Engelbert Humperdinck is God.

Once, I was like you. I had no meaning in my life, no purpose. But then, I found this thread,

Everybody read me PLEASE

Now I admit I was struck blind while reading the OP. But then, when I read Deeward’s riposte to the cynics, it was like the scales fell from my eyes. It wasn’t about Deeward’s bid for half-trick poneydom, it was about the issue. It was about . . . Engelbert.

When you understand, when you really understand, you understand. Engelbert Humperdinck is so much more than the most popular entertainer of all time. So, so much more. His name is like a mantra. Engelbert Humperdinck, Engelbert Humperdinck Come. Say it with me. It doesn’t matter where you are, whether you are at home, at work, at school, in the library. Repeat it out loud. **Engelbert Humperdinck, Engelbert Humperdinck, ** Listen to yourself. Engelbert Humperdinck, Engelbert Humperdinck. Don’t you feel something coming over you? I know I do!

…rrrrrrrrrrrright… so, the situation is, we are under attack from a rabid Engelbert Humperdinck fan?

It’s time to hand back my eyeballs, because now I really have seen it all…

As ever, Billy Connolly sang it best on his “Billy Connoly Live in Concert” album

"I like to sing James Taylor songs, and songs by Carol King.
I’ll even sing John Murphy songs, I’ll sing anything.
But when I sing in social clubs, just one thing sickens me,
a wee drunk woman staggers up, and this is what she says to me.

Hey Jimmy, gonna gi’ us Ten Guitars?
Her face has got a dozen battle scars,
Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars.
Oh I’m really getting sick of Ten Guitars. "

theres two more verses, on this link

I’m willing to bet that Deewart is putting us on: I mean, c’mon. Engleblert Humperdink? Really. He should have chosen someone believable as his pseudo-icon…say…Liberace or Boy George.


Are you dissing Boy George, Fenris? I really wouldn’t like to think that the so-called “Mighty” Fenris (all right, I was the one who called you that, but it still counts as so-called) was suggesting that Boy George is a worthy icon for a mere member of the One Trick Pony Chow-dare and Marching club?

Boy George is a Diva, a Great British Institution, and most hats make me look like him. Do you, so-called “Mighty” Fenris, really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?

he’s Irish :wink:

U2 is the greatest rock and roll band of all time.


We are?

Sorry. Old joke.

Winglebert Slapdyback…Finglebert Swiftybuns…

I thought Eric Clapton was supposed to be God. I’m so confused.

Max: Why’d you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name!

Valerie: What, Humperdink? Humperdink. Humperdink. Humperdink!

Max: I’m not listening!

Engelbert has some sweet pipes, Lord knows, and longevity. My epiphany was at 4AM: there was an infomercial, I had a credit card and a phone in reaching distance, and not long after I had my cherished Engelbert CD. All of his best.

But mine eyes have seen Neil Diamond at the United Center, writhing on the stage floor for the benefit of sweaty ladies in pantsuits, so of course I have a bias. Neil’s better.

Big deal. All of that has no meaning and no purpose, like Truth Seeker’s life, if you don’t accept the axiom: Elvis is God.

One of the reasons I still love U2 is that Bono, on a good night, can rival Elvis’s vocal majesty.

You thought? Oh, ye of little faith.

Clapton IS God.

Engelbert Humperdinck is god?

That explains everything. :slight_smile:

Liberace? Elvis? Clapton? U2? Boy George?!? These so-called “entertainers” aren’t even fit to touch the hem of Engelbert Humperdinck’s jacket!

I know these boards do a lot of funing , but this time can we be serious for a few minutes?
I’m not in the mood for laughs.

As a matter of fact, I’m feeling really bad. It’s darn near a heartbreak type of feeling.

The issue is ENGELBERT! Can we concentrate on that, you philistines?

rjung, Thank Engelbert that at least someone understands. I can’t tell you what joy it gives me to know that you, too, have reached a state of Humperdinckness. Engelbert bless you!

Jerry Garcia is god.

you filthy heathens!

Ya know, I’ve always kinda liked the name Humperdink. It sounds like you’re saying something really, really nasty involving sex, while you’re not actually saying anything at all.

TruthSeeker, you’re right! I . . . I . . . I do feel something . . . . It’s like a fire has been lit in the pit of my stomach, and it’s growing and spreading and getting bigger and stronger all the time . . . It’s like . . . like . . .

Heartburn. Guess I shouldn’t have had that last taco.

Hey, TS, Alka-Seltzer will make that feeling go away in just a couple of minutes.

Yes, that tinfoil hat is really attractive. I bet a copy of this post and 50 cents will earn you a free six-month vacation in the lovely Cuckoo’s Nest Inn [sub](State Home for the Mentally Handicapped)[/sub]

Protesilaus and hobgnoblin: Both of you should know better than to talk about CLAPTON in front of other people! sigh How soon the privileged ones forget . . . you know only those of us with special extra sensory perceptions can sense His Divineness!

If you screw up again He will punish you by replacing all of your CDs with copies of ‘Teletubbies Sing the Blues’ [sub]*with a special appearance by Peewee Herman[/sub].

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

No, coosa, I’m here on assignment. You see, He came to me in a dream, and said “Dammit, Hob (we’re tight like that), some idiot named Dipwad is bearing false witness against me, and preaching that some ‘Dingleberry Humpersomething’ is God. I’m rather busy hammering out the chord progression for my newest song, so you’ll have to go and straighten them out for me.”

Besides, Clapton is a merciful God. He would never torture me that way. N’Sync maybe, but not Teletubbies.