My glorious life as a fat person!

The BBQ Pit
21

**Rex Dart[/b[, if I were single and you were gay, I’d be all over that. I, for one, think that the defined, 6-pack abs look is attractive to look at, but not so great in the sack. I loike my men on the plus size because I like to be able to hold on to a man, and these skinny guys have no riding room. Don’t for a second think you’re not attractive.

Re C-4-C, while I don’t know your husband, I’d think that he is allowed to decline sex when he’s tired or not “up” to it. Unless he’s being a jerk in other ways, I’d cut him some slack.

In the burning body fat quest, you gotta be patient and love yourself. We’re not all meant to look a certain way, and women are brainwashed these days into thinking they have to look like 13-ywar-old boys. Just concentrate on getting fit, not thin. That means
No crash diets

No starving yourself

Eat 5-6 small meals during the day: low carb, low-fat. Eat tuna, chicken, egg white omelets, whole grains, fruits, and veggies. Stay away from bread, pasta, and other empty calories.

Moderate exercise–just do enought to challenge your stamina and strength a little bit every day.

Keep believing in yourself!

22

I wouldn’t mind mr c4c declining if he’s tired. The problem is I haven’t gotten any in almost a year now. That’s not happy. And I’m sorry, but I was heavy when we met, and when we got married. If it was a problem for him (which I can understand–I wouldn’t be attracted to myself), he shouldn’t have married me.

I do exercise, and when I stick to a vegetarian diet for the most part I tend to lose weight. I do have faith that I can get it back off. As I said, it’s been a very frustrating week and I just dumped it all out right here. Thanks again for the encouragement, everyone.

And Symplicity, sorry I misunderstood. Thanks for the clarification.

23

Whew! Lemme stop giggling, wipe the tears out of my eyes, and
get to work here!

This may be true. AFAIK, though, the jury’s still out on genetic predisposition. However, I won’t argue with YOU if you insist that you’re an unhealthy slob. Also, throwing out the 99.9% #, unless you’re talking about death or taxes, makes you sound like even more of an idiot. Maybe your brain doesn’t get too much exercise either!

Heh. Not too sure about that. I don’t know if they go for losers, regardless of weight.

Are you using the nationally accepted guideline charts for a healthy weight? What your buddies think? How do you determine this? And, come on, let’s be honest, how many girls, fat or not, are breakin’ down your door, buckaroo?

Let’s put away that paintbrush, sparky, and change “a man” to “this man”. If you have problems getting it up for women of a certain weight, or, as I suspect, at all, there’s not a thing wrong with that. However, let’s not apply this to the whole male population, OK?

No problem with this, especially since you are focusing on yourself, not trying to stereotype an entire sex.

I have some extra pounds on me, and they’re all in the right places, if I do say so myself. Do I work on losing weight and exercising, rather than sitting around and whining about it, like you do? Sure do.
Have I gotten any man I wanted?
Just about.
Am I in a committed relationship right now with a man who thinks I’m hot?
You betcha.
Now, does that mean that YOU would ever be attracted to me?
Probably not. Is that OK? Absolutely. Admiring a thin body type is natural, and there ain’t a thing wrong with it.
However, bottom line as I see it=
We’ve both got some extra pounds that need to be shed.
You’ve got a lot of “issues” and rationalizations.
I’ve got an exercise regime, Weight Watchers, and a raging sex life.
Sucks to be you.

24

C4C, it brings tears to my eyes to think of those horribly rude people. Wtf.

I’ve never been fat, but I was an ugly duckling. So I know exactly what its like to be humiliated in public like that. Those people…they’re just assholes. It doesn’t really make you feel better about it tho, does it? I still remember that shit and it was 10 years ago…

25

I’m not overweight for my height by any medical definition, but I certainly have enough pounds to be looked down on, especially in the gay community. Since my weight poses no physical danger to me, I decided a few weeks ago that the weight wasn’t the problem, my disgust with it was.

I’ve been a really wide range of weights. I was 250 pounds in high school, and almost skeletal when I was borderline homeless. But when I get three meals a day, I put on weight until I level out at between 150 and 160.

What’s important to me now is to stop caring about this. My weight doesn’t hurt me. It sure as hell doesn’t hurt anyone else. I’m tired of walking past the “Health” and seeing all these airbrushed skeletons in bathing suits smiling back. That is not health – that is very, very sick.

Fat is not a moral issue – in extreme cases, it is occasionally a health issue, but not nearly as often as it is claimed to be. A person with a few extra pounds does not necessarily lack willpower. Body types are different.

