Especially in this recent thread, where RexDart was complaining about his lack of sucess with females.
In this thread, I will rush to RexDart’s rescue, as I was also attacked earlier when I myself posted a whiny lamentation about how I’m not getting any action and then was scolded for saying I didn’t want someone who is fat.
Here is the argument:
(1) The whiny rants by lonely guys are about the lack of physical relationships with a member of the sex we are attracted to. We aren’t talking about friends, we are talking about physical relationships.
(2) If I want a girlfriend and/or a physical relationship, by definition the other person HAS to be sexually attractive to me. I have to want to do sexual things with her. If I don’t want to do that, then she being my girlfriend isn’t going to work.
(3) If a female is so big that it takes a large bottle of Viagra to get an erection over her, then she isn’t what I want. She could be a friend, a great friend, but I don’t want her as a girlfriend. There has to be some level of sexiness involved. It’s required or else it isn’t going to work.
(4) I’m not shallow for thinking this. I can’t make myself attracted to a fat woman, no matter how hard I try. If I could things would be easier. But until I can get hypnotized “Shallow Hal” style and only see the inner beauty, that isn’t going to happen.
(5) Everybody has some level of shallowness. Am I shallow for only desiring the Vagina Carrying members of our society? I’m sure there’s plenty of GUYS that would have sex with me too, but simply put I don’t want them. I am not an asshole because of this, neither am I an asshole for not wanting to do the nasty with the Horizontally Challenged.
(6) No, I’m not talking about women who are chubby or a little overweight. I’m talking about FAT women. What’s the difference between chubby and fat? Well, I know it when I see it.
You’re missing the point. A few clarifications from the linked thread which clarify:
QUOTE] by sperfur:
The anti-fat attitude itself is not attractive - I know he has it - he mentioned it twice. The anti-fat attitude itself is hurtful to others. That is what I feel he needs to get over. If he dates fat girls or not, doesn’t matter - if he treats fat people like he treats everyone else, it will make him a more attractive human being.
If you want to be a dickhead about it, that’s your choice.
[/QUOTE]
The problem isn’t that Rex isn’t sexually attracted to certain people. No one has a problem with that. It’s that he apparently expects these same people to lust after him enough to sucker him into a relationship, and his bizarre belief that no one overweight can ever find love without settling.
As a side note, I 'm saddened that Rex expects reciprocity from others - that is, as a fat man he can never find a relationship unless someone “settles” for him. It’s pretty damned depressing to think that you will never be truly loved on your own merits, and I feel for the guy.
Blalron, I think you are missing the point. Yeah, the commandos are a bit trigger happy, and they storm the beaches at the merest hint of instigation – but in this case the instigation is still there.
One may happen to find a specific group of people unattractive but, particularly in the example cited, this innate right is confused with a license to mock people in that same group. Aren’t normally attracted to Chinese gals? Suit yourself, but you would not say, “I’m not into Chinks.” Like them slender? Fair enough, but there is no need to call people that don’t meet that ideal, as Rex would say, ‘fatass loser girls’. Make sense?
To sum up: preferences are fine; but one can express this without making derogatory statements.
I am not trying to be difficult. I truly would like the male insight on this, but nobody answered me in the other post.
How do you know it when you see it?
What is the criteria for ‘fat’ versus ‘chubby’ or ‘a little overweight’?
My husband keeps spouting stuff at me about hourglass figures and how the glass can be bigger or smaller as long as it has the right shape. Cosmopolitan had a scientific formula a while back with something about waist to hip ratios.
I am sincerely trying to get some insight here.
What IS fat?
Exactly. And also, I am bewildered as to why Rexdart had to bring up “fatass” chicks not once, but twice in his OP. The OP was supposed to be a lament about how he’s not getting any action, not about how he isn’t attracted to fat chicks, or how afraid he is that he’ll end up getting “stuck” with one years from now, because he’ll be so desperate.
Or, to put it another way, is there any call to bring up “fatass”, or “chinks” or “kikes” or any other derogatory or insulting name for other people? Especially when you are looking to get some constructive response from your OP? So, while on one hand I feel for RexDart’s predicament, I feel very little sympathy for him when he uses terms like “fatass” as if they trip off his tongue with no thought or effort.
I think the whole “hour glass” figure is important. I think that’s what distinctly makes a woman appear to be a woman.
If I can look at you from behind (let’s keep breasts out of the equation) and be able to distinctly say “yep, that’s a woman all right” then you are probably good in terms of weight.
A lot of factors go into what is “fat”. These include the distribuition of the weight, weight relative to height/underlying frame specs, ‘sloppiness’ (for lack of a better term, basically how free moving the fat is and how much skin distortion is involved), obvious difficulties of health etc resulting from the weight (a girl who takes a few steps and gets winded will seem ‘fatter’ than one of essentially equivellent looks who can do a nice brisk jog before she starts getting a little winded) and bearing/posture. Slouching soul crushed girls look less appealing in general and it highlights unflattering characteristics, or more appropriately makes characteristics appear unflattering.
