As some of you may remember, I recently started seeing a new man. It’s been a couple of months now and things are going well - I think this may develop into something more serious. But now he wants me to meet his family, and I’ve been invited out to dinner with him, his parents, his sister and her SO, AND some business clients of his father’s!!! I’d originally thought I’d got out of it as it was planned for the same night as my work’s Christmas do, but they’ve gone and re-scheduled it so that I can be there! So I have to go.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to meet his parents, I’d just rather not have met them in such a formal setting. I have to worry about what to wear, what to say, how to eat my meal without getting it everywhere (I’m a notoriously messy eater), not drinking too much…And please don’t anyone tell me to “just be myself”. The “real me” swears like a trooper, drinks like a fish and holds some rather extreme political views. The real me is not someone his parents want to meet.
It’s made more difficult by the fact that my bloke’s already hinted that his parents may not approve of me, although he says he doesn’t care whether they do or not, they’re not the ones who are going to marry me (cue lots of internal squeaking on my behalf: “Married?!! We’re getting married now?!!! Ok, calm down, he’s a bit drunk, he doesn’t mean it, don’t freak out, DON’T FREAK OUT!!!” but that’s another thread entirely), but I want them to like me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not “the girl from wrong side of the tracks”, I’m pretty much respectable, it’s more of a “Dharma and Greg” situation.
He’s already met my mum, btw, under much casual “pop in for a coffee” kinda terms. She likes him, but then she’s the laid-back, liberal type - if I’m happy, she’s happy.
So, in conclusion: EEEEEEEK! What do I do??!
Uh, you’re giving us no choice but to say “just be yourself.” Although swearing less and controlling your alcohol intake wouldn’t hurt either.
And stick a corner of a napkin down yer blouse to catch all the food that misses your mouth :D. Hey, you’ll get points for effort.
Take some deep breaths! Breathe! It will be okay. Relax, and be yourself. Just control the swearing a bit. And no need for political discussions just yet. They are just people, you know. They put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you. And if their son likes you, they might just like you, too!
(And congratulations on the almost engagement!)
Ah, you’ll probably make a spectacle out of yourself anyway. You might as well jump in with both feet first. I say get roaring drunk and dance topless on their table. Might as well do something memorable. 
A few points for the purpose of clarification:
- It’s not that I swear on purpose, with the intention to shock or offend, or anything like that. It’s just part of my speech pattern - I’m an Irish Geordie, it’s genetic!
- Nor do I intend to get roaring drunk, but you know what it’s like when you’re nervous - you have a glass of wine to calm your nerves, and because you’re nervous you gulp it down too fast. Because you’ve drunk it too fast, it goes straight to your head, making another glass seem like a good idea, after which you find yourself feeling much more relaxed and better disposed to everyone and it’s loosened your tongue and - why, yes thanks, I will have another glass - and before you know it you’re slumped across the table, using your naan bread as a pillow. Or maybe that’s just me…
- I wouldn’t start a political conversation, but if someone else does, I’ll find almost impossible to keep quiet. Also, see point 2: tongue-loosening properties of a glass of wine.
- Dolores, thank you for the congratulations, but I’m NOT engaged, or even almost engaged! One drunken comment does not a proposal make, thank God.
- Thanks for the advice, slortar, I’ll bear it in mind.
I just met parents m yself the Friday after thanksgiving. Wasn’t nearly as bad as I had feared. Just be yourself. If HE likes you they will too.
Sheessss Jenny, make sure you talk in sentences, not paragraphs. You’ll get all out of breath:). Seriously.
You’re an adult, relax, you have a right to your opinions. Polite company would expect that you don’t give all your opinions at once. If something is said that you don’t agree with, you can challenge it, change the subject or say nothing.
A view from the other side, Jenny!
We last month attended the wedding of my step-son to his lady
( I know I know your not getting married, right?)
Your OP did remind me of our first meeting with her though. We met at a very nice Chinese restaurant (our treat!), where she dainty proceeded to chuck the seaweed starter all over the table! The thing is, it didn’t matter one bit. We already knew how much our Son thought of her, and we were as anxious as I know she was to ‘make the right impression’. From that day on we have always got on, and love her to bits!
You know, everybody’s right, be yourself and relax as much as you can (the wine will help!) And hey, it must something with the name, cos she’s a Jenny to!!
ATB
Beech , that’s the most reassuring post so far - I’m joking about it but I really do want them like me. Thank you 
Right JENNY heres what you do and how you dress, and we’ll take dress first.
