drafting a letter to accompany my will

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m just now having a new will drawn up (as hard as it is to believe, my current will leaves all my worldly goods to the person I least want to get them–my ex-wife. We divorced 13 years ago, but I’ve still got the same will we drew up when we were married.) But it’s a pretty dry document–basically I’m leaving everything to my younger daughter.

I wonder about including other information: why (for example) I left her money but not to her older sister (I think we all understand what my motivation is, but we don’t really talk about it much, and I’ve got some things to say that I’ve never said on the subject); how I would feel if she decided to share her inheritance with her older sister (basically, I’m fine with it–not that it matters much how I feel when I’m dead–but I’d like my younger girl to get full credit for generously giving her sister money that I didn’t think the older one deserved. And if she decides to keep the money, that’s fine with me, too. if it were up to me, that’s what I’d prefer, in fact, but I dont want my younger one feeling any guilt over doing otherwise.)

Also some practical stuff–which items are particularly valuable (I own thousands of books but some are rare signed first-editions, for example) and other such information as might be helpful in dealing with the mountain of crap I’ve acccumulated over the years.

Any suggestions for writing such a document? Anything I want to address particularly? Anything you think I shouldn’t address?

Finally, what should I do with such a letter? My brother’s my new executor, so I was thinking of sending him a copy to give to my daughter.

I’m perfectly healthy, 52 y.o., not planning to go any time soon, btw. My daughter’s going to be 16 this summer.

2

You should ask the attorney who is drawing up your new will to include the letter with it. I can’t imagine there would be any problems with it, and giving a second copy to your executor is a fine idea.

Remember that this letter is the last thing your children will ever hear from you. Yes, by all means, take care of the business aspects, but I would also include some personal messages to them: how much you love them, how proud you are of their accomplishments, etc. Even though it sounds like you may be somewhat estranged from your eldest daughter, I would include a message to her as well. Even if you don’t approve of her choices, you should let her know you still loved her.

It would be helpful, I think, if you would put a slip of acid-free paper in the front cover of each of your valuable books, and number them, so that your daughter will be able to easily identify them. If you would put a little note on each telling her where you bought it and why you loved it so much, it would mean the world to her, I’m sure. She’ll treasure them more knowing why you treasured them.

I would also attatch an object-safe* note or lable to each object that you have specific wishes as to what’s to be done with it. Better yet would be to do this in addition to having a catalog in a binder, including a picture of the item and its history. This could stay in your house, but put in the letter where to find it.
*By that, I mean a lable which will do no harm over the long-term to the item. No stickers, for example.

3

IANAL, so the usual caveats apply.

I would suggest that you get certain items professionaly appraised, and include that appraisal with your will, if you consider certain items more valuable then others.

I don’t know your relationship with your older daughter, but instead of a letter, why not try and tell her what you’re doing now and why? It may be the wake-up call she needs. I personally don’t think wills are appropriate for the neener neener neeners, as it leaves the survivors feeling horrible and with no chance to resolve the matter.

I would not express any opinion one way or the other of how your daughter spends her inheritance. She may decide to blow it all on a yacht or donate it to a shelter, it’s her money.

Keep in mind, after you’re gone, your older daughter may feel cheated, and your younger daughter will feel guilty that she got everything and her sister got nothing. I don’t know what relationship they have, but please keep in mind they are sisters, and I don’t think your “poisoning the well” so to speak is in their best interest.

Again, I’m operating off the little info you’ve provided so far. Please feel free to explain further if I’m misinterpreting something.

4

IANAL, but we’ve spoken intensively to one setting up our will and trust.

First, you will need to revisit this when your younger daughter becomes 18.
Second, you can have an executor and a separate financial executor. We have a professional financial management company assigned as the financial trustee of our trust, so our daughter (who is now over 18) doesn’t have to manage it.
Third, you don’t have to give all the money out all at once. It’s possible to dole it out in increments, with provisos for more for education, etc.

I assume you have a digital record of all your furniture already, right? Perhaps you can annotate that with information on the origin, age, and value of your possessions. That would be a big help.

Your heirs will no doubt have everything appraised when you’re gone - so doing it now is useful, but won’t avoid any of this cost.

In California, it seems everyone has a trust because of our estate laws. I’m not sure it is as useful in other states, but it nicely separates your assets from you, and helps continuity. Plus. when you get older, you can add your daugher as a trustee.