And even when it’s not a question of body types, it may simply be a question of priorities. Except for a few lucky souls, most people have a lot of trouble reaching the weight standards society sets --and some people have better things to do than live at a gym. And some of us would like to enjoy a well-prepared, rich meal without the guilt – our own at that foisted upon us be self-important anoerexics.

And let’s talk about guilt, shall we? Why do I live in a society that doesn’t mind what it’s doing to the environment, doesn’t care that little children are putting together its running shoes, doesn’t care about ther homeless, but feels incredibly guilty about eating the slightest bit of fat?

There are better uses for guilt than to make you feel you should be spending all your waking hours trying to achieve that Sally-Struthers-will-be-speaking-on-my-behalf-look.

26

None of that , now. Everybody is attractive to somebody else–if your husband doesn’t appreciate you, I guarantee you’re a goddess to some lucky guy.

Here in the DC area, I’ve met many Dopers, a significant fraction of whom are pushing a 27+ BMI. They have spouses they love and who love them. Having a little extra mass does not in any way mean that you’re not sexy. Chris Rock has a whole routine on overweight black women who KNOW they’re going to get some. In addition, there’s a few hefty male Dopers I’d totally nail if they weren’t straight (and attached). What makes a person sexy isn’t just the looks; it’s the intelligence, the sense of humor, the desire to learn and explore, the passion for life that makes a person attractive.

27

Now c4c, you are just sounding sad. Maybe your health or the last round of meds you were on are really causing more mental problems than you thought.
You are not a happy person who is persucated because of your fat. Even your first post has comments of what you think others think and it is all negative. Granted, you said you had been arguing with the mr.
My opinion is that life is easier when I am thinner and more money. Life will always have it’s problems, your fat doesn’t make you happy or unhappy.

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[sub]Sorry for the hijack[/sub]

You’re inspiring me not be afraid to send a picture to the doper picture page, gobear. Not to mention turning me on.

Homebrew, who is 5-foot 11 and 255.

29

Settle? Settle??

That just says it all, Rex. You’ve completely internalized it. Weight is the alpha and the omega. Sheesh.

It’s happened to me more than once. The sexiest woman I was ever involved with before I was married weighed about 200 lbs. Like someone else here said, sexiness is an attitude, not a waist size.

Speaking from the perspective of the husband of an overweight woman, what she would like from society isn’t for it to ‘bend itself to her needs’, but to simply discontinue the barrage of negativity and criticism that seems to be aimed her way simply on the basis of her weight. That’s all. She doesn’t expect any special help, but a cessation of special criticism (of the sort that C4C has discussed above) would be awfully nice.

C4C: a year?! I assume he’s a Mormon too - I’d think the church elders would flog him for that. But regardless, if he’s not been interested in sex with you in that long, he ought to be interested in counseling to deal with whatever the problem is. And if he’s not interested in counseling, then that’s just unreasonable.

30

(This is in response to the person who didn’t want to date fatter women and mentioned that in the past fat men have been thought attractive)

Not only were fat men accepted, but fat women as well. Just look at some past art to get my meaning, especially Ruben (if I’m spelling this correctly). Just pointing out that in the past, society and men HAVE appreciated and lusted after larger women.
As a side note, this thread just got me to thinking…back to several men I dated in my pre-engaged days (okay a few months ago)…

I dated anyone. I didn’t care about their job, what they looked like, what they weighed, even if they came off as slightly weird when asking me out. I figured that personality and massage skills were going to last a lot longer than a man with a six pack stomache, so I gave all non-jerks a first date. Do you know the quickest way a man could succeed at not having a second date with me?

Start talking about how he would never date a fat woman. (Okay, extra points if he’s rude and deameaning about larger women)

Now, this bothers me especially if that man is not the most attractive. The main thing that goes through my mind is that this man is no Enrique Iglesias, but I’m willing to give him a chance. But, here he is affirming that HE WOULD NOT GIVE ME THE SAME CHANCE IF I WERE NOT THIN AND CUTE per some odd ‘this is how a woman should look’ standard.

I don’t think so.

31

I wanted to apologize for the quality of the above post. I’ve tried twice now to ‘quote’ and post to no avail. I made it this time because I stayed away from the ‘quote’ button which apparently has been the downfall of my posts. :wink:

32

Well, you can call up the people at The Learning Channel (TLC) and ask them. Most of what I know about the subject comes from their programs about human sexuality. There are certain sexual characteristics that are favored and some are disfavored biologically. Wide hips and a ghetto booty are biologically favored because of their childbearing abilities. Being 200 lbs is disfavored because it’s extremely unhealty. If we didn’t pick mates based on health we wouldn’t have survived as a species. Better scientific minds than mine have told me this in person and on scientific TV programs, it makes sense to me.

