CHICAGO (AP) - A man who called himself “Dr. Chaos” was sentenced to 13 years in prison Thursday for hiding deadly cyanide in a Chicago subway tunnel. Joseph Konopka, 26, of DePere, Wis., is also expected to receive a 20-year sentence in federal court in Wisconsin for a crime spree that included sabotaging power lines, air traffic control signals and radio and TV transmission towers. “I certainly apologize to the city of Chicago, the citizens and all of the people who had to retrieve the chemicals,” he said. U.S. District Judge Wayne Andersen asked why he had gone on his vandalism spree. “I don’t have a real good reason,” he said.
—What the hell kind of statement is that for Dr. Chaos to make? He should be going, “BWA-hahahaha! I shall be revenged on you cowering worms!” or even a simple, “Drat! Foiled again—but I’ll have my revenge . . .”
Tell me about it. Then there’s Bill Gates. You’re in Washington State, how freakin’ hard can it be to find a dormant volcano to put your headquarters in?