5

Sorry. I really wanted more to solicit others’ ways of dealing with similiar situations (which we all have, right? I mean, we’re all going to die) than go into the sturm-und-drang of my family. But briefly, my older girl has decided to cut off all contact with me when she was 15, (she’s going to be 20 this year) without explaining why she did so (I’ve offered to go into family counseling with her, listen to her thinking one-on-one, read a letter, etc. Her response? “Please stop sending me letters.”) After putting in more effort over the last five years than any of my friends thinks sensible, I’ve decided to wait for her to contact me, at which point I’ll gladly try to work things out.

Until then, though, I have a great relationship with her younger sister, who is just the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful child anyone could ever have. The two of them are very close, which makes it uncomfortable I’m sure for my younger daughter to stay close with me (I’m sure my ex- and my older daughter have made her feel uncomfortable for her choice in continuing to spend time with me.) I’m seeking to tell my younger girl that she is perfectly free to spend the money however she chooses, with no thought of how I would have thought the money should be spent. It’s hers to spend as she sees fir, and she can give all of it, or none of it, or half of it, or any part of it to her sister, and she gets my blessing in doing so. That’s all I want to reiterate in the letter. Saying nothing implies, perhaps, that I do secretly imply a path I want her to follow, and that’s not the case.

I’m not sure about the post-it notes on all my stuff, much of which is still in use. My parents’ fine china, for example, is in pretty regular use. I’d like to tell her in the letter which stuff is valuable china and which is not, and whom it belonged to. She can give it away, but I’d like her to know that she’s giving away her grandma’s rather expensive china. I’m not sure that an appraisal in 2006 is going to mean much in 2028, which is when I’m likely to go, and I sure don’t feel like appraising all my stuff every few years.

Also things like what I have in storage, and where the keys are.

The password to my computer.

A heads up on my porn stash.

Have any of you ever gotten such a letter when a relative died? Has anyone ever written one for your own heirs?

6

I’m in a somewhat similar position, so i’m also interested in the responses.
As to your books and other valuable items, they should be appraised for insurance purposes. Homeowner’s policies commonly limit certain items, such as: jewelry, collectables, antiques, works of art, etc., to a maximum, unless you’ve listed them and had them appraised. You should give your insurance agent a call.
I had a loss, due to a burglary, a few years ago and I discovered that my jewelry loss was limited to $1000.00, that was only enough to cover one wrist watch.

7

My mother is documenting pretty much everything of possible sentimental value in her house, using digital pictures of the objects (she also took pictures of everything she could find that had belonged to my grandmother, and sat down with her to figure out what all of it was and where it came from). She hasn’t put it with her will - she’s just letting me know that she’s done it, and it’s on her computer. I’ll find it if I ever need to. You could just let your brother and your daughter(s) know where to look when the time comes. Even if they just know that it exists, I expect they will search it out.

Advice on the mechanics of how to deal with / distribute your stuff are appropriately addressed to the executor, who will be responsible for distributing it. If you’re leaving everything to your daughter anyway, you might want to consider an instruction that if she’s at least 18 (or any other age you choose) when you die, she is the executor; otherwise it’s your brother. You can ask your lawyer about it if the idea appeals to you.

I don’t know where you are, but in MA and WA, a divorce normally automatically voids any bequests to the ex-spouse, and I think this is common in other states, as well. It’s still a good idea to have a will, of course, but your ex-wife might not get everything even if you hadn’t made a new will.

8

My opinion is that getting an appraisal is rather pointless at leat for the purposes that you would want to use it for. I’ve seen some appraisals done for estate purposes and they don’t really give all that much info. I would also show her what some of the family heirlooms are so she can be prepared. Something you might want to consider is making a list of what is what. You can even do pictures, that way she is know what is what.

I would skip the letter altogether at least for estate purposes. If she gets the money, she will do with it whatever she wants anyhow so don’t bother worrying about it. At this point however, you should be someone to be the guardian/conservator for any funds until she becomes 18. It will be a pain in the ass for her otherwise. You may want to look into making some of your bank accounts TOD or POD to her. Depending on your jurisdiction that may help you avoid probate taxes. Depending on your net worth, a revocable living trust might be the best solution. They aren’t that expensive to do and they may save her a bit of money in probate taxes depending on your jurisdiction.

The best thing to do would be for you to weed out “the mountain of crap” as you call it. If you have a lot of junk that is taking up space and isn’t worth anything either financially or sentimentally you should get rid of it. Nothing is worse than in the aftermath of the death of a loved one, having to spend weeks sorting through their stuff and getting rid of the junk. Of course, I realize that this is easier said than done. I am trying to do this with my own life and it isn’t easy.

