So, what’s the deal? What’s wrong with thinking you’re special and “better” than everybody else. (FTR, I don’t think I’m better than everybody else – just most people.) How strong does it have to be before it’s a disorder? Is there a treatment for it? How would you even get someone with NPD to get treatment?
Here’s an interesting site which discusses NPD. It’s written by a layperson, I believe, so things in there might not be clinical, but I found it very helpful in understanding the condition. I have a few relatives and one client for my business who fit the pattern described on the website to a tee.
There’s nothing wrong with thinking that. There is a great deal wrong with acting like it. The hallmark of narcissism as a disorder is poor treatment of others, associated with poor adaptation to social situations ("Why would I adapt? I’m perfect! People who stand in my way are interfering with the natural order!) The exploitative tendencies, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, disregard for others, and constant need for attention inherent in NPD adversely affect interpersonal relationships.
NPD’s are very hard to get into treatment, true. Frequently it’s by court order or to humor a spouse.
That quiz is idiotic, by the way. Not just too simple – it’s simply wrong.
In my personal, lay experience, NPD’s may not even go around telling others that they are better. If it would make them look bad in a social situation, they will happily play along with the notion that others are just as deserving as they are. You have to look deeper at their actual behavior.
Thanks, that was pretty helpful. I can see certain elements of my personality in that description, but many parts don’t resonate.
Yeah, I should have added a winky smiley to that part. Of course I could either have meant it, or just added it to get along with the rest of you. Hard to tell with narcissists.
Yeah, it’s interesting. I often find that my inclinations are at war with what I should do. Generally I don’t listen to my “exploitative tendencies, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, disregard for others” because it’s not. . . well, right to treat people that way.
Heh. Yeah, I forgot to include a disclaimer. It’s a website, people! Don’t take it seriously. For me the results were thought-provoking.
If you think you have NPD, then you don’t have it, almost by definition. You would think that you are too good to be defective in any way. Google it and look around. The only NPDs who admit they have NPD think that they have the best case of NPD in the world.
I saw this post earlier tonight, and my wiseass answer was; a Narcissist would say:
If I could tell you, I’d have to kill you.
Yep, wiseass answer, but apt, too, growing up with one. The worst pain of narcissicm is that the person cannot realize any personal reality beyond themselves. This creates pain in the lives of loved ones, and, then, the narcissist, though they may not truly realize it.
Upon reflection, I think my last response was more personal than is appropriate for GQ. The thing is that I’m still confused.
I don’t think I have NPD.
I understand that it becomes a disorder when it starts interfering with personal relationships, when you start to feel so special that the rules don’t apply to you.
But doesn’t everyone have narcissistic tendencies? Doesn’t everyone feel special, or at least want to? Doesn’t everyone have some skill or talent area where they feel they are better than at least most people? Doesn’t everyone believe themselves to be an “above average driver?”
Do we just accept that everyone has a degree of narcissism and we don’t worry about it until someone’s a real outlier?
Sure. The thing about personality disorders is that people with them have these traits to an excessive degree that interferes with their ability to lead normal happy lives. That’s why self diagnosis can be so dangerous…a lot of people are a little narcissistic, a lot of people are a little shy around strangers, a lot of people are suspicious of people they don’t know, a lot of people are a little perfectionist, a lot of people are jerks and inconsiderate of others, and so on. Everybody’s a little messed up, in other words. But it’s not a personality disorder until these traits are such that people can’t function well.
Somebody with narccisistic personality disorder isn’t just a little full of himself. He literally believes he’s the most important person in the world and that the world should revolve around him. Getting miffed because a coworker doesn’t like your sweater is normal, flying into a rage when a coworker says the sweater doesn’t look good on you because you think the coworker’s jealousy of you has made him start a whispering campaign against you isn’t.
Well, he shouldn’t have to tell you he’s better. You should already know he’s better, and if he can condescend to play along with you, well, that just shows what a great guy he is.
Definitely no. Plenty of people feel normal, ordinary and many perceive themselves as generally inadequate.
Don’t make the mistake of assuming that most/all people have the same general perceptions/views you do. One of the most enlightening moment in my life was when I realized how different people’s perceptions were. Almost to the point of living in a different world than you do. And it’s compounded by, precisely, a general tendency to assume that everybody else thinks/feels more or less like them. So, you may live in a world where everybody is ambitious and proud of himself, your neighbour in a world where everybody is out to get you, you second cousin in a world where everybody spend most of his time having sex, trying to, or thinking about it, and so on. Add all the different perceptions about a variety of things, and the world you’re living in becomes only remotely related to your neighbour’s world.
Only a professional can diagnose NPD, as with most mental illnesses. And a professional isn’t going to tell anyone outside the therapeutic relationship, and probably not the patient either, as the patient would stop all treatment. Not that a NPD would agree to treatment as they will assert that there is nothing wrong with their mental state. Of course many mental illnesses have that problem. Ted Kaczynski was diagnosed as a schizophrenic at his trial, but he may also have had NPD in my non-professional opinion.
My observation is that most people are so (willfully) ignorant of traffic laws, and so unwilling to commit their full attention to driving, that they’re unaware of how badly they drive, not necessarily that they’re filled with confidence in their own superiority.
Ice Cream Conquest the fact that you are even questioning whether you have it or not indicates to me that you -probably- don’t. The NPD’er that I know well would never question.
She has uttered the phrase “It’s not me, it is everyone around me!”
Do you actually feel compassion and empathy for other people and the sometimes bad things that happen to them? Or only feel bad if it reflects upon you and your life? If you have empathy and compassion for others, whether it has anything to do with you and your beliefs or not, then you are probably not an NPD’er.
Huh, there was/is a semi-recent thread in The Pit regarding a posters lack of empathy for others. I’ve forgotten enough details to link to it at the moment.
