Empathy No More

This week, at work, was shit. It was partially shit because my coworker was out in an already understaffed office, partially shit because we had an internal quality review, and partially shit because it’s my closest coworker’s last week. It was, however, mostly shit because of one particularly large piece of shit narcissistic unreasonable waste of my fucking time client.

Hopefully by now at least some of you have gleaned that it takes a lot for me to dislike someone. That someone we’ll call Ima Shithead.

On Wednesday of this week, my coworker left at 2pm for an extracurricular thing she had planned in advance. I work in debt counseling, we’ve been absolutely slammed by the economy and are so completely understaffed I can’t even begin to describe it. This is already a stressful job. Believe it. Anyway, I was the only account maintenance person in-house, with three counselors taking appointments. I was supposed to finish the bank deposit and leave work by 4:45pm, when I usually go to catch my train. (We close at 5pm on Fridays.) Oh, it’s also important to note that I work in One Penn Plaza, a huge hi-rise office building in Midtown Manhattan. We’ve got very tight security.

Ima Shithead calls at 3:30, completely furious that security wouldn’t let him in without authorization from us. I added him to the permanent security list immediately, but it didn’t stop him from bitching at me for a half hour over the phone from the downstairs lobby. Among his demands were that we reverse his monthly fees, file a complaint to security and also arrange to have the Head of Security apologize to him. He wanted this done within the next twenty minutes. I told him I do not currently have the resources to make all of this happen within the next 20 minutes, but would be more than happy to speak with him face to face.

Ima Shithead finally makes it upstairs about 30 minutes later. Ima’s main problem is that he missed a deposit to us in March. For any other client this would take 5 minutes to deal with. When clients have extensive concerns with their account, they are encouraged to schedule an appointment with their financial counselor. It is made clear to them that counselors are available by appointment only.

Ima is special, and wants to see someone now. He doesn’t care that my coworker Beloved left with a medical emergency, or that my other coworker Hero Boy is currently seeing another client. Ima wants me to document all of his complaints while he stands over me. Ima wants to speak to corporate. He is convinced that the upper-level employees of our nonprofit organization are making millions of dollars off of unfortunate souls like him. He thinks I am very nice and competent, don’t get him wrong, but I’m not a financial counselor and he feels he should not have to schedule an appointment to see one, but instead should be seen immediately.

Over the next TWO HOURS, I deal with Ima. At 4:45ish two more clients arrive, and Ira begins obnoxiously interrogating them about how much they pay for our services. He then tells the prospective client that he wouldn’t recommend our services because corporate is greedy and evil (he doesn’t actually have any facts to support these allegations, but that’s not stopping him.) At this point Hero Boy comes out and courteously but firmly tells him to GTF out, it’s closing time and he should schedule an appointment if he has anything further. He points out that I have missed my train and the bank deposit. Ima Shithead refuses to leave. He wastes a lot more time trying to get through to corporate and our Quality Department when it’s clearly past our posted hours of availability. Hero Boy has to take his 5pm, once again leaving me alone.

He does not leave for another hour and a half, after dictating that I document a letter detailing his many grievances, among which are ‘‘emotional distress’’ caused by not getting through security right away. We go over his account in excruciating detail and he clearly understands nothing I am trying to tell him. If something doesn’t make sense to him, he immediately concludes that we are trying to trick him. Since Hero Boy reported that Ira interrupted one of his appointments screaming and cursing about a year ago (causing him to be transferred to another center… did I mention he’s not even our center’s client?), I viewed my duty in this matter to avoid escalation of the situation. Also, god help me, I felt a little bad for him. Tough financial times and all that. As a result, he made me include in the letter that people like me give him faith in our organization.

Ima Shithead leaves at 6:15pm, a full hour and a half after I had planned to leave work. I don’t leave until another hour after that, go home exhausted and frustrated, and come in the next day to find my coworker called in sick and I’m once again on my own in the office.

I spent the remainder of the day documenting the events from the day before, carrying out my promises to the client (to clean up his complaint letter and email it to my Group Managers for resolution within 24-48 hours.) I also write a not happy letter to my bosses, detailing every inappropriate incident and telling them that I was really uncomfortable to have been forced into a situation where I had no backup or authority. The client, though wholly inappropriate, had essentially legitimate complaints about the office being understaffed and being unable to get easily through to our center or people of importance. We’ve all felt the strain, but our cries of distress have largely gone ignored. I also told them I genuinely question the wisdom of keeping him on our program. I stood up for myself, and since I’m usually very passive I’m damn proud of that.

Anyway, Thursday was a completely wasted day because of all the documentation I had to do on this guy. I woke up pissed off and went to bed pissed off. Selfish fucking dick fucking cocksucker asshole.

