Embarrasing moment at dinner out last night...what do you think?

According to the BMI (which isn’t at all accurate on an individual basis, just population averages), she’s only 7 lbs “overweight”. Depending on the size of her frame, shoulder width, rib cage size, pelvis size, musculature, etc, she might not even be overweight.

After reading the OP’s previous posts on bloating and gas, I smell a skunk. It seems some of us have been had.

Dear OP,

  1. Your mum is a dick.
  2. Buy some new pants. Or a nice a-line dress or something. Seriously, whipping your pants open in the middle of a restaraunt really isn’t a normal thing to do. Sure, if it happens once as an emergency, fine. But it sounds like it happens every time you go out. Just get something different to wear out to eat.

I’ll play the odd man (person) here and side with the Mom. I rarely see a dinner with parents on both sides and you two aren’t even married yet. In such a case both families would want theirs to be impeccable. Yes, it was a good idea to make the whole thing casual, but a mother has to open her mouth and this was one instance. I’m just mystified at her words, talking to you like you’re 13. Does she always speak to you like that?

And you, madam, ought to know your limits in eating. Barring that, more comfortable clothes will help.

FTR, I understood the unzipping to be partial just from the first post. If that’s the case it’s not any kind of “exposing yourself”, specially if the trousers in question have a high waist.

Your Mom is a dick, and you may want to speak with the bf about ways you two can make “I’ve got your back” here clear to each other when a situation with family comes up. Most couples I know have a “my family, my problem to fix” rule, but many also have ways to extract their partner out of a bad situation or things like that (one of my aunts would suddenly remember she and hubby had tons of papers to grade, oops, must leave, c’mon boys… pushes her gang of five out the door).

Looks like bloating runs in the family:

That last quote weirdly has the tenor of acdetish story.

The mother was quite rude. No need to comment on someone’s weight. I say the if the unzipping was necessary for the sake of comfort and no indecent exposure was the result, what’s the problem? Eating out should be an enjoyable event, having pants uncomfortably tight is not fun. When I first saw the thread title, I thought a long and noisy fart was the issue. If you were holding one in, I’d say “Hey mom! I was bloated because I was holding THIS in” and then let it rip.

As I explained, you have no idea whether or not she’s healthy based solely on her BMI.

If needing to unbutton weren’t a fairly common problem, they wouldn’t make these: https://www.amazon.com/5-Pack-Button-Pant-Extender-instantly/dp/B005OCRZO8. (Learned about them when an elderly friend pulled his out after a hearty lunch.)

A fetish

No, it’s not fine. There are no “emergencies” where the goal is being able to sit at dinner and enjoy conversation until the check comes. “Whipping your pants open in the middle of a restaurant” is not an emergency action. If it’s not okay a second or third time, it’s not okay a first time.

What part? I see nothing to suggest that and I don’t see why it matters.

Part of the story was her mom blurting out at dinner that the OP was exposing herself- no one is just making that up here. What wasn’t part of the story was the OP denying that she was. If I was telling a story of me unzipping my pants in public and someone announcing that I was exposing myself, but I wasn’t, I would make sure I included that the announcement was bullshit. If the announcement was correct, I wouldn’t comment further, just like the OP left it. If it turns out that skin, panties, etc., wasn’t showing and it was hyperbole by the mom, it’s still far from okay. The OP made sure we knew the chairs were high and she included “so everyone could see I was undoing my jeans.”

The “I agree the boyfriend should have stuck up for you” posts are incredible. I can’t believe so many dopers are not only okay with the OP’s actions, they take it further and place some blame on the boyfriend. Yeah, the boyfriend should have spoken up. Once home he should have said “are you fucking crazy! Unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans at the table sitting on that tall chair with my father sitting there?! What the fuck is wrong with you!”

The OP’s starting weight and BMI have absolutely nothing to do with the discussion. Please refrain from intrusively analyzing/shaming her weight.

Look, your Mom was a complete a-hole there. No question at all. She has a right to her frustration and embarrassment, but she exacerbated the situation and attacked you when you were in pain. Unacceptable response to an unfortunate situation. In the annals of etiquette, pointing out someone else’s errors is the worst sin of all.

