Dubious Baby Milestones

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I am making a baby shower gift for a friend, it’s based on those baby memory books, but it is meant to record “Dubious Baby Milestones.”

Please give me some of your dubious baby (or toddler) milestones. I’m looking for things that are fairly common and that most parents would be able to relate to.

Some examples of what I have so far:

  • first time baby eats cat kibble out of the cat’s dish

  • first time toddler figures out how to open the childproof latches on your kitchen cabinets

  • first time you dig around in baby’s piggy bank with a butter knife because you ordered pizza and, due to lack of sleep, didn’t realize you were short on cash

2
  • First time you forget where you put the baby.
  • Baby’s first bite of food after the “five-second rule.”
  • First diaper change in the trunk of a car.
  • First time baby is called by pet’s name.
3

First time the baby eats soil or sand, and loves it.

First time the toddler learns to slip their arms out of the baby-seat in the car.

First time the toddler learns how to lock the door…with you on the outside.

4

  • First time toddler discovers lipstick and applies it. All over. Face. Arms. Stomach. Legs. Hair.

  • First time 2 year old decides to make something with the full bag of flour you left within reach on the counter while you left the kitchen to answer the front door.

5

First time your toddler repeats a swear word.

6

First time Baby falls off bed or changing table or couch.

First stitches or Emergency room visit.

First diaper art incident. :eek:

7

First time the kid poops on dad.

First time he runs into a wall at full speed.

First time he makes you check for monsters under the bed (that was today for me).

8

First trip to the emergency room for stitches.

First item that is not a product of a bodily function flushed down the toilet.

First public temper tantrum.

First diaper-capacity-exceeding poop.

9

First time toddler grabs a knife you left on the counter

First time you laughed when your child ran into something

First epic belch

10

First time baby pees on mom/dad during the middle of a diaper change

11

I remember complaining on Facebook that none of the baby books had “puts finger up nose” on the milestone list.

Baby’s first Happy Meal was a big one for us.

12

First time you throw away artwork the toddler has drawn because they’ve made so many of them.

13

First projectile vomiting.
First projectile vomiting, hitting a stranger or his/her possessions.

14

First time levitating above the crib, head spinning violently while spewing vile words and sputum. Or is that just my family?

For realsies, first time removing clothing in less than appropriate surroundings.

15

First discovery that poop is good for fingerpainting with!

ETA Oops - I guess Queen Tonya said the same thing in a slightly different way.

16

Good one … also call the pet by the baby’s name.

I can’t believe that hasn’t happened to me yet.

For us, that was the same milestone that August West mentioned, laughing when your child runs into something. :smiley:

I’m still traumatized by this, because it was ME who flushed it! I was trying to multitask and put a bath toy away while flushing the toilet … and Fireman Duck fell off the shelf and is now probably still navigating the municipal sewer system.

The first time I did this, I was so sad! Now I am merciless.

17

First wall drawing
First wall drawing with a Sharpie
First lying on the ground foot pounding tantrum
First time you laughed at something the baby cried about
First time you gave him a lemon to eat
First ice cream headache

18

First time they call a complete stranger “fat” or “ugly”.

First time they pronounce “I can do it!”

19

First time they successfully hide the TV remote but can’t talk yet to tell you where it is.

20

First time your toddler tells you “NO!” back.