Alright, I have tried to keep my mouth shut regarding this issue for quite a while now. But I have to say this lest I go psychotic and kill someone. When you get on an elevator, there are unwritten rules that have to be followed. Starting at the beginning:
If you see that the button to call the elevator has been pressed, do NOT press it again. It doesn’t get there any quicker, and most people are intelligent enough to be able to operate the button correctly in your absence.
Wait until other people get off of the elevator before you try to shove your wide ass onto it. As a general rule, two atoms cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Also, it’s easier.
As in rule #1, if someone else has pushed a button that happens to coincide with the one floor to which you are going, the doors will allow you to exit as well. Even if you don’t push the button yourself.
Elevators have weight limits. You hear that dinging sound, lardass? You hear that? If you are the last person on, and the weight limit indicator starts dinging, get your fat ass off and wait for the next one. Don’t stand there and complain because the thing is moving too slow. It’s moving slow because the elevator has to try to counteract the laws of physics, and the shadow of your ass is pushing it to the breaking point. If you do this again, I will hotwire the elevator to move with the doors open, and hold your head outside of the safety zone, allowing your forehead to come in contact with every single floor, a la the Three Stooges.
If you are waiting to get onto the elevator, and the doors open, and you see several people already on said elevator, do NOT try to cram yourself onto it, as well. It’s not a contest. You don’t have to beat anyone else to the ground floor. There is no prize for getting there quickest.
When other people exit a crowded elevator, STEP AWAY FROM ME!!! Do not continue to stay so close that people think that we are conjoined. We are not. In all likelihood, I really don’t even like you.
Do not use the elevator to travel one floor, unless you have some kind of injury or disability. This just makes you look lazy and stupid.
Know which floor it is that you should be going to. Do not say “it’s either on 10 or 11. I’ll know it when I see it.” I try to be pretty agreeable that it can be darned difficult to remember floor numbers, but that’s why people write things down.
If the place you are going has a security system in place involving ID badges, and I have access, and you don’t have your badge, do not ask me to let you in. I will not do it. If you decide to shoot the place up, I doubt very seriously you would spare my life simply because I let you in.
Do not fart on the elevator.
Get off the fucking cell phone. You are not that important. The call can wait.
Left to my own devices, I will normally let you exit first. However, if you try to insure that you will be the first to exit, I will make it my lot in life to block your exit every chance I get. And, if you do any of the above, the same thing applies.
The ONLY reason I ask this is that I’m an intern, and the floor I need to get to is locked out until 10 am, and security won’t give me a card, which I understand. I like to get up there early so I get the exhibits checked before the museum opens, which means I can’t check the alarms.
If you are in the front, by the doors, and the elevator stops on an intermediate floor (we stop at 8 and you’re going to 12), step out and clear the door to let the people who want to exit do so. If you’re afraid we’ll leave you behind, clear the door and hold it open. Really, we won’t leave you (unless you violate some of the rules, especially 10 or 11).
If you are the “driver” that is, you’re standing by the floor number buttons, and somebody calls out a number … press it (unless rule #3 applies). Don’t make folks reach around, across, and thru the rest of us.
Superdude, there are some very tasty decafinated coffees on the market. You might want to give them a try.
Most of your rules fall into the common sense area. Things like, get the hell out of the way, and don’t fart and stuff like that. In that I understand your ire.
But really, if you push the call button, and then I walk up and press it - is that really grounds for your wrath. I’m not hurting anybody by pressing a lit button. Maybe I’m a little distracted and I reach for the call button, noticing at the last moment that somebody already pressed it. Should I risk serious injury in trying to keep my finger from coming into contact with the button, apologizing the whole while, at the same time telling you what a doofus I am? Or do I just press the friggin’ button knowing no harm has come.
Or is it some kind of pride thing - “Hey! I pressed that button! What the hell do you think you’re doing pressing the button that I just pressed?!? The elevator’s gonna give you credit for pressing the button when that credit should rightfully fall to me! I will not be denied!!!”
As for the one floor rule, there are alot of buildings (the one in which I work, for example) in which the only stairs available are fire exits. They make you take the elevator one flight whether you want to or not.
Not a problem
Ahem…shit, fuck, cocksucking rat bastards, shameless,
obnoxious, shit eating grin, fuckwits, knobgobbling asswipes, duck fucking inbred shit for brains.
The public library where I work is located on the fifth floor of a large shopping mall. I often take the elevator all the way down to the second basement where the staff cafeteria is.
I really don’t understand people (young, fit adults especially) who bother to wait to get into the elevator to travel one floor. This is a shopping mall. There’s a working escalator 50 steps away. And stop complaining about how long the elevator is taking to get here. It’s probably stopping at all floors because of nimrods like you.
The call button for one elevator works for all three. You don’t have to press all three you idiot.
If an elevator does not serve the floor you want to go to, know that THERE’S A REASON FOR THIS. Don’t bitch about why your floor button won’t light up. It’s your damn fault you weren’t paying attention.
Decide where you want to go before you get into the elevator. That’s why there’s a directory in the lift lobby. If you push more than one floor button I will kill you.
If you realise you’ve pressed the wrong floor button, have the decency to apologize. (I always do.)It doesn’t change the fact that the rest of us have to stop at one extra floor. Just don’t act like it’s you’re God-given right and we won’t think you’re a complete dipshit.
When the doors open don’t dither and debate with your friend: “Wait, is this it? It sure looks different.” There’s a directory in the elevator that you could’ve looked at during the ride. Either get out or I’ll release the ‘Door Open’ button.
