Religious women, leave me the fuck alone, please.

In my recent internet dating, I’ve gone on a spate of first-dates (usually a nominal cup of coffee, typically a little more than that–appetizer, a little dessert) with women who reveal their religious mania during the course of our date, which of course is for me (literally and figuratively) “Check, please” time.

Can these women not read? I’m usually up-front in my self-description, always checking off “Non-religious,” “Don’t believe,” “Atheist” or whatever is the most extreme option, but I’ve been going out with the women who self describe as anything besides “devout [whatever]” on the grounds that until I talk to her, she may be a Catholic who thinks the Pope is big dummy, or a Jew who loves shrimp salad, which is fine with me, though not ideal. IOW, I don’t need a hardcore atheist–or do I?

Do I need to be even more obnoxious than I already am, and rant a little bit about my extreme views? That seems foolish, to devote more than half my wordage to my (lack of) religious views, but maybe I need to scare these religious ladies off more ferociously than I’ve been doing. Or do I need to screen more carefully, and reject categorically anyone who has any religious views whatever?

On Good Friday, I went out with a nice woman who described herself blandly as “Catholic,” which in Brooklyn could mean almost anything, and learned that she went to Mass every Sunday, wanted a guy who would accompany her in body and spirit to her church, whose family was even more religious than she was, who felt guilty over her sometimes lack of fervour for Jesus Christ, and I wanted to say “And what exactly made you think that someone who self-describes as ‘non-religious’ is going to make a good boyfriend/husband for you?”

I once dated a woman who revealed to me, three months into dating, that she wanted me to meet her priest to discuss converting to Christianity, this after asking her (on our first date) if she had a problem with dating an atheist, and got a laughing, “No, no, of course not, live and let live.” Talk about your utter wastes of time.

Nearly all the girls I’ve dated have been religious in one way or another. A few have even been what you could describe as “devout,” but it’s never really interfered with our relationships. They’ll say they’re Lutheran or Mormon or this or that, but in the end there’s plenty of premarital sex, sodomy and general decadence. I guess I corrupt them. :rolleyes:

This made me laugh. How awkward that must’ve been. I’ve had girls try to gently push me towards Christianity but none of them were so open as to their intentions.

I wish you luck in finding the atheist or non-practicing Christian/Muslim/Pagan, etc of your dreams.


You could always advertise for a Devil-worshipper. Less of the old ‘Get thee behind me, Satan’ and more ‘come on in, buddy, and grab a cup of coffee’.

The sex with the woman who tried to get me to convert was pretty awful sex, all full of guilt and misgivings on her part. In fact, that’s how the subject of talking to her priest was broached, with her telling me that she had to confess to having pre-maritial sex every week, and him asking if I could come in and talk to him about her “problem” (ie, getting laid.)

it’s a tricky line, being upfront about my views, which basically are “If you shut up about it, you can believe whatever you want to, and so can I”–but that policy now seems to me somewhat passive, allowing them to think that I’ll be tolerant of more than just thinking. The woman I took out last friday, for example, explained to me that of course she knew in her heart that jesus Christ was the saviour of mankind, and so felt terrible whenever she doubted that for a split-second. I don’t think it occurred to her that I might be thinking “Well, of course, not everyone accepts your premise, and a better response to doubt might be to explore that doubt more deeply.” But that would be the mildest sort of atheist proselytizing, and who wants that thankless job? So I kept my silence, but now I’m thinkng I need to speak up sooner, and more adamantly, on this subject, if only to spare myself minutes and maybe months of being with a totally wrong person for me.

Stick to hardcore atheists, I’d say. You’d have a shared hobby that way, as well as her not wasting time trying to drag you along to church. Even the mildest believer is probably going to have some absurd urge to attend divine service once in a while, and may well think it would be nice if her S.O. came along. If that’s what you define as “religious mania”, you’d do well to head that off before the first date.

Yeah, it was for me too. Nothing against their beliefs, but I was never really that devout, and sooner or later it would interfere with our relationship. Also, the I-put-out factor for those women tends to be below the mean. (Hey, whaddya want? I was in my early 20’s.)

Nahhh, the only hardcore thing you really need or want in a relationship is rough, nasty sex–unless you’re into bungee jumping. Or hang gliding. Or bungee jumping from a hang glider while having rough, nasty sex (you fucking weirdo). I’m sure if you keep trying you’ll run into one of those women you mentioned. Mrs. Fresh is a believer, but she doesn’t go to church, and she’s hell and gone from devout. While religion comes up in the conversation, actual belief never really does.

