Similar to caulk, the Five Guys burger chain has created the real risk that people, on a not infrequent basis, are exclaiming to their coworkers
“I could really go for 5 Guys today.”
“Well, you know what they say about assume, it makes an ass out of u and me.”
I haven’t used that word aloud since my boss said it to me decades ago.
I’m guessing I first heard the “assume” phrase 39 years ago. I never repeated it but I did hear it a few times.
I think I first heard it in an episode of the old Odd Couple TV series…it ran from 1970 through 1975. So, that was over 40 years ago.
A couple years ago there was a commercial featuring a camel roaming thru a typical office, presumable on a Wednesday, exclaiming to everyone “…what day is it? WHAT. DAY. IS. IT??” and of course for a while people (including me) were parroting that and “Hump-DAY!!” and “…mike mike mike mike mike…” The spot hasn’t been shown in a while ao I don’t hear it as much any more.
In 1994, Republicans introduced the Contract With America, a set of legislative goals they were promising to enact if they won the majority in the House of Representatives. Of course, the Democrats wittily labeled it the Contract On America.
Over and over and over.
As the OP said, this thread was inspired by that one.
This is really wise. Drives me nuts, and not just here on the 'Dope.
I am totally stealing this one. And applying it to Thanksgiving too.
I’ve recently met an Ariel and a Leia. Both of the expected age.
Back around 2000 when I was 40-ish I used to work in rotating three-man teams. I was always the middle guy, so the lead was usually 5-10 years older and the 3rd was younger, sometimes much younger. One time by luck the lead was Dick and the 3rd was Dan. At the end of the workday I said “Say good night Dick” to which he instantly replied “Good night Dick” and we both started laughing like mad. Some more “Dick and Dan” banter ensued. Young Dan was utterly baffled. Even after we explained it to him. He was 15+ years too young for that silliness.
I’ve told this story before, but as a teen I worked for a man named “Ronald McDonald”. He was in elementary school when the clown was invented. Not an easy life for him.
That’s about the whole story. Collectively we (humanity) are idiots. Insensitive idiots. But proudly insensitive idiots.
Now that is how to make a tired joke fresh. Well done Good Sir.
If one must do tired jokes, at least freshen them up a bit. Like quickly microwaved week-old bread or perfume on a pig, it makes everything so much better.
That’s what she said! 
“Nightmares are dreams too”
“I slept like a baby - awake and crying every few hours.”
Thanksgiving never falls on Sunday.
Today I was texting a friend about being sick and added, “Tis the season.”
That seemed pretty lame.
I was walking around Midtown Manhattan a few years ago and someone asked me how to get to Carnegie Hall from there.
So of course my first answer was “practice!”
I then told them it was a few blocks away on 57th and Seventh Ave.
I don’t think anyone could have passed that up.
I’m hung like a baby - six pounds, eight ounces.
The other day in a cheapo schlock store I saw a corny “funny” sign you could buy and hang in your home if you were that sort of person.
I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Touché young mother; touché.
I know I would have found it irresistible.
It reminds me of something that happened many years back. My wife and I were driving down a back road. It’s in the suburbs of Philly, so not rural, but some people did raise chickens as a hobby. And sure enough, up the road ahead of us we see a few chickens crossing the road.
Well, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for a city boy like me, and somebody has to be the straight man, so I immediately ask her, “Say, why do you think those chickens are crossing the road?”
Her reply: “I think they live over there.”
I still give her shit over that.
Well they got bored at the playground they’ve been at: they’re going to the other slide.
My favorite was when I threw a Dad joke out and my kid topped me:
Bath time with … four or five year old I think, and older brother sharing tub.
Older one noticed a fly in the water and ew what’s that doing there?
Of course automatic dumb obvious joke: looks like the backstroke to me.
Younger brother not missing a beat: no daddy, flea style! I’m not sure if he was more proud of himself than I was of him!
Points!
Ahhh, me as well. Felix was in a courtroom or something like that.