“Well I’ve been praying to my Lord Cthulhu to come and impregnate me and He always responds that the stars are not right.”
“Why, I have a daughter…she’s right here.” ::wave towards an empty space:: “Harvina, say ‘hi.’” ::silent pause:: “Wow, she likes you! She’s never this vocal with other people!”
OK, it took me a few times reading this to understand. I thought your husband had 2 wives—you, who has the health reasons for not trying to conceive, and his other wife, who had just had a baby.
Either way, yes, people should just stop asking. I just can’t imagine what posses people to think that it’s OK to bring up such a personal thing, and such a potential landmine.
I have to agree with others who take the direct and genuinely offended tack. My bloated, passive/aggressive, piece of shit FIL has been pulling me in for a hug & squeeze with a side of way too personal questions about my reproductive life for 12 years now, and the cutesy evasions and deadpan surrealities started to bore even me. What’s worse is that he does this with every woman he meets who happens to appear childbearing age. UGh, what a maroon.
The last time he gave me the rough and insincere hug and kiss accompanied by The Question, (when are you going to give me a granddaughter?) I pulled away, looked him right in the eye and said something like: I know you think it’s your business, but I gotta tell you, it’s really NOT. Please stop asking me. Stop asking everyone else too. It’s rude. It makes people uncomfortable. For many the topic is actually painful. It’s not cute. Stop it.
I don’t know if it was the fix, but he hasn’t asked since.
You know I wasn’t talking about Posse People, right?
Posseses.
Beeyootiful. My husband and I are working on our responses to these unwanted questions, too. My first instinct is “None of your damned business”, but that’s not always appropriate (to his very nice, old grandpa, for one example).
Is there a site where you can find out how you’re doing in Internet?
Given that you do have issues in that area,tow about, “Because I can’t, you cunt”? This provides truth, rhyme, insult, and gynaecological association in one short sweet statement.
Genghis Khan had it right when he would lop off the head of anyone asking that. It’s how he got elected PTA president!
(may not contain 100% fact.)
Of all the replies, I think this is my favorite - along with the thead title, and matt_mcl’s coming in a close third.
“Well, we’re trying - but the kids we find just don’t seem to like the candy we’re offering.”
Susan
A friend who has four children has the opposite problem - people asking them why they have so many. He makes some comment about needing the money/sending them out to work.
When asked why we’ve only got one child, my husband often says:
“No, we don’t want any more children, and in fact, we’re thinking of putting this one up for sale/raffling him off”.
What I can’t believe are the minibrains who go on about how you have to have a girl, seeing as you already have a boy.
“Well, we’d love to have a little girl, but we’re afraid it might turn out to be a boy and we’d have to feed him to the crocodiles”.
Any room left in hell?
:sobs: “Gypsies stole my uterus!”
“Well, the black market doesn’t give the same payback on organs that it used to, and I already need to put one through college. Hey, could you donate a kidney to my funds?”
Keep up the donation sales pitch until the person is either cowering in fear or attempting to escape you.
*(not for use on bosses, parents-in-law, Happy Fun Ball, or in front of TV cameras.)
“Well, yes, that would be lovely, but little Damian is such a handful, can’t seem to keep a nanny…”
“Aren’t you going to have a daughter?”
“Weeeellll…I dunno. I mean, it’s a lot of work…drug a girl in a dark alley, take a blood sample, grow the clone, find a surrogate…it doesn’t seem worth it.”
Okay, but… want to drive her crazy?
Don’t even acknowledge the question.
“I was thinking of making spaghetti with chicken sausage.”
*“Um, yes, but I asked about a baby.”
—silence—
“Did you hear me?”*
“I just haven’t had good luck with sauce out of jars lately.”
As if the question doesn’t even exist in your universe. If you can get your husband to play along, even better.
Tell 'm the permit hasn’t come in yet.
If there’s further questioning, insist that you had a permit for the first one, and have no desire to get into trouble.
If people say one can - or specifically, they did - have chillern without permits, act completely shocked and suspicious.
“A new child? But we haven’t used up the old one yet!”
Or say “I’m never going through that again”, and then spend the rest of the evening going into explicit, graphic detail of every unpleasantness related to pregnancy, birth and aftermath that a creative imagination can dredge up.
-
“We’re waiting to find out for sure if this one is *really * a boy first.”
-
“A Chinese family has planted a few trees on their ground to compensate for our high energy consumption and CO2 pollution. In exchange, we have signed a contract with the Chinese government in which we take upon us the 1 child restriction policy, so that the Chinese family, unfortunate enough not have a girl the first time, can try a few more times.”
If you have friends who can say something more intelligent than 'Oh … Wow … ’ in response to the latter, give them bonuspoints and cherish them forever. 
Suggested Response:
We’re trying, but we want a (boy/girl), so we keep aborting them because only (girls/boys) keep showing up.
See, the thing with the smart ass comments is just that…they sound smart ass, not likely to stop the questions. You need to convey to the questioner that the question is HIGHLY inappropriate and you will not be discussing the subject with them. Ever. Period. End of discussion.