Personally, I don’t think I’d want to date a fervent atheist. I’d prefer a woman who devoted her passion to her art or her hobbies or the aforementioned sex. Militancy turns me off. It smacks of . . . militancy.

No and no and no. Control the situation; don’t let the situation control you. Most women are turned off by obnoxiousness in any form, and you want to stay the fuck away from the ones who aren’t. I got hitched before Internet dating took off, so I’m no expert, but it seems to me that including anything pissy–or, Dog help you, scary–in your description will keep away women you might like, not just the holy rollers, while leaving you with women who will make you pine for the Miss Godfull MacBoilabunny’s you’ve been seeing.

Look, I know it’s frustrating. I can understand why you’re pissed off. Most of us–guys and girls–have been right where you are now. Just remember that dating is a numbers game. You must know that there are plenty of nice women who are religious without being weird about it or atheists without being nudges about it. Keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll find them.

I guess I’m a horrible person. I’ve had girls voice their feelings on this and I never particularly cared. I told them I thought what they believed was silly and that I’d continue doing as I pleased and so should they. Haven’t had a bad reaction to that approach yet.

I don’t know what’s causing you in particular to run into all these zealous women. Like I said, I’ve dated plenty of religious girls but they’ve never done more than gentle nudging, which I ignored.

Bad luck, I think. I never ran into them particularly until the last few years, and I’ve been in relationships (with non-religious women) most of that time, so it’s only a handful but I wish they’d fuck off, and stop lying to themselves (and to me) about their open-mindedness.

Are you finding that you’re finding most of these girls on any particular dating site? Maybe that site is a nest of such women.

Next time one starts in on you with that nonsense, ask her if there is a god. If she says yes, ask her to provide proof of the existence of a god of any kind. Tell her that when she can, there will be a second date.

Given that he said he’s been getting caught with a bunch of these women, I think giving ultimatums like that will just prevent him from ever going on dates.

Give it a shot - nothing’s impossible.
Kidding. I suggest getting a Darwin fish lapel pin, or just be even more specific in your description, adding words like “hardcore” and “humorless” to “atheist”.

Moved from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share with no offense intended to the OP.
Pit Moderator

You can’t take **Clothy **seriously–he’s just pulling my leg. But I can screen better for signs of religious mania, and i need to.

Nonsense. Tell her you’ll untie her. :stuck_out_tongue:

I don’t know that there’s anything you can do to ward of the proselytizers completely. I think a lot of them see a professed lack of religious belief as a minor flaw which they can fix – or even worse, as a challenge. I think it’s possible you’ve been a little too passive about making your own position very clear for fear of sounding obnoxious. In my single days (which predated the internet), I never worried about it. I was happily upfront, if the subject came up, that I didn’t have the slightest belief and never would. I wouldn’t try to talk them out of anything, but I made it clear that I wasn’t a candidate for conversion.

I think that a lot of them don’t really grasp that you mean it when you say you’e an atheist. They just think that you’re being ornery, that you don’t like going to church, that maybe you don’t know anything about religion, etc. They think it’s something they can “clean up,” the way they think they’ll get you to cut off your goatee and wear different shirts. I got them to back off (one way or the other), once it was clear to them that my lack of religious belief was genuine, considered and non amenable to change. Some of them tried to debate me (including my wife when we were first dating) but quickly discovered they were in over their heads.

My wife and I eventually agreed to just let it drop. I wouldn’t bother her, she wouldn’t bother me, and that’s worked out fine for 20 year, but she was never super devout in the first place, and doesn’t think I need to be a believer to go to Heaven.

Another woman, before I met my wife, told me I should leave my band and play my guitar “for the Lord.” I never called her again.

Thus missing your chance to be Mister Tammy Wynette.

And now you know the rest of the story…

You are making the same mistake the women you are dating are making (wow- three “are”'s- Do I get fined or something?), so I’m not sure why you are blaming just them.

You date someone who says she’s a Catholic because you don’t know ‘how Catholic’ she is.

She (they) are dating a non-theist because they don’t know ‘how non-theist’ you are.

And you both wonder if the other can be converted.

Isn’t that what dating is all about- finding out about the other person?!

Given the thread title:

Religious woman, get away from me
Religious woman, mama let me be
Don’t come knocking around my door
I don’t want ya to witness to me no more
You sure know how to theologize
But I don’t believe me none of those lies
Now woman, get away
Religious woman, listen what I say

Uh huh.

There aren’t scales of atheist. You’re either an atheist or you’re not.

He doesn’t seem interested in converting these women at all.