So, it’s a great double feature you say?
By the time you get this far, it is too late, but I have found that most of the movies that have tons of previews at the beginning usually sucks.
Yeah… it was pretty forgettable. The standard D-Grade stuff.
If the cover of the box contains a quote from a TV station (WNBC, FOX-TV, KABC, etc), avoid at all costs.
I’ve seen “Viking Massacre”! Back when I was in college, some friends and I would race about town, looking to rent really bad movies when we scored some acid. The night we watched “Viking Massacre” and “Monster Dog” with Alice Cooper. It was a fun evening.
Add another earmark: If a film takes a common theme, which has worked perfectly well in numerous films, and tries to put a “spin” on it that’s totally unnecessary, it’s gonna suck. (“Monster Dog” had Alice Cooper turning into a giant dog. Can you say, “Werewolf? I knew you could.”)
Well, it’s important to note that most of what has been said in this thread is “general guidelines”… as opposed to “graven in stone.”
Just because Lou Diamond Phillips hasn’t made a decent movie since 1990 doesn’t mean he couldn’t get lucky.
Madonna has made a movie or two that were worth seeing. Admittedly, I can’t remember the titles just off the top of my head, but I seem to remember seeing her in something that didn’t send me screaming from the room after the first half hour.
…but durned if I can think of a damn thing Jerry Warren ever made that didn’t stink on ice.
Actually, it’s not so much that he’s not made a decent movie since 1990 (“Courage Under Fire” wasn’t that bad), but, rather, that when he’s top-billed, the result isn’t that good. (“Bats”, anyone?)
How’s his “rock” band doing, BTW?
I thought Desperately Seeking Susan wasn’t so bad. And I actually paid to see that in the theater.
That said I’d have to hear some pretty good word elsewhere to contradict most of these rules.
Well, since the days of the VHS tape are numbered, the old “large box” rule has mostly become obsolete, unless there are still some large boxes floating around the old “mom and pop” video stores. The rule was learned the hard way by me in the 80s and 90s. If the display box is large that means no newer reissue was made meaning the movie either stunk or the company that owned the film went belly up and their catalogue wan’t bought up and rereleased by someone else.
Trouble looms if the film singles out “Oscar-nominee Brad Dourif” in the description (and it’s not a copy of Cuckoo’s Nest) or features “and Brad Dourif as (fill in character name)” in the credits on the back of the box. Especially if he is the most recognizable name in the cast, drop the box and step away slowly. Nothing against the guy, he’s a good actor and he has to work and does good flicks sometimes, but when he is given the “featured” spot last in the cast list or is the biggest name in the cast and still not top billed, the movie almost always stinks.
Most movies whose focus is on kids playing sports.
Any movie that is a sequel to a movie whose focus is on kids playing sports.
“If you liked [title of popular movie], you’ll LOVE [title of lesser-known inferior knockoff]!”
Another variation on this is “Move over [name of popular character], [less popular movie character] is here!” I actually saw this used when Hellraiser was being promoted as an alternative to Nightmare on Elm Street. It said, “Move over, Freddie, Pinhead is here!”
What, you didn’t like Weekend At Bernies. Classisc. Dead guy getting kicked in the balls for 90 minutes (to vaguely quote Chandler on Friends)
I’d say the last sixwords in that sentence are redundant.
For my own entry into the debate, any moving produced by these two guys;
Yoram Globus
Menahem Golan
These 2 guys did more damage to cinema than anyone else on the planet. Period.
Bolero, Hot Resort, Lifeforce, American Ninja, Invasion USA, Death Wish 3 and 4, Delta Force, Cobra, Superman 4, Masters of the Universe, Salsa, Cyborg - the list is as painful as it is endless
Phone Booth would be an exception to this.
Also if the movie was made before 1960, then this rule should likely be ignored.
Hard Encounter…
Though that’s likely to be in the porn section.