Dry orange, how I loathe thee

Bulbous and orange,
I chose thee from amongst a stock
of your proven brethren.

Riding high on anticipation
and low in blood sugar
I eagerly and deftly peeled you in one swath.

your delicate undergarments fell away.

Your purses of pulpy presence present
themselves, linked side by side.

I accept your offer.

But alas, you are nothing but a crappy dry orange.

Dry oranges bite.

Apparently, you have to go for maximum weight to achieve maximum juicyness.

I just ate an orange that was mighty juicy.

But it was the kind when you split the orange, it just disintigrates and doesn’t separate nicely into sections.

So I have to take bites out of the darned thing as juice runs everywhere. Messy.

But good, unlike dry oranges which totally blow.

scout, my kingdom for a juicy orange. I packed my lunch today, and I gave today’s orange a good talking to. I’m a little nervous - there’s a spot of green on it, plus it’s riding the coat tails of its traitorous brother. I don’t get it. I bought a bunch of navel oranges two weeks ago, and they were incredible. This batch must be canadian or something.

El bumpo.

Just had a dang dry orange. Why can’t you tell by the outside? I have noticed that if the orange feels loose within its skin, it’s usually juicy.

I threw it away and had a deliciously crunchy, sweet-sour Granny Smiff instead.

I said Smiff and I meant the sheeyit.

Why does that happen? It just the worst betrayal in the world!

Sadly, the loose-within-their-skin oranges are few and far between.

Anyone ever had an Ugli fruit? I would call it the answer to juicy tangy orange lovers prayers. Deeelicious.

Check out the Ugli fruit!

Wow! Didn’t expect to see this baby bumped.

Canthearya, condolences.

I have to admit, I’ve had some pretty darn good oranges as of late. Went to a baseball game on Sunday, and ate one in the car. Got juice all over me on the way over.

Upon review, my poem above sucks. My verb tenses are all wrong. If I may be so bold:

Dry Orange, How I Loathe Thee (the Remix)

Bulbous and orange,
I choose you from amongst a stock
of your proven brethren.

Riding high on anticipation,
and low in blood sugar,
I eagerly and deftly peel you in one swath.

your delicate undergarments fall away.

Your purses of pulpy presence present
themselves, linked, side by side.

I accept your offer.

But alas, you are nothing but a crappy dry orange.

So much better, El Muncho.

Ever had an Ugli fruit?

A blast from the past! Now I know what I had for a snack about a month and a half ago…

Boy, this makes me feel marginalized, because (get ready for it) I really LIKE dry oranges. There’s something about the texture thatjust delights me. I guess I’m a freak.

Don’t guess anymore.

I am confirming it for you.

Has anyone ever had dried orange rinds? I used to like habing them when I was a kid. For some reason, I don’t have them much anymore. They’re really good, seriously.


Er… make that “…having them…” in the above post.


Never hab them before, Flamsterettebaby.

Dey gud?


capy, are you some sort of alien?

Ok, a phenomenological defense of the joy of eating dry oranges; a Geertzian deep-reading:

When one eats an orange one of the most enjoyable characteristics of the fruit is the presence of those small cells, semi-independent bits within each wedge-like section that can be torn away from each other-- some of the pleasure of an orange, if one really takes the time to studiously eat it, is picking these little bits apart from one another without bursting the membranes, which one can then break down at will with a satisfying ‘pop’, squishing the pieces between the teeth or teeth and tongue. In fact, I like to use my teeth to first remove the waxy thick membrane that envelops the two large sides of each wedge-shaped section so that I can really reduce the interior to little bits in this manner. A dry orange removes a lot of the liquidy, confounding loose matter from this procedure, leaving one with a very clean and clearly understood textural experience. I also like the experience of peeling an orange with a loose peel in huge hunks-- there’s something really satisfying and rewarding about that.

This probably doesn’t convince anyone, though. Bastards. You all probably like really ripe, brownish bananas, too, instead of the nice greenish-yellow tart ones.

Nope. Not convincing at all. Sounds like eating drywall.

But we love you anyway. (Or at least pretend to when you’re around.)

Next time, go with the peach.
::laps greedily at the peach river trickling down her forearm::

LolaCocacola, I dearly love juicy peaches as well. But I can only get them in the summertime, at local farmer’s markets. Whenever I buy them in a supermarket, I can always count on having one side rotten and the other side hard as a rock, no matter how careful I am to rotate them and ripen them equally. Am I doomed to substandard peaches out of season?