I just wanted to forestall the inevitable chorus of, “I want paragraphs, wah.” I had no problems reading the OP because I’m just that special.
Personally, I would have stopped at the pets issue. I don’t currently have dogs, but I do have cats. If I were single, I’d only date guys who actually LIKE cats. Not guys who are willing to tolerate them, but men who like them. It’s not that I believe that people who like cats are superior to those who hate them, it’s just that cats are part of my life, and I’m not going to give up cats for any man.
I would have been suspicious about him insisting on a phone number, but the pets issue would be the dealbreaker. So I’d never even get to the rest of the red flags.
I don’t understand why guys like this (with outdated/inaccurate notions of what is generally acceptable in the dating world in America) don’t date within their own community/religion. I mean, this isn’t just a simple misunderstanding or disagreement. This guy is positively medieval.
Reminds me of an Indian guy my mom went on a date with (then actively avoided him for the next several weeks). He pursued her for *weeks *after they had only been on one date! He hid the red flags a bit better than the creep in the OP, but he was still medieval. Like his long-term plans for my mom (already formed on the first date) would be for her to quit her job, move in with his multi-generational family, be subservient to his mother, and serve him. :dubious: :mad:
Do people like this somehow not realize how atypical their demands are, and how incompatible they are with the average American woman in this decade? Or do they simply prey on women willy-nilly, hoping to pound a weak one into submission someday?
I’m friends with a girl who is your stereotypical “fantasy girl”. She looks like she just popped out of the pages of a publication of questionable moral turpitude, and is a hard-partying, fun-loving gal.
She’s also been trying for quite some time to find “the one”. Now, just between the thread and me, it seems obvious…“does she really expect to meet her perfect guy while partying in bars all the time”? Well, yeah, actually she does…simply because someone who likes partying in bars would be part of being “the one” for her. That’s what she wants, and ok, that makes sense, get down with your badass self.
Trouble is, she seems to be in a never-ending cycle of “meet a guy at the bar, decide there might be something there, go on one date with guy, guy becomes psychotic ‘oh my god you’re the one for me I need you and love you and won’t rest until I have you now now now now now!!’” Sorry dude, a relationship is what she’s looking for, not a stalker. She’s very protective of her personal life, which has lead to a lot of freakouts. For some strange reason, many guys don’t realize that if you’ve gone out on one date with a girl, screaming at her because she won’t give you her home address might not be the best way to get a second date.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is, geez guys, lighten the fuck up when you’re trying to date someone.
Don’t blame the victim.
In the middle of it, it can be harder to see where the line should be drawn. You don’t want to misinterpret one single thing…or be cruel…or blow something out of proportion. Flags that are obviously red in the full light of day don’t always look red in emails or phone calls or even one on one conversations with someone you barely know. And the assumption is that people are decent and rational and respect you, or you end up living afraid of men.
Some men think that all women want to be traditional women, if they ever meet a traditional man. Or they think that they are such studs that any woman would be glad to give up her own identity to serve him (and his mother, possibly).
To be fair, some women seem to think that any man would be delighted to keep her in a penthouse, where she would have a maid and cook, and her only chores would be dressing stylishly and being arm candy.
Seriously, though, I don’t know why these guys expect that women outside of their own religion/culture would act like a woman who was raised in that religion.
I don’t think it’s blaming the victim to suggest that when someone you don’t even know stomps all over reasonable boundaries, you end your association with them.
I wonder if it’s because they think they have the right answer, and any girl would be lucky to be converted by them. It’s not unheard-of for religious people to think that.
You would think after the first 23 girls they scare away, they would learn that their approach is faulty. The Indian guy after my mom was in his late forties, and had never been married (but not for lack of trying).
I wouldn’t call it blame, but rather damn good advice. Fear of doing the things you listed has allowed millions of abusive relationships to kindle when they could have been cut off before the hooks were laid in.
Especially with total strangers! There’s no emotional investment, and therefore no reason for tolerance of any flags- red, yellow, or even slightly yellowish green.
The OP shouldn’t feel bad, just more wary.
Well, if you’re right, it’s everyone else’s fault for being wrong. 
Cause he’s got the jungle fever! 
Uh-oh.
Dammit!
I don’t need a cook, so that makes it ok, right?
Coming across a man like that can happen to anyone. Years ago I was working in a cannery, and had a co-worker who seemed like an OK person, he just worked along side me, like many other workers, and I never got the impression that he had given much thought to me as an individual.
He was from another culture, but from a large city, and he was also a student, so I assumed that he was more open minded then many men from his country are generally known to be.
Until one day, during my break, I crossed the street to get a soft serve ice cream from the town bar, which was the only place, within walking distance that sold this ice cream. I came back to the break room, and saw that he was looking at me with anger, so I asked him what was wrong. He said, with disgust, that he had seen me go into the bar, and never realized until then, what kind of woman I was. He was totally miffed at me for no reason, as he did not know me at all.
And what was worse, is that I started trying to explain to him that I did not drink or go to bars, but only wanted an ice cream.
Finally it sunk in that I did not have to explain myself, or make any excuses to this co-worker. And that he was overstepping appropriate boundaries between co-workers, for some weird reason, which was probably that he was an obsessive and sexist control freak.
In some Asian countries and cultures (and India is one of the most notorious), they’ve been aborting a lot of pregnancies if the fetus is female, and they’ve been doing this for some time now. Before it was possible to determine whether or not the pregnancy was of a female infant, the baby girls were either killed outright or neglected until they died, and in fact female infanticide is still practiced.
Of course, this leads to a shortage of potential brides in a couple of decades, so one would think that women would have higher status by now. But they don’t. At any rate, it’s quite common for Indian men to be in their late 40s, and desperate to get married and start a family. As long as that family consists of mostly sons.
Doing a search on “missing girls in india infanticide feticide” turns up quite a few informative sites.
Advice after the fact isn’t exactly advice, its blame. Are the signs there for an abusive situation?, you bet - but she didn’t let it get that far.
I’ve never lived in Europe. I’m not Muslim. I ask questions. I like dogs, have one in fact, though I don’t let him sleep with me; mainly because I also like feather pillows…intact feather pillows!
Umm…so…what’s your phone number?
Hey, someone had to do it! 
I read all of that OP and I’ve come to the startling conlusion that…
…James Joyce is Not dead! If that paragraph had been but 3 pages longer, I just know we would have found out that not only has he lived in Europe and that he speaks multiple languages, but that he likes to sleep head-to-foot.
sahirrnee, I hope this teaches you to pull the plug sooner.
Creeps can come from all races and religions, although I guess in some cultures “stalking” is more acceptable. So he’d probably be a creep to Muslim chicks too. shudder
Some people from other cultures have a stereotypical view of western women. They figure they’re easy for the taking so they pursue them. Dating a woman from their culture would involve families and chaperones and no premarital making out. Western women are a lot more fun.
The problem is that while they’re attracted to western women, as soon as they become interested in a particular woman they become possessive and traditional. They don’t want her doing all of the things that attracted their attention in the first place.