A woman who is overweight or describable as a bit hefty etc is generally not a bad thing appearance wise. Seriously there are too many girls who think if their stomach makes anything resembling a roll and thus hasn’t collapsed in on itself they are too fat. No. You are too fat when your weight impedes a good life. You may be too fat for certain people to find attractive but there are lots of guys who have wider intervals, differently centered intervals or absolutely no preference with regards to weight. Also some guys (like me) have varying scales and are more concerned about how the whole comes together than any certain feature (I’ve never been fond of, or good at, the “Man imagine her with that chick’s knockers.” type thinking).
There is one male perspective for you FaerieBeth.
On preview I also agree to a fair deal with Blalron and am reminded of a quote from the Anita Blake series “Anything smaller than a size 2 is a boy with breasts.”
Fatass is nowhere near chink or kike. And as for no one using insulting names in the freaking pit, what rock are you living under? You’d be hard pressed to find a thread in here that didn’t insult something or someone.
Once again I say, no one cares who or what you find attractive!
It was just pointed out that equating “fat” with “loser” and is fucking rude. Rexdart never said “I am not attracted to fat girls” he said he was afraid of ending up “stuck with some fatass loser chick.” Is it really that hard to see why that is offensive?
How many fucking times do we have to go over this???
If you aren’t attracted to fat people, that’s fine.
For you to say that fat people are losers or automatically unattractive or only able to find a relationship with someone who’s desperate is not fine.
Why is this so hard?
I, personally, don’t find overweight guys attractive at all. I’ve never been attracted to a guy who was even a little bit chubby. But I won’t say that heavy guys are losers, and I won’t assume that a woman with a heavy guy is “settling.” I just assume that she finds different things attractive than I do. Geesh.
I don’t have a problem with the fact that you are not sexually attracted to fat women. I am generally not attracted to fat men.
The only things I have a problem with are as follows:
Treating fat women unkindly, abusively, or cruelly. Or fat men. Fat people are just as worthy of respect and decent treatment as not-fat people, and there is no legitimate excuse to behave otherwise.
Men who can and do enjoy sexual activities with fat women, * but won’t be seen in public with them * or have them as a girlfriend, take them home to Mother, or otherwise behave in a manner that indicates that they are ashamed of the fat woman they are enjoying fucking, are scum and deserved to be treated like scum.
Wait, wait, wait! LunaSea, et al, what I meant by that comment was the RexDart used two modifiers: “fatass” and “loser.” If you parse the sentence, each of them has independent meaning. Each of them modifiers the noun “chick.” So that means that “fatass” does not equal “loser.” It means that RexDart was referring to a distinct subset of “chicks” who are both “fatasses” and “losers,” thereby excluding two other subsets of “chicks”: those that are “fatasses” but not “losers” and those that are “losers” but not “fatasses.”
Pot. Kettle. Black. Or alternatively, the product of a highly refined sense of humor so ironic and dry that I was whooshed until I added this last sentence on preview.
Sometimes I sit here in my chair (on my decidedly fat ass) and wonder how it is possible we are having this argument publicly. How, in the year 2003, with all the politically correct crap that’s going on Airline sued for “eeny meenie miney mo”, etc.) with all the medical evidence that weight is genetic and dieting doesn’t work, (for example, I had gastric bypass surgery in December - I’ve been keeping an eye on my calories and have been eating about 1200 calories a day or so for the past month - haven’t lost one pound in three weeks. That’s my metabolism, folks - I can’t overeat. Don’t tell me dieting works. I’ve got it under control and don’t need any advice on this, BTW.) can people still get away with being so nasty to people who are overweight?
The title of this thread is an example. Anti-anti fat people. If you are an anti-fat person, you’re a jerk. What right do you have to be nasty, mean and outspoken about fat people? Would you do the same about bald people? (I use ‘bald’ instead of race because race is really overused in these types of comparisons.) Would you tell a bald person that they really look bad and need to get hair plugs or for pete’s sake at least a hair piece? Not if you’ve got any sense of decency, you won’t. And if you did, it would be a dickhead thing to do.
Look. I could really give a rat’s ass who you’re attracted to. I really don’t care. But don’t you dare talk down to me (or anyone in front of me) because of weight. You pompous, self-righteous ass.
Oh - one more thing. Maybe you’d get laid if you work on your personality. This fat chick gets it whenever she wants it. How come you don’t? (Wonder if being a jerk has anything to do with it? Hmmmm…)
Who is to say what is offensive enough of a term to fat people? Are there some rules somewhere, written down, which will give us this wisdom, or are you just assuming that you can dictate what is and is not offensive enough?
So, tell me—would “fat sow” be bad enough? Would “fat waste of flesh” be bad enough? How about a simple “fat loser”? How do you rate “fatass” on a meter of offensiveness? Do you think that fat folks really can’t figure out that “fatass” is not a complimentary term? And do you think that perhaps, just perhaps, the overall tone in the OP in question (“settling”, etc.) gave more potency to the term “fatass”? That perhaps context had something to do with it?
And in regards to this being the pit—it works both ways. We can call each other names, sure. And when someone is offensive and insulting in the pit, by golly, the rest of us may just call them on it.
And, just in case all the other people repeating this didn’t get through yet: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NOT BEING ATTRACTED TO A PARTICULAR TYPE. I think we all can agree, everyone is entitled to their preferences. That’s just fine, as long as they are not being pig-headed and insulting about it. Using a little tact and class never killed anyone.