My glorious life as a fat person!

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve been fat since I was in high school. Of course, I was a size 14/16 (depending on the manufacturer) and considered that fat. I tried joining the US Air Force after I graduated, but was too fat—by two pounds—to be accepted. I went on a diet and gained weight. Yes, it is possible to go on a diet and follow it strictly and still manage to gain weight.

I was at an all-time high of 272 pounds in August of 2000. Yeah, unhealthy. Believe me, it wasn’t fun. No one just decides to get fat for the helluvit. It’s not a ride in the park. But I was going through some unbelievably painful events in my life, and for the one and only time in my life my depression affected my appetite the way I wanted it to, and I quit eating. I lost down to 205 pounds, and was convinced that I’d never gain weight again. Then, because of a disease I have (incurable, thank you very much), I was on a 6-month course of drug hell that wreaked havoc with my depression, my weight, and my gpa. I’m off the medicine now, and back up to 235 pounds. I’m trying desperately to get it back off and the rest, but it’s not easy.

You want to know what it’s like to be fat?

I once had a boyfriend tell me that men liked having sex with fat women but didn’t like to admit it.

I remember walking across the street once by a university. A car full of frat boys sped up when they saw me. As I jumped out of the way to avoid being hit, they yelled, “Fat Bitch!!!” out the window at me. I was in tears—how could they justify that epithet just by the fact that I was fat?

I know what it’s like to go to a store and not be able to find anything that fits. I know what it feels like to have to wear old-lady clothes when you’re in your 20’s and 30’s. The cute, hip stuff wasn’t made to look good on a fat person, even when you do manage to find it in your size.

I know what it’s like to go grocery shopping as a fat person. People look at you, look in your cart, and look back at you. If you have junk food in your cart, they have a very superior smirk on their faces. If you have healthy food in your cart, they seem to be mentally asking where I hide the food.

I know what it’s like to go get takeout for a two or more people. I walk—by myself—into a fast food restaurant and place an order for two cheeseburgers, two orders of fries, and two soda pops. They say, “Yes, ma’am, is that for here or to go?” HELLO!

I once was in the student union building at a university eating my lunch. As I got up to take my lunch tray and put it away, an insensitive creepoid stopped and stared at me. I had done my hair and makeup nicely that day, and was dressed well, and for one brief glimmer I hoped he was going to say something at least polite. Instead he bellowed, “Look at those breasts! Wow! Look at those breasts!” And of course, everyone turned and looked, and I fled as quickly as possible, burning with embarrassment and humiliation.

I know what it’s like to be rejected by my husband because of my weight. “Gosh, honey, I’m too tired.” “Gosh, honey, I’ve got a gig.” “Gosh, honey, I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel like it.” And don’t think that the occasional pornographic pictures I find around the house help me feel any better about myself, you dipwad!

Guess what? I’m a real person down inside here. I have feelings, I have brains, and I have a backbone. I have muscle, and I’m not going to allow anyone to push me around. Anyone who wants to judge me negatively because I’m fat is too ignorant to be a desirable companion for me anyway. I’m smart. I’ve got a high GPA; I’ve already written one novel and have several others and a play on the way. Every time I’ve left a job, it’s taken two people to replace me. I work full-time as a secretary and research assistant; I’m a full-time college student; and a writer.

Don’t sit there on your skinny butt and tell me what I need to do to lose weight. And don’t think you’re superior to me in some manner because I have a problem you don’t have. I’d rather carry a burden of fat than carry some of the crap you’re toting around.

I know more about nutrition than you’ll ever know in your life, because you’ll never bother to take the time to look anything up. Do you know what it’s like to be desperately trying to lose weight, sticking to a diet, and gaining weight no matter what? Do you know what it’s like to be sticking with your eating plan and being so hungry that people you work with can hear your stomach growling?

Get off my back! If you want to help me, you can do it by going to the gym with me, by not complaining if I choose to fix healthy foods, by not bringing me chocolates as a gift, by treating me the same way you like to be treated.