If you’re at the elevator lobby and your friends are not, DON’T hold the lift up especially if there are people already in it. Three elevators serve this floor. Wait for the next one. And if you people get in and we find out that you’re getting off at the next floor, I and everybody else who had to wait will kill you.
If someone is holding up an elevator full of people for you, that’s the time to stop strolling. Haul your ass in here, goddamit.
No amount of yelling into your mobile phone will do any good. If the signals don’t reach, they don’t reach.
Muzzle your kid, for the love of God. It’s a small space not a frigging playground.
If you’re going up, look for the lighted “up” arrow before stepping into the “down” elevator, looking confused, saying “Oh, this is going up??” and meandering out of the elevator, delaying traffic because you are in a fog.
If multiple able-bodied persons on an uncrowded elevator ask me to push their floor buttons for them, I am entitled to a gratuity.
If you are going to insult someone, make sure to use the appropriate words:
From the Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary
Main Entry: Nim·rod
Pronunciation: 'nim-"räd
Function: noun
Etymology: Hebrew NimrOdh
1 : a descendant of Ham represented in Genesis as a mighty hunter and a king of Shinar.
This is normally used to refer sarcastically to people who hunt once in a blue moon and couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a shotgun but believe themselves to be the best hunter to have ever walked the face of the earth.
[Pitmode ON]
Learn the fucking language before you start trying to use it. Look into a dictionary - if you can’t afford one then check out the internet. Merriam-Webster is there and it is free.
[Pitmode OFF]
What the hell are you talking about??? ‘Nimrod’ is normally used to refer to a garden-variety idiot or putz. Sound familiar? **
[/QUOTE]
Did you read the definition? You are making use of a word that you heard or read, and have never taken the time to look up. I have seen this word used (incorrectly) quite often here on the SDMB, and it irritates the hell out of me everytime. Might actually be worth a full blown Pit rant - or maybe an appeal to Uncle Cecil would be better. I am really sorry, but I can’t help it if a bunch of illiterate internet denizens have changed the meaning of the word within their own little world. A nimrod is not just a putz, he is a particular type of putz encountered in the forests during the various hunting seasons. He fancies himself a mighty hunter, even though he only goes hunting every couple of years, has no idea how the animals live or what their habits are, and believes himself to be a perfect shot. He is generally a greater danger to other hunters than he is to the animals. A nimrod is a putz and an idiot, so I see the connection, but he is not a garden variety idiot.
Take your medicine and learn your lesson and use “nimrod” in an appropriate fashion in the future.
Hey, people around the entire county(our country, by the way) are misusing that word. I’ve heard the word used in films and TV countless times, though, oddly, never in your ‘correct’ way.
Am I just out of the loop here? Has anyone else heard the word ‘nimrod’ to mean an inept, self-deluded hunter?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Mort Furd *
**16. If you are going to insult someone, make sure to use the appropriate words:
From the Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary
Main Entry: Nim·rod
Pronunciation: 'nim-"räd
Function: noun
Etymology: Hebrew NimrOdh
1 : a descendant of Ham represented in Genesis as a mighty hunter and a king of Shinar.
This is normally used to refer sarcastically to people who hunt once in a blue moon and couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a shotgun but believe themselves to be the best hunter to have ever walked the face of the earth.
Can I just point out here that lexicographers are often at least a year or two behind common usage of a word? There’s a reason for that… it takes time to write a dictionary, and to publish it!
Nimrod has a meaning in common American slang that is not covered by that definition… maybe it will be covered in the next edition…
Right the first time, AtomicDog.
That shows you how long the word has been used that way.
Oh, yes. Spooje, I am an American. I live in Germany now, but I was born and raised in the good old USA. I have heard nimrod used numerous times in the USA to refer to inept hunters. I have seen it in several books and short stories. Off the top of my head, L. Sprague de Camp’s “Rivers of Time” stories make frequent use of the term.
Perhaps I have just been out of the loop too long, and the use of the language has simply deteriorated in my absence. Did you never wonder where the word came from? Have you never read the Bible? Do you not ever watch old Bugs Bunny cartoons?
What is the world coming to? The classical basics of education (Bugs Bunny and the Bible) are being neglected to a shameful degree in this day and age.
Not deteriorated – changed. Evolved. Believe it or not, it is possible for a word to have TWO or (gasp) even more meanings, and to pick up new ones as time goes on. Language changes. Get over it.
Welp, sorry to piss on your parade there, but if the “incorrect” usage has been around that long, then it’s correct. Language is subjective, and far from dogmatic. Language is a process. Language enjoys defining itself, or some quasi-philosophical-lexicographical-grammarian shit like that.
And yet the dictionary definition YOU posted only indicates that it refers to a “mighty hunter”. Other online dictionaries concur: “any skillful or enthusiastic hunter”.
So where’s the definition indicating it should be used to mean “a putz and an idiot”?
I see. So common usage is now an acceptable defense?
Yes, I’ve read the Bible, and I watch Bugs Bunny cartoons. And I’m also apparently more aware of the way in which language develops than you. Language is defined by common usage, and the common usage is eventually incorporated into dictionaries. One can easily find a large number of words which used to mean something entirely different from their current most common meaning; that doesn’t mean that the current usage is wrong, but that the language has evolved.
Sure, “nimrod” has a specific definition harkening back to the Bible. It is also frequently used to mean “a putz or idiot” in a non-hunting context (haven’t you ever seen Beavis and Butthead?). And, as Astroboy points out, this will eventually be reflected in the dictionary as well.
That’s eerie – I’d finished my post with exactly the same phrase, and saw yours on the preview. Maybe it’s a sign…
