Yeah, and he writes it on a white board?
Here it is. This scene is the first time I saw it too, and I assumed (heh heh) that the joke had been written for the show. I wonder if it existed before this show.
I don’t know how dumb or obvious it was, but when I was at dinner in a Greek restaurant with a large group years ago, two of us made the same joke: the waiter said the special was arni fournou, and I and another guest both uttered at the same time “I went to school with an Arnie Fornu!”
A blackboard, not a white board. It was that long ago!
Bonus points are awarded if one can preempt with Brian’s comment to Peter in Family Guy, “If you say, ‘That’s what she said’ one more time, I will beat you to death with this stick.”
My boss’ name is Dave.
People commenting on food, particularly in a very racist manner:
- Is that dog food? Hur hur. (Indian food)
- Notice you don’t see many cats around? Hur hur (just about any SE Asian food)
“Hey, can you give me a hand?” They start clapping.
I’m a bandleader for a few bands. Og forbid you pay the players before the show. “Great! We can leave now?”
har har
In my circles, the go-to “Francis” joke would be a Deadpool reference rather than Stripes, but I barely know anyone named Francis so I don’t hear it all that often.
(ordering in a restaurant)
“And can I also get a Coke?”
“Is Pepsi okay?”
“Sure. Can I pay with Monopoly money?”
I’m pretty sure that we’d cut food service burnout by at least 18% if more restaurants would just freaking contract with the Coca-Cola company.
This is maybe coming at it from the other direction, but…early in my first year of Welsh class, we were doing basic translations “Do you like…?” and as we went around the room, the teacher, who was a very nice guy if a little (or very) old-fashioned, snuck in the archaic British joke “Do you like Kipling?” Rather than fall for it (“Dach chi’n hoffi Kipling?”) I deadpanned “I don’t know, I’ve never kippled.” He slapped the table in astonishment (“You’re the first in twenty years of this class!”), and everyone else looked at me, baffled, save my girlfriend, who shook her head in comedic disgust, to which I replied, “Honey, I am 89 years old, after all.”
Instead, I quote Samuel L. Jackson from The Long Kiss Goodnight: “When you make an assumption, you make an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘mption’.”
I almost feel dumb and obvious for mentioning this one:
When a waiter greets a customer, “Good evening. I’m Joe and I’ll be your server tonight”, and the customer replies, “Hi Joe! I’m Bob, and I’ll be your customer tonight!”
I rarely if ever make these kinds of jokes. Someone will inadvertently say the first word of a song lyric or movie line, and no matter how familiar, if I finish it I’ll be met with a blank stare.
So this sort of humor will be internalized, like once a week as I roll the bin to the curb.
You make an ass out of the ump, and he will shun you!
When a long, foreign-sounding name comes up in conversation:
“Bollimunta Sivaramakrishna? Of the Kennebunkport Sivaramakrishnas?”
Similarly, the Skyline Chili restaurant chain, which primarily serves a chili-like sauce over spaghetti noodles, has different options called a ‘three-way’ (with shredded cheese and diced onion topping added to the sauce) and a ‘four-way’ (with beans, I think, in addition to the cheese and onions).
They are primarily in Ohio, not my home state of Michigan, so I stopped at one on a drive back from Florida. Hearing an older gentleman telling his waitress ‘l’d like a three-way’ for the first time was something I had a difficult time not snickering at.
I once read something from Groucho Marx. He was at a restaurant and asked the waiter, “Do you have frogs’ legs?”
“We don’t,” replied the waiter.
“No” corrected Marx. “You’re supposed to say, ‘No, it’s the arthritis that makes me walk funny.”
Also:
“Will you call me an Uber?”
“Okay. You’re an Uber.”
I’m so sorry about your dad, he was a good sultan.
That last one goes back at least to the 1950’s (and I suspect, much further back than that). I read it in a collection of jokes and stories by Bennett Cerf. He reported it as a story that happened in the early 19th c., when an ambassador to the Court of Saint James mistook the American ambassador for a servant (at the time, American diplomats eschewed court dress as inappropriate to the stern simplicity of a republic), and asked the American to call him a cab. “Certainly, sir”, the American responded, “You are a cab, sir. I’m grateful you didn’t ask me to call you a hansom cab.”