I’m a human being, dammit!!! And I’m going to do what’s right for me, so screw off! (obscene gesture smiley)

2

aren’t you just full of piss and vinegar!!
Yes, I do check out the fatties cart in the store, I also check out the skinny people’s cart. I also check out the lone guy that buys a pack of beer and a couple of items that make me think he lives alone.
Sure I have thought fattie, please don’t buy the junkfood. Clothes aren’t made to fit everyone equally. I think this is cause some labels want to only look good on skinny people, some sort of a status thing - good looking people wear X brand of clothing.
Now with the Southwest rule about fatties on the plane I think there is even more attention on the overweight.
At least half my fam are fatties to the point where normal getting in and out of cars is a chore, same with walking to get somewhere. Much harder on a body to have all that weight.
Furniture also wears out faster. There are a bunch of things in society that are not made for fat people. I have even read an article about the shocks on hertz’s being unable to handle the heft of the body.
I am sorry that you are overweight, even more sorry that you have no control. But looking at my family I can tell you that there are fat people that can control their weight and Choose Not To. You may feel that no one chooses to be fat, some people don’t care enough to stay skinny.
Those are the ones that are ruining it for you, hate the other fatties!

3

Preach it, sister! I hate that. I’m not a huge girl, more like ample which means that depending on the cut I can wear anything from a 14 to an 18. But why is it that things in those sizes are regularly limited to polyester polka-dot blouses and bright pink tent-tops? Or, almost as bad, the “I’m a big girl but I don’t care, and I can wear anything the skinny girls can” clothing line which consists of kicky little mini-skirts or stretch pants that I wouldn’t be caught dead in. Is there no middle ground, people! Would it kill you to design and market clothing that looks good on the majority of the population!? You’d think the laws of supply and demand would apply to us curvy girls, too. Gah.
Yet another reason I love my sewing machine.

bella

4

ps. the fast food guy is just doing their job. I am not overweight and have bought a couple combos (to take somewhere) and been asked the question. I take it the same as do you want ketchup with that.

AND, the horrible stories about the guys telling you things to make you feel bad, I feel bad with you.

5

C4C, I recently had a surgery done that has really hlped me out. I have lost almost 70 pounds in the last 4 months. If you want to check it out I have started a thread about it on the My humble opinon page. Sorry I don’t have time right now to post a link but you can just do a search from the last month on my name to find it. Its worth a read even if you don’t think its an option for you. I too tried about every diet out there. I am very happy with my decision to have the surgery and would do it again if I had to choose.

6

I’m just curious. With the “look at those breasts” guy, why on Earth did you not punch him straight in the nose and laugh when a waterfall of blood poured out of both his nostrils onto his shirt?

Just wondering.

7

Why do you look at other people’s carts? Why do you care? Why are you so sure that the lone guy actually lives alone?

8

crazy4chaucer

I know how you feel (believe me) and sympathize. All I can say is the people worth knowing won’t judge you by your appearance.

Simp: Drop dead. Really. That wasn’t a particularly interesting attempt at getting a reaction, although the thought of an intelligent, articulate person like C4C being judged by an inarticulate moron like you did give me a chuckle, so I guess your post wasn’t entirely useless. (“fattie”? “no self-control”? :rolleyes: You couldn’t do better than that?? C’mon. If you’re going fishing, at least try to use better bait)

Fenris

9

I read a book recently. It’s called “Fat!So?” I totally and wholeheartedly recommend it to every fat woman. Go to your library- today- and find a copy. Or amazon it. It’s hilarious, gives some straight talk about the success of diets and the possibility that you can be healthy, gorgeous, AND fat- and has great illustrations.

10

Always remember and never forget the wise words my Dear Old Father once taught me as he dandled me on his knee, as a curly-haired tot: “People Are Assholes.” I’m going to have that embroidered on a sampler.

11

Simp: You’re sorry I have no control? I’m sorry you have no compassion! dipwad!

airdisc: I didn’t punch him out 'cause I’m a usually nice Mormon girl. Honestly didn’t even occur to me. I was just so stunned that I didn’t know what to do.

FunLvnCriminal: I’ve been researching the roux-en-y for several months now, and I’m waiting to see if insurance will approve it. In the meantime, Mr. c4c is acting like an ass about it, insisting that such a drastic measure isn’t right for me. Our argument about it is what prompted this rant from me. Of course, bear in mind that Mr. c4c weighs less than 150 pounds, can (and often does) eat an entire cake in less than 24 hours, and has no clue what any of this is like to deal with!

Thanks for the kind words, all–it’s been an intensely frustrating week!

12

My own little take on being overweight:

I myself am an overweight guy, 6’2" 250. I wear it ok, most people guess my weight 30 lbs lower than that, I don’t look obese, but there’s a nice gut on there. I don’t blame a single person for mocking the overweight, and I deserve every bit of it. (Of course, a little civility in public is always the right way to be, and comments like the one made to the OP should be kept in private.)