…and I don’t think it’s stupid to say that a 200 lb. woman isn’t considered attractive. It’s simply true. Look at what people find attractive. Are there any 200 lb. women you’ve ever seen that people consider attractive? I’m not making a statement about people’s innate worth, I’m just talking about what people are programmed to think. If you wanna call it pseudo-scientific, then show me what you consider the real science on this.

33

I had a really horrible weight problem for quite a while. I’ve always been chunky, but a few years ago, I stopped smoking and ended up weighing almost 280 lbs.

I started watching my weight, changed my eating habits and managed to lose about 50 pounds of that before I became pregnant. Fortunately, I’ve managed to keep those same habits during my pregnancy, because while I’ve gained weight, I’ve gained a healthy amount, and have a nice, healthy baby to show for it.

It also helps that my husband thinks I’m beautiful no matter what my shape is, but at the same time, he’s encouraging me to take care of myself because he loves me for ME and not what I look like. And I’m sure he’d like to have me around for as long as possible. :slight_smile:

Oh, and symplicity: Just a friendly warning, but your foot is in your mouth so deep, your calf just disappeared.

Robin

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C4C, I understand and can appreciate your comments. I’ve been big my whole life - up and down - but weighed myself just the other day and found myself at my heaviest I’ve ever been. I can get away with some of this because I’m large-framed and tall but I’m still, simply put, fat.

Throughout my school years, I was the fat, smart, non-athletic kid. Pretty much derided.

I’ve endured years of dismissal by women that will dress-to-impress but seemingly be offended by my attraction to them. If a woman notices me on the street - usually - she’ll look away quickly, I guess she feels if she makes eye contact, then she’ll be encourage me. People feel OK, when they forget my name, referring to me as “Big Guy”. I can’t buy off-the-rack clothes except in big and tall shops.

<aside> there’s something interesting with shopping, a local mall used to have a Catherines, August Max, & Lane Bryant but nothing for a large-sized man. Seems it’s more acceptable, at least in retail, to be large & female than large & male.</aside>

Anyway - I guess I understand and appreciate your rant. For what it’s worth, I like large women & small women & tall women & short women. My wife is a size 26. I’ve dated a woman 6 feet tall, one 4’8", a 5’8" - 100 pound anorexia survivor, & a 5’0" tall - 300 lb sweet friend that tought me a lot about loving myself.

Femininity (sp?) comes in all sizes. Sexiness is about more than physicality - to me it’s about attitude, carriage, & playfulness. Yes, there’s a physical component - to me it’s more about the woman taking care of her appearance than simple measurements.

I’d encourage you to seek counseling with your husband. There may be an underlying problem that you are seeing as his problem with your weight. My ex-wife and I spent our last year basically celibate and it wasn’t about her appearance - it was about relationship issues.

Oh, and RTFirefly, my wife would agree with your life on society’s attitude. Heck, I would, too.

35

No, I don’t, and it hurts me that you do. Fat-phobia really pisses me off. No one has the right to make you feel lazy, or embarrassed, or undesirable. Crazy4chaucer, I suggest finding a fat-positive support board where you won’t be given unsolicited advice about nutritition and will-power and have a safe place to talk about your concerns and get support from people who feel as you do. And avoid morons like Rex Dart.
Rex Dart:

Perhaps your Learning Channel “education” forgot to cover the Venus of Willendorf.

“She stands as a sexually-charged embodiment of fertility.” Apparently our ancestors did find fat women attractive and valuable. I suggest turning off the cable and picking up a book once an awhile.

You are correct…your ignorance goes far beyond stupidity and I lack the desire and patience to correct it.

36

After seeing some of the other posts on this thread, I want to clarify what I meant in my original post.

For me, dating a 200 lb. girl would in fact be “settling.” I, like every man I’ve ever met and talked to on the subject, simply do not find them attractive. I like short girls, 5’6" or maybe a couple inches taller at most. Anyone who could stuff 200 lbs. into that frame is definitely not for me. (I have yet to see the body shape into which those pounds could be stuffed attractively on a woman, perhaps an athlete of some sort.) I have simply realized that, to the entirety of my experience, the girls I find attractive do not find me attractive. My post was my way of saying, “OK, I understand that, I will deal with that, people’s sexual preferences aren’t their fault, they’re programmed.”

