Yeah, this is the last season I’m going to record. What finally pushed me over the edge? Tyra Banks. I don’t care what kind of excuses or sugarcoatings you offer. She is constantly annoying. That’s the long and short of it. And that a thing I absolutely cannot brook. Despite what you may have heard, constant annoyances don’t get better over time; they get worse. If my family wants dance, dance, dance, they can VOD it on their own time. It’s not going to be an easy sell, but I don’t intend to waste any more of my life wallowing in irritations.
(Also, I’m fairly certain the judges aren’t coming back from the abyss. They’re just hard to watch at this point.)
Now then, the contestants. I mentioned before that I didn’t want to spend a lot of time talking about a contestant only to see him or her get bounced the very next episode. As we’re at the final now, I’m fairly certain that I’m safe. First off, the last two eliminatees.
Suni Lee - Yeah, this sucks. It took a while to find her groove, but she definitely looked like she lived up to her potential at the end. Even if it’s nothing but a popularity contest, I’d expect an Olympic gold medallist to have some degree of excessive popularity. Ah well.
Melora Hardin - As I mentioned in past threads, I never watched The Office, so she pretty much flew under my radar (the 1,000 MPH cruising speed certainly didn’t help). So someone kindly enlighten me: Does she NORMALLY go into incredibly long, rambling self-aggrandizing speeches at completely random times? Like, bleah. No surprise that she got bounced, as no one survives this kind of breakdown in crunch time. She seemed to have fun, at least.
And now, our finallists; in the spirit of this show, in no particular order:
Cody Rigsby - Ugh. Remember Bobby Bones? You should, because the exact same thing is happening here. He’s rough, he’s awkward, he has lousy chemistry, and it doesn’t matter a molecule because his fans go into hyperdrive every week. With the judges effectively defanged, he could run away with this. And there will be rampant misery. As usual.
Iman Shumpert - While the Cirque Du Soleil lite stuff is kinda neat, I still think that things like elegance, posture, fluidity, and y’know, the actual steps should matter in a ballroom dance competition. I don’t like it when a contestant yo-check-this-outs his way to the final (I said something similar about Kel Mitchell two seasons ago). Still, he’s accepted his limitations, listened to his pro, worked hard, and made an honest effort all season. That’s something. Dunno how much, but definitely something.
Amanda Kloots - Uh…nice hair? 
Jojo Siwa - Well. Once it got to be “two beautiful women dancing together” and not “one woman in a dumpy costume and the other in freaking drag to fit with the ridiculously forced theme”, she absolutely shined. The Sanchez Rebound came at just the right time to propel her to the finals, and she has as good a chance as anyone of winning it all.
Winner? Who the hell cares. It’s all about voters, and not even all the voters, but the ones willing to grind out text messages within an extremely specific time of the week. The DWTS champion is the best or most likable contestant in the same sense that the president of a video game company is the best or most likable employee. The real victory is the performances we got to see (whatever you were able to pick out of the top fuel dragster-level pace and the tyranny of anudda wun bi da dus). The hardware is just tradition.