If you see anything advertised as “From the makers of The Matrix” or any other “From the maker(s) of…”, it’s definitely worth checking the box to see if they mean “Some guy who worked on The Matrix is listed as the executive producer because he’s having sex with the co-star”.
“Like nothing you’ve ever seen before” is another classic tag line, which means “Even we don’t know what the hell this movie’s about. We have no clue how to market it, and no idea who’d want to watch it. But you never know, it might be worth seeing.”
Also any comedy featuring a picture of a white-haired man who looks a bit like Leslie Nielson but isn’t.
Any video that you’ve never heard of before which you see prominently displayed in a supermarket is also highly unlikely to be good. Especially if it’s from Buena Vista (From the makers of “Timon and Pumbaa go to Liechtenstein”!).
I’ll definitely second the warning to avoid movies that are advertised as being “from the people who brought you…”, especially when it’s referring to the producer or executive producer of the movie referred to. Look, folks – producers and executive producers have an important role in Hollywood. They secure funding, make sure the film gets made under budget, and make sure the film gets properly marketed. They don’t, however, actually make the film!
Yes, if the “person who brought you…” or “creative team behind…” is actually the director or writer of the film, the new film might actually be as good as the film that is being referenced. If it’s merely the producer or executive producer, however, the new film is a guaranteed stinker.
If the image of one or more of the stars on the cover art is clearly lifted from other, better known movies. Especially if it’s a cut and paste job of many name actors from other films. The best example I can think of are these DVD releases of old spaghetti westerns and b-movies starring Lee Van Cleef that use the image of him from the art for The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.
Concerning Jackie Chan and The Prisoner. Yeah it really was more of a Sammo Hung starring feature, and the whole thing rips off Cool Hand Luke, The Great Escape and even The Wild Geese but I still kind of liked it. Jackie only appeared in it as a favor to producer Jimmy Wang Yu, according to the commentary for Master Of The Flying Guilotine. Jimmy gave Jackie some of his earliest big breaks in HK films, including The Killer Meteors, an Jackie still returns the favor by sometimes appearing in some of Jimmy’s films, even some of the not so good ones.
Watch out for movies that are full of stars you instantly recognize, yet you’ve never heard of the movie. These days, if the studio isn’t committed enough to publicize the movie, it’s probably a straight-to-DVD stinker.
Avoid any video cover that proclaims “Great Movie X” meets "Great Movie Y"
As in…
“Pulp Fiction meets Monty Python” (You’re Dead)
“Carrie meets Friday the 13th” (Breakaway Camp)
“Silence Of The Lambs meets Spinal Tap” (Final Rinse)
“Enemy of the State meets Exit Wounds” (Hidden Agenda - Dolph Lundgren classic)
“Spinal Tap meets Star Trek” (Starwatchers)
Spinal Tap should be paid royalties for the number of times their name has been used to promote crap comedies.
This rule also applies to directors - just replace** “Great Movie X”** with “Great Director Z” and voila! You have a ready made video-turkey cover. Scorsese and Tarantino are two of the most over-used examples.
Oh…and any movie with the word “Hard” in the tittle should be avoided. Hard Weapon, Hard Heat, Hard Action, Hard Hard. You get the picture.
And if you see a live action movie next to it’s anime counterpart, and recognize the anime to be of the “Tentacle Rape” variety…leave it alone, you sick, sick bastard!
Well, this only applies to DVDs - but RUN LIKE CRAZY if the part they hype most on the case is the “features.” I put that in quotation marks because often these “features” are dubious.
I would be afraid if the list of “features” is only 3 or 4 items, such as:
Scene selection feature! [sub](NOTE: ANY DVD should have this. This is like touting a VHS tape as having "Fast forward capability!)[/sub]
Audio commentary! [sub](By the best boy grip and the 2nd assistant caterer)[/sub]
Trailers! [sub](Yeah, but they’re not the trailers for this movie, they’re all for straight-to-video turkeys you’ve never heard of before.[/sub]
Although there have been some notable exceptions, a good rule of thumb is to avoid any movies that star somebody who is famous for something other than being an actor (athlete, singer, model, etc.)
