree, cold-blooded lying about your habits/preferences in order to seem more attractive to someone is inexcusable. I tend to believe there was a joking/lighthearted mood which JarbabyJ did not convey. But since that seems to be what the ladies(ladies? HAH! cold-blooded bitches!) in the OP were advocating, they should experience their own personal hell where they are forced to perform oral for eternity and never receive.
Steven
Your abilty to make a woman scream with your tongue is terrific and the women in your life surely appreciate it.
I’ve slept with a whole lotta guys in my time (no, numbers aren’t forthcoming. ) I’ve had some truly amazing head.I was, like most women, a huge fan of having head-exploding orgasms courtesy of my lover’s oral ministrations. Like 8 out of 10 woman I’ve personally known, and lots more besides, I never orgasmed from intercourse all by itself. In 20 years of sex, doing everything imaginable, just never. It always took extra stimulation from my hand or his or usually I’d just come first. And I was content with this. I understood the physical limitations involved and knew that I was hardly unusual in this, so I accepted that it just was not possible for me to come from fucking; I wasn’t one of the lucky ones.
Well, today ladies and gentlemen, you see before you a new woman. A woman with a man who is the Arthur to my orgasmic Excalibur. And let me tell ya… there is nothing like it. Nothing. Beats the shit outta oral sex any day, even fantastic oral sex. The first 20 or so times he did it, I ended up in ** tears. ** And boy did he feel pretty damn special then!
So, if your girlfriend/wife is like I was (and statistically, some of them have to be) and you want to * really * blow her mind, learn how to make her come with your masterful penis. I am living proof that it can be done. (In fact, the balance of orgasm has tipped completely in the years we’ve been together. Now intercourse is the way I come 95% of the time. Oral orgasm is a fun change of pace.) She’ll be yours forever.
stoid
NO FAIR!!! I’m a thousand miles away!!!
I would tend to disagree. I don’t know first-hand, having never been married, but there are so many cases, anecdotal though some surely must be, that the “bait-and-switch” simply isn’t a matter of humor.
This ties into a much larger issue dealing with marriage and what it all means, but I’ll stay out of that for now, touching only on the issue that it would appear that a large number of people, women and men, present a different image pre-nuptials than the reality turns out to be following them. Do some simply change, sure, but, as is obvious from the comments of the OP and much word-of-mouth (no pun), some plan, quite deliberately, to modify their behavior.
I’m not saying it’s all about the blow-jobs, it’s about the many little things that people purport to be normal and common while in “the hunt” but drop all affectation later showing it to simply be pretense.
IANASocial Scientist, but perhaps it is a problem with the American culture. Almost anyone would tell you we’ve got the strangest sense of morals relating to sexual behavior when compared to many other large nations (looking at you, European Union) and that would almost certainly have an affect on it. The “it” I this case being people ability to enjoy sexual experimentation without the accompanying feelings of guilt, “dirtiness,” shame or labels. Of course safety is a factor and of course risibility is important, too, but how much of what we’re hearing about in the OP stems from women being brought up in a culture that looks at them as sluts or “bad girls” for “doing those things?”
Heck, maybe that’s something in and of itself: what are the odds that the culture isn’t really that way (anymore?) but momentum keeps it so? Fear of speaking out against it, fear of the labels attached to those that would speak for such a thing, keeps the status quo.
Hmmm, maybe I’m rambling again, I can’t tell.
I don’t know your man’s technique, but I can relate what works for me. Slow, slow, slow. Start in the morning, let it build, over the course of an hour or more, then stop cold and no more touching for the whole day. When you come back together that night, slow, slow again. This type of orgasm, from what I can tell, isn’t as much from the physical contact as much as it is from the psychological tension and release when the connection is made. Believe it or not, the missionary position and the butterfly position are the best I have found for this, butterfly is my personal preference. The gentle rocking motion and eye contact is nice, but if she is the submissive type, consider missionary with a fair bit of body contact. It takes a lot of work though.
Steven
No, that was part of my point - I don’t think many women act like this. But I think any who do are beneath contempt.
I’m not talking about changing over time. I’ve been married ten years; change is natural, but it generally doesn’t land in your lap all at once unless you haven’t been paying attention to your partner.
It’s always possible. But if that bit of self-discovery coincided with the period immediately preceding the wedding, I’d be damned disappointed if the bride shared it with her friends first, and in a joking manner too.
I think jarbaby conveyed both the joking tone and the underlying seriousness. At least, that’s what she indicates that she perceived, and I think she’s a good enough writer so as not to mislead us on that score.
Works for me. 
We have such a strange attitude about sex in the US–I know we have lots of posters from other countries, but most are in the US. We have this bizarre dichotomy, where on the one hand, everything is about sex–just turn on the TV or open a magazine and there is some barely clad nubile young thing staring at you; and on the other hand, there is still this puritanical just-say-no business, oh no, kids, don’t have sex, sex is bad, mmmkay? Pair that with the double standard that still exists among a lot of people, that it’s OK for men to be sexual but not women, and you end up with women who flaunt their sexuality everywhere except the bedroom. Sad.