Your bf’s Mom is a saint. She is probably someone you could look to in learning social graces. Graciousness is all about minimizing or preventing the discomfort of others.

And speaking of that, there is a great deal you could be doing differently, much of which has been pointed out already. A few suggestions:

  • It’s unfair, but tight sexy jeans just are not a reasonable choice for those of us with gastro issues. You need to search out pants with “easing” features. This will sound crazy, but there are many nice fashions to be found in the maternity department. I know you want to slap me right now, but there are pants made for the first and second trimesters, which are exactly what you need.

  • Yoga pants. A good pair of yoga pants in dark blue or black can go anywhere. I even wear them to work under longer blazers.

  • Use the ladies room for all adjustments. If you get up from the table a couple of times, that’s ok too. People will get the hint that you are uncomfortable and start wrapping it up to get you home.

  • Ox bile pills. Get them at your local health food store. Also Bean-aid and Lact-aid. Take one of each with restaurant meals and give your body the support it needs to break down this food and use it to your benefit.

  • Probiotics. You want a product with a large variety of beneficial flora and fauna. You will continue to suffer until you get your intestinal biome balanced. IBS sufferers generally need to continue to boost the variety at intervals. One with variety plus one acidophiluswill go a long way to preventing your pain. Those are just examples though,be sure to read the labels and see how many of each variety you are getting. Some products will fake you out and only provide fiber.

  • Accept that this easing behavior is enormously embarrassing to those around you. I do understand your pain,but prevention and management of your condition are on you. It doesn’t matter that it’s unfair, this is your burden, so heft it. No one is going to want to go out in public with you if you continually wear tight pants and then have to undress in public.

  • To reiterate, you should not be publicly shamed when you are caught off guard or handle your symptoms badly. Don’t hang outwith people who do that to you.

Your mom said a totally appalling thing! I’d have left immediately. And if your BF didn’t get up and go with you then goodbye to him.

You are the doctor, so I will defer to your opinion. Still, I don’t see how “overweight” is “healthy”.

Yeah, Drunky, uh, I don’t think that the folks who describe themselves as “bloating up” after meals are disproportionately hipsters.

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that your b.f. damn well should have said something. His mother came to your defense after all. Why shouldn’t he?

My Chinese mother-in-law used to have a habit of patting my wife’s belly/butt and telling her that she’s getting fat. And for context, my wife is 5’8", 125lbs (or approximately 0.41 WalMart shoppers). I made it VERY clear to her that this was not acceptable, and I did not appreciate her trying to give my stick-thin wife more of a complex than she already has. Soooo she started calling her fat in Cantonese thinking I wouldn’t pick up on what are now the only 2 Cantonese words I know (fai mui … “fat girl”) Yeah… I put a stop to that too.

Bottom line is if your man won’t go to bat for you, then he’s probably not a keeper. And yes, that goes both ways. If I didn’t think my wife would be my ally in all things, then I never would’ve married her.

Honestly, I haven’t. The idea of having to literally unzip your pants after a meal just sounds inconceivable to me, even after I’ve eaten too much.

I mean, I assume you’re telling the truth and you DO bloat, and other people presumably do because I’ve heard of this before, but no, it does not happen to me.

Then consider yourself lucky. I had a friend back in high school that ultimately had to drop out of school because of his IBS. Sometimes his belly would swell up for no apparent reason, and his gut would start making crazy loud noises. And he’d just dash out of classrooms without even asking. All the teachers knew that he had a free pass to the shitters whenever he wanted because the alternative was a shit puddle in their classroom. I wouldn’t wish that shit (literally) on anyone.

I’m gonna stick up for the mom. Behaviour of the daughter was marginally inappropriate (nothing to worry about), but in front of the boyfriends parents, that’s a mistake. Mom has taken it on the chin, and redirected attention from her daughters behaviour to her own behaviour. Now, instead of going home and saying “that girl is clueless”, they’re going home and saying “That girl is clueless, but look at her mother! No wonder! The girl’s got my sympathy, and if you get her away from her mother, maybe she’ll turn out all right.”