Plunging neckline [as low as possible] and no bra
Trashy necklace
Artificial tatts on arms and also face
Mini skirt up to your ass
No panties
Don’t bathe or shower before meet
chipped nail polish/smeared lipstick/uncombed hair
Cheap rings on all fingers and thumbs
MODUS OPERENDI
You sit yourself opposite b/fs dad and lick your lips in a suggestive manner.
Scratch crotch and/or ass
Sniff fingers and say “Ugh”
Look at b/fs sister and ask her if she fancies getting it on with you later, if she looks aghast just say “your loss kiddo”
Ask any or all of the business clients if they wanna do “business”
Pick nose and examine discoveries CLOSELY, place boogers behind ear.
Fart
Belch
I guarantee that all of this will have a positive effect on the gathered assembly and they will go home thinking “What a nice girl, we must do this again sometime”
Well you haven’t done any of the stuff I did so you’ll be fine.
I was friends with my boyfriend for ages before we started dateing. For several months the only time his mum saw me was when I was too drunk to walk home and needed a lift.
My boyfriend had previously told his mum I was gay, and therefore had to tell her I was actually straight (a slight lie again, I’m bi). He ended up telling her I was gay as after a night drinking we continued it at his. His mum thought I’d spent the night. (I hadn’t) So he lied and said I was gay to get her off his back.
You’ll be fine. Just be yourself!
If it’s any consolation, I’ve got you beat.
Last year, I had to meet my boyfriend’s parents. And a few other relatives, let’s say, oh, eighty of them. At a social function up on the reservation.
My boyfriend was bringing me, a white man twelve years his senior, home to meet the folks. And only half a dozen relatives even knew he was gay.
Really long story short, things worked out fine. In fact, we hosted his immediate family for Thanksgiving this year, and it was great.
Be charming, polite, and listen well. It’ll be fine.
Spogga : Eeew. Just eew.
Angelic Gemma : 
One of my mates told his girlfriend I was gay because she was so convinced there was something going between us (there wasn’t), and he had some explaining to do when she saw me out with my boyfriend. “Er, yeah, um…I thought she was gay but um, she…isn’t”. He now refers to me as his "favourite non-lesbian lesbian.
Mr Visible : Bloody hell, talk about a baptism of fire! I guess I’m getting off pretty lightly after all!
Meeting with a large number sounds less terrifying, to me…lol the father will be desperately trying to keep up appearances with his business assocs., and won’t even notice if you vomit into your handbag (because of the nerves )…
Re. alcohol…after a glass of wine, fill the same glass with water…that way it’s impossible to drink as quickly as you would otherwise. Also gives you an excuse for plenty of toilet breaks to calm down in
I agree with GorillaMan’s last suggestion – I also tend to gulp drinks when I’m nervous, and having a glass of water for every wine helps me pace myself.
And try to keep things in perspective. If things don’t go well, most likely everybody will have forgotten the details by the next morning … and if they really don’t go well, you can take it as a sign from the Fates that it wasn’t meant to be. (That happened to me once, and I’m glad it did.)
lol. Sounds like what my boyfriend said to his mum. Which was then followed by -
boyfriend - “…and we’re going out.”
his mum - “That’s nice. Where?”
boyfriend - “No mum, I mean out”
To stay in control, you might consider drinking water or soda pop instead of wine.
Wine may help you relax, but it may also make you do something you regret.
Although I already knew his dad and stepmom, I got to meet my SO’s extended family at…
…his grandfather’s funeral.
Yep. and a lovely time was had by all :rolleyes:
I love his family, though, and they seem to like me, so it all turned out alright, but talk about PRESSURE for that first impression!
Well, Jenny…I’ve been on both sides of meeting the 'rents. So here are my few thoughts.
Would you believe that they may be as anxious as you? Recently my wife and I traveled to our son’s home to meet his intended. And I was nervous! As she was from a different country, and had language problems with English, I had to be very careful about what I said. Any parent who is interested in their offspring’s welfare will be consciously trying to be nice…hopefully you won’t be any more “different” than our now daughter-in-law. She was very nervous, and my son was wise enough to give her some insight into his parents. She was herself, as near as I can tell. I came away from meeting her with the impression that she was intelligent, graceful, and cared about my son, and an all together lovely person. 'Nuf said.
I also have myself had to meet the parents. And they were as different as could be…different social class, different religion, different education…you name it…we were different! But my “now wife” was with me, and that gave me strength. I mostly kept my mouth shut and did the “WASP” thing. Of course, later, I could be a bit more free in what I said and did…but after I was accepted!
So, I would say that you should discuss how you feel with your honey, and then go…be restrained at first and feel out what the parameters are…Don’t worry, you can always expand to your true self later…Grin.
Good Luck!