Friday Shiny Dancer is back. I’m in a much better mood, and I make it clear in no uncertain terms that I’m leaving at 2:15pm today because I worked OT on Wednesday night dealing with Mr. Shithead. Everybody is cool with this, because everyone agrees this guy is an ass and feels very sorry for me.

1:15pm today rolls around… and guess who’s back? It’s Ima Shithead! Since I was in the back, he didn’t know I was there, and Shiny Dancer is much more assertive than me so she told me she would handle him. I listen to him loudly and obnoxiously harangue some more clients and argue with Shiny Dancer with arguments based on lies. He completely misrepresents what I told him the day before, even though I’ve got it well documented (believe me… WELL documented.)

Our Team Leader, All Business is on top of things today. He has no problem telling the guy what for (in a very professional way, mind you.) I’m still hiding in the back, quite distressed by being near the guy. It sounds irrational, but something about him is… off.

My golden hour has arrived. It’s 2:15pm. I’m terrified to leave and have him see me. But I’ll be goddamned if I let this fucker waste another second of my time.

At this point Beloved whispers, ‘‘Now’s your chance. All Business and Kerri are both addressing his concerns. Get your stuff and go!’’

I grab my coat and breeze toward the door. I make the fatal error – eye contact.

‘‘Oh, YOU!’’ he says. ‘‘I’m glad you’re here. You need to explain some things to me.’’
‘‘I have submitted your complaint to the Group Managers and it has been forwarded to the Quality Department and is currently under review. You should receive a response within 24-48 hours,’’ I say. But he doesn’t hear me, because he’s yelling over me.

‘‘Sorry, I have to go home,’’ I say.
‘‘You’re staying here,’’ he says.
‘‘I’m going home now,’’ I say. I had to excuse myself past him to get through the door.
‘‘No, you’re not,’’ he says.
He blocks the door. I am 5’2’’. He is at least 6 feet tall.
I manage to get the door open and he pushes toward me, ‘‘You’re not leaving,’’ he says, ‘‘You made an agreement with me blah blah blah.’’
‘‘Yes,’’ says, All Business, ‘‘She is. Don’t you follow her out the door.’’
‘‘Oh, I definitely will! She’s NOT leaving.’’ He proceeds to chase me out the door and start down the hall after me.
‘‘If you don’t leave her alone RIGHT NOW, I’m calling security and you are going to be removed from this building.’’

That’s the last thing I heard, because then I was in the elevator, ready to curl into a fetal position. I am surprised how upset I am. Then I remember I have PTSD. It’s a bitch at times like these. I am shaking like a fucking leaf.

I immediately call my boss and leave a voice mail on his machine informing him of the escalating situation. ‘‘I am not going to work in an office where he is a client,’’ I say. ‘‘It might be a little irrational, but I don’t feel safe.’’

Then I went home. I’ve since been in email contact with my team, and learned he stayed for another hour and a half, talking to my boss on the telephone. My boss has an appointment scheduled with him and is going to lay the smack down. If he ever shows up without 24 hours notice he is going to be terminated from the program. I noticed my boss left the possibility of him coming to our branch office as long as he gives 24 hours notice, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting to not being okay with that.

Anyways (ahem)
Fuck you, you fucking cocksucker narcissistic control-freak asshole. You have no fucking right to tell me when I can and cannot leave my fucking job. You don’t deserve our help, you ridiculous pompous disrespectful worthless ass.

:slight_smile: That feels better. Have a good weekend folks.

Let me be the first to say that I hope the next installment of this story includes security showing up to give him a proper Hulk Hogan style smackdown.

What a massive jerk. Sorry you had to go through all that olive–many hugs coming your way!

Get some pepper spray and use it next time when he does show up and give you problems. He deserves it for the chase you out the door aggressive attack.

Wow, he really is a shithead. I think you should check to find out if it would be possible to charge him with anything for that little stunt, then have your boss mention this the next time they speak.

Olive, I am enormously sorry this happened to you. Please do not go back there until they resolve this situation in a way that works to protect you. YOU are more important than this shithead.

Here’s the question. Is it unreasonable of me to expect to never have to deal with this guy again? Am I going too far, or is it a legitimate demand? I have no evidence that he is capable of violence, but does simply not feeling safe trump this client’s right to deal with our office in person?

As I have a trigger-happy panic reflex, I’m not sure how rational I’m being. Every instinct I have is screaming, ‘‘No, it’s not acceptable for this client to come here, ever, not with 24 hours notice, not with a fox or in a box, NEVER.’’

