Nosy:
“Oh! You have two girls! Don’t you want a boy?”
Me:
“Nope. As soon as Boglette1 is old enough, we’re getting her penis sewn on.”
(Note - I’ve actually used this one. Lovely reaction!)
More proof that ivylass lives in a fantasy world.
Excuse me?
Martha wanted people to stop asking her personal questions about her reproductive plans. You have to be blunt with such people otherwise they won’t get the hint. How is that living in a fantasy world? 
I don’t get it. Is this supposed to be a funny one-liner or something?
ROTFLMAO…and if your imagination isnt fertile enough, I am more than sure a little serching on this list can come up with millions of nasty little details=)
FWIW, I agree with this. Snappy comebacks continue a discussion the OP doesn’t want to have.
Just do the broken record routine, and say “No” repeatedly until they get bored and drop the subject. It helps a little if it is not quite apropos to the question.
“When are you going to have another child?”
“No.”
“What do you mean? Don’t you want a girl?”
“No.”
“I don’t understand your reasoning. You aren’t getting any younger, you know.”
“No.”
“Why don’t you want a girl?”
“No.”
“I need a better answer than that. Why don’t you want to give me another grandchild?”
“No.”
“I asked you why.”
“No.”
Eventually, hopefully, you will get the point across, and you can talk about the new sofa cushions or something. Not to go all Ann Landers on you, but it takes two people to have a discussion, even on a topic that one of them doesn’t want to discuss. The only way to shut off discussion is to shut off discussion - not to offer reasons, not to justify your decision, not to score one-up points on rude people.
Sometimes this offends people, but probably not as much as some of the smart-ass answers you could give.
Regards,
Shodan
I think that this is intended to convey Mockingbird’s disbelief that anything can stop these people with their questions.
When we joke with these interlopers we are engaging in an univited conversation about personal reproductive choicess/maladies/whatever, and most of us seem to agree that uninvited conversation about personal reproductive choices/maladies/whatever should be discouraged. Who’s living in a fantasy world? Ivylass’ fantasy world is oddly coherent and sane.
Is there some reason you seem to pop up so often with completely unwarranted rudeness? Were you raised by wolves? Do you have some sort of brain damage that makes it impossible to regulate your behavior?
Before kids, when this question would come up, I usually responded:
When you set up a college fund, then we’ll start having kids.
or
Hubby has a low sperm count
Now, since kids, all I say to the Gonna have any more kids question, I joyfully announce, " Nope, I got my husband spade." 
We’ll just just finish fattening up the one we have and think about a second after we eat it.
Are you going to have another baby?
“No. There is only room in the prayer closet for one”
“When we get a bigger yard to mow we’ll have another kid”
“Yes. Right after the sale on this one goes through.”
“I will not forsake Zardoz again! The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals.”
“Only if I can trade this one in”
“You do realize you have to feed them right?”
“ANOTHER?!?! We JUST managed to get the smell out.”
Works best in a Jackie Mason voice: “I’m thinking a monkey. A baby we got”
Turn the tables on them: “Another? Of course. This is just the first of 17”
“We’ll have the next one when this one isn’t cute anymore”
Or a variation on that: “REALLY soon. We’re bored with this one already”
“Another baby? Fantastic idea. We totally forgot about a control group.”
:wally
Quite right.
only for use if you are comfortable being unbelievably blunt but I would think a simple
“what the fuck makes you think its any of your business?” might do the trick.
goes well with
“Who the fuck are you and why are you speaking to me?” that I use on random assholes in clubs/bars/ball games/whatever
I’ve got a standup comedian on tape here somewhere… he had a great response to that question:
“Yeah, right! Then I’d have a whole family whose lives suck! And of course, if you do get married and have kids, ya pretty much gotta talk to these people, like, every day! That wouldn’t work for me. I can just see it: ‘Honey, we need to talk.’ 'What, now? Can’t this wait ‘til the cable goes out or something?’”
It is honest and blunt but not as much fun. The smart ass answers also say, “It’s none of your business” for those who have a clue.
Some people who ask personal questions just don’t get it. I’ve responded with a “It’s none of your business” a couple of times only to wind up accused of being a stuck up asshole. I suppose a polite “I prefer not to answer personal questions like that” might be better. I still prefer some of the smart ass ones. If someone invades my space then I should be able to have some fun with it.
I agree with you. After all, I’m getting a kick out of reading this thread and all the wise assery. What’s more, I think it’s far better to get a laugh from this sort of thing than it is to get all twisted about it. We can’t control the stupid things that come out of the mouths of others, but we can certainly control the way we respond. My post was directed at mockingbird and not meant as a condemnation of the fine art of snappy response.
1.- I promised the liver of my secondborn to the Devil in exchange for passing Calculus 2 in college. Engineering’s tuff, you know.
2.- Any daughter of mine is bound to love pink, ruffles and bows. No fuckin’ way. (*)
3.- Oh, but nephews are SO much nicer! You know, I get to pamper 'em, and then send 'em back home with my sister in law… she does the same with my kids, of course.
(*) My very feminine sis in law has been warned repeatedly that any daughter of my brother is highly likely to take after her Auntie Nava, who is about as feminine as an 18-wheeler. And no, I don’t have kids, I like kids roasted. Or maybe fried. But in any case, never in groups of more than one.
This one, I’m definitely going to use, because it’s apt, and will ‘ruffle’ a few (pink) feathers. I’ll be sure to include Barbie and Hello Kitty amongst the ruffles and bows. Thanks** Nava**!
I will also try out a haughty but polite ‘I do not discuss such personal matters with strangers’ or ‘don’t you think that’s too personal a question to ask of someone you don’t know?’ when appropriate. I’ve used it with god-botherers and it’s had the desired effect.
While enjoying all the smart-arse replies I believe I am getting some good IMHO advice here.