9

I suggest you set aside money in your will for an appraisal. That way, your heirs won’t have to pay inheritance tax before paying for the appraisal. Something along the lines of, ‘Over my lifetime I have collected a large number of books, some of which may be of considerable value. I instruct my executors to have my library professionally valued.’

10

I’m not sure I see what difference that makes. By inheritance tax, I assume that you mean the probate value of the estate. In VA, what happens is that the executor or administrator has to file an Inventory within 4 months with a value for everything (w/in reason). If for whatever reason, they discover that the values have changed they should amend the inventory or they should make an ajustment reflecting the change in value in the First Account. In any case, you would have to pay a probate tax upon qualifying as the Executor.

11

The point is that past a certain point, here in the U.K., and I assume something similar in the U.S., Inheritance Tax kicks in. Here in the U.K., it’s 40%. So, if the funds can be spent before deduction of IHT, then there’s a considerable saving to be made by spending the money Gross rather than Net.

12

Ah, gotcha, it is a bit different. Here it works out to an estate of $1.5 million is subject to the Federal Estate tax. It is being raised or may have been raised to $2 million. However, the state of New York may subject the estate to taxes as well.

13

IAAL, but I’m not yours, so don’t take this as genuine legal advice, n’kay? N’kay.

One thing that bugs me about the letter as you describe it is the bit about “reasons why I left money to A but not to B.” There is such a thing as “testamentary libel”, and someone who feels that you publicly humiliated them beyond the grave may have a cause of action against your estate, resulting in the person getting money you didn’t intend for them to receive. If you want to cut someone out because he’s a dick, just cut him out, and don’t explain why.

Also: your will may be contested, so plan for it. Even if you want to cut someone out entirely, the best thing to do may be to give them a small testamentary gift, then include a “no contest” clause in the will, stating that anyone contesting the will forfeits their share. If you don’t leave Jerk A anything at all, they have nothing to lose by contesting the will. If they have a little something to lose, they’ll at least consider it more carefully.

14

Like others here I’m not a lawyer, but I was told this by the lawyer who dealt with my will:

If you write a seperate letter, unsure that it is clearly labelled as seperate, eg: has at the top a sentence to the effect of “This letter does form any part of the my will and should not be used for any purposes related to the will”.

If you do not do that, it could affect the will. Many people have amendments to their will wills, sometimes additional notes that are badly drefted - you don’t want anyone thinking you have made an amendment.

Wills (in the UK at least) are public documents, so you don’t want the public reading your private letters.

Also, if you write something like: “I am not leaving money to X because she is is Y” then if X proves that she is no longer Y, she may contend she is entitled to the money.

This area is so fraught with danger I’d always leave it to the lawyers advice.

15

I concur. My mother passed away in late 2004. In her will, she specified something along the lines of “personal property shall be divided per a writing that I will attach separately”. She had a separate 3-4 page document, listing specific personal items (including some jewelry) that she had signed on the last page. One of my siblings, who was left nothing per that document except a family portrait, raised holy hell, threatened to take things to formal probate, etc. because he felt he’d been given short shrift. His nominal grounds were “She didn’t sign every single page so the whole addendum is void but I’ll agree to honor it as long as you give me every single other personal item that might be valuable”. It all came to nothing, eventually (the goods were distributed per my mother’s instructions) but it opened up the possibility of a drawn-out process.

I’d definitely run anything you may choose to write by the lawyer. There would presumably be no issues with a document discussing the sources of various items and their sentimental meaning. There might be an issue with “This is why I left it to you and not your sister”. The lawyer should have some good ideas on how to document your reasons, that might be usable should your older daughter attempt to sue to have the will set aside. Basically there should be some way of having a document brought up in court along the lines of “xxx has stated and reiterated on numerous occasions that she wishes nothing whatsoever from me”.

16

Here’s what I’ve been told, by two different lawyers, while preparing, or rewriting,
my will. These incidents occurred several years apart, but the advice was similar. If
you intend to omit someone who would normally be considered to have an interest in
your estate, then you should mention that person as being specifically excluded. For
example: if you had three siblings and chose to exclude one and divide your
estate between to other two, then you should acknowledge that the third one is excluded.
I recall asking if I should state the reason and was told that it wasn’t necessary.

17

I’m assuming you mean “This letter does not form…”

IANAL etc. but before including any sort of separate letter ask your lawyer about it. Wisconsin has a specific statutory provision regarding letters written for the purpose of gifting property upon death and how it relates to a will.