Sr. Olives says the situation would be upsetting/scary for anyone, and my coworkers have all confirmed that they were upset and frightened too. I have the feeling they are going to fight to keep him out of our center. There were at least three witnesses to this incident so it’s definitely not my word against his. I’m just not sure what’s reasonable.

What a fuckwad! I don’t have PTSD and I’d be shaking. This guy is way the fuck over the top; I would never want to deal with him again either. ETA: I think not having to deal with him again is an entirely reasonable request on your part. Unless you get to carry a rolled-up newspaper and whack him on the nose when he gets out of line.

(Joke.)

As for the 24-hour notice thing, maybe it’s a way of getting him to violate something concrete, since the “don’t be a jerk” rule is as nebulous in real life as it is on the internet (although you’d think blocking a fucking employee from getting out the door would be enough, but you’d be surprised). They know that he’s going to violate it sooner rather than later, and they’ve got something “objective” to bounce him with.

Cockmonkey.

Olive, he BARRED YOUR PATH TO KEEP YOU FROM LEAVING THE OFFICE. He CHASED YOU DOWN A CORRIDOR. There was a clear threat of violence in both actions. Perhaps he only intended to restrain you rather than assault you, but he was using force to do so. Your reaction is entirely reasonable, and entirely justified.

I am having an atypically emotional response to this thread because, well, I used to be Mr. Shithead. I used to use my size and maleness and the threat of violence to intimidate women, and I am quite certain I did some things that left some of them with PTSD. PLEASE do not listen to anyone who excuses anything this guy did. PLEASE do not let anyone diminish your feelings as an overreaction, or silliness, or anything like that. That’s bullshit. I’m willing to bet that this guy did what he did because he enjoyed the feeling of power it gave him over you; because he feels powerless in life due to his financial situation, he sought to take power by making you afraid. He’s not going to stop, and it’s unreasonable and wrong for them to allow him the chance to repeat this. PLEASE make your bosses understand this.

Getting this guy barred from the office ASAP should be the goal. You never having to deal with him again should be non-negotiable.

Doesn’t blocking the door, and pushing toward you in an effort to stop your progress, chasing after you, and shouting at you rise to the level of assault already?*

I think the only unreasonable response you’re even potentially displaying is failing to have a restraining order slapped on him.

*battery if he physically contacted you.

But just consider how awful his childhood was! Just imagine the sort of parenting you’re receiving when your parents give you the name, Ima Shithead!

I understand his entire family is troubled and the jails are full of Shitheads.

Olive, you mentioned that he had an incident similar to this a year ago and he was already transferred to another center back then. Isn’t that enough? Is your manager really going to take on a documented repeat-offender? He’s already been kicked out!

Can you find out if he’s done this at the center he was transferred to? If he’s not going to them, it must be for a reason. That’s enough, he’s out of chances.

Make sure to point this out to your manager and make sure he gets the story from the other center, I’m sure it’s a good one!

I’m totally with the others who say you should not ever have to see this fuckwad again!

From the events and the level of documentation you have produced I don’t believe you would have any trouble at all getting a restraining order against him.

If he fails to give 24 hours notice to allow you to arrange to be elsewhere and shows up unannounced you are then quite justified in having his worthless ass arrested. Love to see how far being a dick against a couple of LEO’s get’s him.

Well sounds like he doesn’t need to get past security at the front.

Hugs documented and appreciated. :slight_smile:

We’ll see how I feel on Monday. I don’t think my boss has the whole story yet, since I doubt he even got my VM at the time he emailed our center (immediately after getting off phone with client.) I feel reasonably confident that he will see my POV once I give him the full details of what happened.

Glad to hear I’m not overreacting.

In nursing it is. You absolutely have the right to refuse to take care of any pt you think may be a danger to you. (this also includes sexual harassment by pts, btw).
IIWY, I’d ask your Team Leader and HR how to handle this. I am not sure if you should file a police report (just so there is a record of his harassment).

You are NOT overreacting. He is waaaay out of line and should not be allowed up by security unless he complies to the rules.

Sorry this happened to you. But honestly the person I feel most sorry for is Sr. Olives (perhaps because I’m a married guy too and at least you can do something about the situation since you work there and all). I’ve been in a situation where a guy messed with my wife at work and it was all I could do not to get physically violent. Best of luck with everything.

After he was told to leave because it was closing time, and he refused to leave, why didn’t someone pick up the phone and call security? I understand the desire to try to defuse the situation, but he’s already established that he won’t be satisfied with anything that you can do for him anyway.

Absolutely. He refused to leave when he was told you were closing? Security should have handled it from then. And then got physical with you today? No way he should be allowed back into the office.