Hi, do you speak Dutch? That’s what I believe the language is in this comment left on a YouTube video of mine:
“als ik nu bij jouw zou staan, sloeg ik je tot in armanië”
Babel Fish* translates most of the words, but I can’t get past the syntax to understand what the hell it means, plus the last word, armanië, isn’t translated.
The guy is from Belgium, if that helps.
Thanks.
*: Babel Fish translation: “if I would stand now at your, I you beat to in armanie”
Armenia.
“If I were you, I’d hurry back to Armenia.” ???
or,
“If I were standing next to you, I’d knock you into Armenia.” ???
or,
“If I stood with you now, I’d beat you into Armenia.” ???
I don’t know for sure and I must admit my translations really don’t make sense. Just thought I’d take a crack at it since the native Dutch-speakers hadn’t arrived yet.
On edit: my Dutch is really quite bad. Sorry.
Dutch as a poor nth language, here: Loosely, in American syntax, If I were near you right now, I’d pound you into Armenia. Unless I’m missing an idiom. Sounds like you pissed someone off.
Good lord, man! What was the YouTube video of?!
I play an online game with an extensive European contingent so I went ahead and posted the OP on their forum. Answer is below and they managed to get the idiom sorted.
Native Dutch here. This is Dutch
There’s two errors here. First of all, ‘jouw’ means your, not you (object) - you as an object is ‘jou’, which is pronounced like ‘jouw’ but is not the same. A common but silly mistake to make. Also, I’m guessing that what is meant is Armenia, which is Armenië in Dutch. So that’s probably wrong as well, unless some überwitty reference to Armani is being made.
So it is something like ‘I’d slap you back to Africa’, but there’s no specific Armenia-related idiom in Dutch, so the Armenia reference is not supposed to symbolize something more general that I know of - it’s not a metaphore of anything. Maybe it’s Belgian.
Thanks everybody, especially Švejk. For the record, I copied and pasted the text, so any errors are his. I guess the web is deteriorating grammar in other languages, too.
Since I’ve got you here, would someone translate a response? I’d like to say, “Is this an insult? What did I do that makes you want to hit me? I’m sure Armenia is a lovely country, but I would prefer you knock me someplace like Tahiti.”
Jayjay, and anyone else who is interested, the video is simply animated text to “Bruce’s Philosophers Song” from the Monty Python sketch, “Bruces.” Maybe he’s offended that Eric Idle left out Siger de Brabant when writing the song.
More likely someone who doesn’t get Python and actually considers “Noooo poofters!” to be an intended insult.
How’s about this: ‘Probeer je me te beledigen? Wat heb ik gedaan dat je me wilt slaan? Armenië is vast een schitterend land maar als je me dan toch wilt slaan, dan maar liever naar Tahiti’.
Literal translation: ‘Are you trying to insult me? What did I do that you want to hit me? Armenia is bound to be a beautiful country but if you need to hit me anyway, than rather to Tahiti’ - it is not nice English but the Dutch runs smooth as can be.
ETA: Pieter345’s profile confirms that he’s from belgium 
That’ll work great! Thanks!
A new one: “wedde da ge ne hollander zijt >.> ga wa drugs snuive hoere verkoper”
That looks even more like an insult to me, but I can’t figure the whole thing out. Let me know if I should remove it.
Thanks again. I love the Dope.
It’s a good thing I fired up my machine to see if something happened on the web since I was last on-line
More mistakes, and this time it’s written in some sort of Belgian vernacular - this in Dutch would read ‘wedden dat je een hollander bent >.> ga wat drugs snuiven hoerenverkoper’. Anyway, he’s calling you a pimp which in my book is an insult, even when he’s spot on about the source of your comment - i.e. me - being Dutch. I’ll supply you with more retorts if needs be but I would call it quits.