Well, it’s the end of the Year.
Or, at least one of them in the article, is the End of the Year.
Note–non-pron, if not quite safe for work.
C’mon, people! Use your imagination! 3/4 of those items are just things shaped like a dildo. Has anybody seen my car keys?
You could press the button and see who quivers
I’m sure I saw this same link a week or two ago…
I like the efficiency of sticking the lube bottle into the orifice. I’m surprised by some of the vaginal items. Not that someone stick them up a vagina (people do weird things) but some of them seem like they should be easy to retrieve. A popsicle stick?
The popsicle had already melted.
So?
Discourse
“Dr., I have a vibrator lodged in my vagina.”
“I can retrieve it, but it’ll cost $300.”
“How much to change the batteries?”
The person who had a dildo stuck in their rectum tried to retrieve it with a pair of pliers, which then got stuck, too. They should have gone after the pliers with a monkey wrench.
Yes. In the More Jokes thread.
There was an old lady…
Having a vagina, I cannot imagine shoving ice up there would feel good, but people can be weird.
That’s o.k., I think I’ll walk.
Would an X-ray actually show the stripes on a candy cane?
A man gets a prescription for suppositories from his doctor. The doctor tries to explain how to use them, but the man stops him and says, “I’m not an idiot.”
A week later the doctor follows up and asks the man how things are going. The man replies that he finds the pills quite difficult to swallow and that they don’t seem to be working. The doctor is surprised: “Excuse me, sir, but did you say you are swallowing these suppositories?”
The man replies sarcastically, “No, I’m shoving them up my butt…”
I suppose it depends what the stripes are made of. But i assume that image is fake.
In one of the hospitals I was an intern in, they had a trophy cupboard on the ER, filled with objects retrieved from bodily orifices. That was almost thirty years ago, and the stuff that was in there was already at “are you f-ing kidding me” levels. I remember a lot of big candles, vegetables and bottles, and some stranger items that I can’t recall. It was tradition for every intern to be shown it, I think in an attempt to convey that everything you can conceive of doing has already been done, and worse. After more than twenty years as a doctor that sentiment has stayed with me. People are really creative on the one hand, and so much alike in their stupidity at the same time.
In the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia they have a huge cabinet filled with the bizarre things people have swallowed. Given that the place is a model of decorum, I now begin to wonder if ALL the items in it went in through the mouth., and they were discretely not mentioning the facts.
Well, the swallowing of objects at least has a medical name. It’s called pica and can extend to nails, screws, cutlery and other stuff. Often it’s accompanied by either a psychiatric diagnosis (psychosis is a common cause), a mental disability or…be a side effect of pregnancy apparently. I once had a psychotic patient in an isolation cell who managed to work loose and ingest the screws with which the bell (for calling the nurses) was mounted. No idea why, I suppose he didn’t know either. We had to give him lots of a Dutch delicacy called ontbijtkoek, which is sticky and bulky. The idea was to speed up digestion and kind of pack the screws in so they wouldn’t damage his intestines. No further action needed. As far as I know he didn’t suffer any problems from it.
All this to say that collection could have entered both ways 
. People are really strange sometimes.
One other thing I remember from that cupboard was lightbulbs. And not one, multiple.
My father once had a patient who shoved an old fashioned glass/mercury thermometer through his penis and into his bladder. The guy was from a local prison, and he really liked being in the hospital, where he had a nice bed, a choice of food, his own TV, and two guards who played cards with him. He had been starting to recover, and hoped to extend his stay in the hospital.