It is MY fault I’m overweight, just like it is for 99.9% of the people in this world who are overweight. I have chosen to be mostly sedentary, and I love to eat, and I hate vegetables. I try to do what I can, drink mostly diet soda, unsweetened tea, etc., but it’s a simple lifestyle choice. Yes it gets harder to lose weight when we get older, but at a young age we all have the choice of what body we will have.

I don’t expect healthy women to want to date me. I clearly don’t deserve to have them date me. I’ve let myself get overweight, it’s my fault. If I wanted to date cute college girls, I’d lose 50 pounds. Since I have resolved not to settle for a fat girl, I pretty much just don’t date. There are greater things in the world. As Brad Pitt’s character in “Fight Club” said, “We’re a generation of men raised by women…I’m starting to wonder if another woman is really what we need.”

People are biologically conditioned to look for certain physical characteristics in a mate, characteristics that illustrate health. Sometimes social conditions can override this, as when plump men were found attractive during the middle ages because it was a sign of wealth that they were eating well.

A biological standard of attractiveness for women might include wider child-bearing hips, but it has never included chunky thighs, and you can’t expect a man to be attracted to a 200 lb woman, regardless of her build. We men need visual stimulation for sex, it’s just part of the biology. We can’t just think about how we feel about a person, we must picture the person in our mind. How we feel is still important, but it won’t “get it up” biologically. Men need pornography once and awhile, it’s about visual stimulation and not about the person. If the OP’s husband didn’t use porn once and awhile he’d be looking for visual stimulation in real women, far more dangerous to a relationship.

We’re a generation of people who have been raised in a world of 12-step programs, people that tell us we’re powerless to control our lives against temptations. We the overweight are not victims, we’ve chosen our path. I would not expect society to bend itself to my needs even if it hadn’t been my fault, why should I expect that?

13

I’m really sorry. People suck. :frowning:

14

There are ugly skinny people and beautiful fat people. Skinny does not automatically equal good-looking.

Yes, everyone is different. So howzabout we don’t apply one generalized assumption to everyone, m’kay? And yes, some of us “fatties” (thanks ever so much for that characterization, by the way) have found a balance in our lives that allows us to be happy albeit with some extra pounds. For some of us, the diet that would put us at a weight that would make YOU happy would be a real bitch. I’d rather enjoy my life, thanks. Being skinny is not the be-all and end-all of my existence. And my weight is none of your damn business.

FisherQueen: I have that book. It’s great!

15

You know, it’s all well and good for you to have your own opinions and standards–as stupid as they may be–but do us all a favor and try not to hide your displaced self-hatred behind pseudo-scientific bullshit, m’kay?

16

While I sympathize with your well-written plight, may I humbly submit that perhaps I know a bit about nutrition as well, and might even have an insight into why this is occuring?

Let me know if you want to hear it.

17

<<A biological standard of attractiveness for women might include wider child-bearing hips, but it has never included chunky thighs, and you can’t expect a man to be attracted to a 200 lb woman, regardless of her build.>>

Yeah, but you can’t expect a woman to be attracted to a man who buys his women by the pound.

One of the most sexy women I know weighs more than that, and I’ve seen her at a party with a guy snuggled up on either side. Sexy isn’t a size, it’s an attitude. Not everyone is, not everyone wants to be, but size doesn’t make you a sexual pariah.

As for those dorky clothes, crazy4chaucer, have you ever considered making your own or altering ones you buy in the store? A little bit of tailoring can go a long way, and you can make a long gathered skirt that looks really nice in about an hour. (Goes well with a poet shirt, a t-shirt, or whatever-you-got shirt.) You also have the freedom to decide where clothes should fit on YOU, instead of having to squish your body into whatever sized-up shirt, pants, or skirt the fashion industry cobbled together.

18

As someone who heard their ex say that I was fat and eat like a pig, I understand and completely empathize with your thoughts.

Fuck 'em all.

19

This is the only part of your (other wise excellent and poignant) rant that I don’t get. That’s a standard question. The people behind the counter must ask it No Matter What, and they’re mostly on autopilot anyway. Moreover, if they don’t see anyone with you, it doesn’t mean you’re alone in the place. Often my friends/husband and I split the line & table duties. Once person does the ordering, the other stakes out the least slimy table to sit at. I really don’t think there’s a veiled insult in the question.

20

Sorry!! That control part is wrong. I thought that the OP can’t control her weight because of health problems, not lack of willpower.
My comment is that I am sorry you have other things to worry about (with your health and medication) and a side effect is that you are fat.
I wouldn’t feel bad if you lack willpower.