I recently went after a girl with the exact same problem as I have. She was 5’7" in the mid-hundreds area on weight. I overlooked some less flattering sexual characteristics (though her nice breasts and big booty were turn-ons) because I thought we had alot in common intellectually. She rejected me because she didn’t find me sexually attractive. Rather than think, “she better lower her standards because she ain’t no prize,” I understood the attitude. Just because we are overweight doesn’t mean we find other overweight people attractive. A relationship has to start with attraction, otherwise you wouldn’t notice each other out of the crowd of people you meet every day.

The poster sidle seems to have enjoyed calling me both an idiot and impotent. Well, it is The Pit after all. I wouldn’t consider myself a “loser” as you call me, but if you can judge that about me from one honest post, then go ahead. I won’t stop you.

People often try to attack the standard model of attractiveness because it makes people feel bad. Guess what, I don’t feel bad. I know I’m overweight and that this will prevent me from having a sexual/romantic relationship with attractive girls. So what? I have goals in my life that I seek to achieve, this gives me purpose. I have a number of good male friends for comraderie. I don’t need women. It would be nice, but it would also be time-consuming and distracting from achieving my goals. If at some point I desire that side of life, I will make the changes I have to…only if the cost is worth the benefit, which it isn’t right now. I don’t need a bunch of feel-good hippies redefining sexuality to make me feel better about being overweight. It’s just another condition of one’s life that affects how people relate to each other, you can’t change it so why complain?

37

Oh man, I totally have to agree with you there! I generally am attracted (within reason, no plastic bits allowed) to standard issue cultural norm, but I have met a few “ample” women that aggressively defy that.

One friend of mine in particular exudes this sort of stately sexuality that makes it impossible for e to breath around her.

38

I cannot BELIEVE people will just blurt out any old thing like that. That is the most disgusting thing!

c4c, they’re assholes. Just tell them-“I may be fat but I can go on a diet. But you’ll always be an asshole.”

FUCK THEM.

symplicity-get bent.

39

c4c

Another formerly fat person talking to you. I am 66" tall and the last time I weighed myself prior to losing my weight was 232 or thereabouts. I didn’t start losing weight until about 18 mos after that.

I totally understand what you are going through like so many other posters here do. I remember the snide comments by others, but most importantly, I remember how I felt. I couldn’t climb a flight of stairs without becoming winded. [TMI ALERT]I remember how the insides of my thighs were always chafed from rubbing together when I would wear shorts in the summer[/TMI ALERT], I also remember how I felt about myself. I, too, gained weight on weight loss programs and will never forget the looks on the other people’s faces in the program when they would learn that I had gained rather than lost weight. PURE spite.

One day I decided that I had had enough. For two weeks I carried a small notepad with me everywhere. Anytime something went into my mouth, I wrote it down. After those two weeks, I took a look at the notepad and was surprised at how poorly I really was eating. I drastically reduced the amount of fat in my diet. That’s all I did. Now, I weigh 128 pounds. I have kept the fat off for a little over five years now. It’s work. I won’t lie, but just being able to climb a flight of stairs without sucking wind? It makes it all worth it.

A fair warning. Make sure that when you go for the goal, consult with your doctor, get his opinion on your plan. One thing that I can tell you is that while I feel better physically, I still see myself as being overweight. Quite honestly, I attribute this to the treatment I received from others while I was overweight. Once enough people refer to you as ‘fatass’, ‘fat cow’, or ‘fat bitch’ you begin to think of yourself that way. Discrimination against fat people, as many of us know, is one of the few remaining ‘okay’ discriminations out there.

Be strong and know that there are many of us out here that are cheering you on. As for the ones that are posting crappy comments to you? Try to remember what I said about discrimination. :frowning:

40

Did skinny women in Victorian times (or whenever it was that fat=beautiful was a social norm) have these rants? Did they rail against tailors because they couldn’t get a cute corset in their size? Did they try various techniques to gain wait to no avail (“I’ve been on the chocolate crepes/languor diet for 3 weeks and Im still losing weight!”)?

You really can’t believe it, Guinastasia? People say cruel shit to other people all the time. I am not overweight, and I’ve had all kinds of mean and hurtful things said to me (and I imagine a few more after this post :D). I doubt anyone has gone through life without their share of mean comments. People are assholes, and you better start dealing with it around the time you start dealing with people on a regular basis.

As has been mentioned repeatedly, fat doesn’t make you unattractive. Wallowing in self pity does. Having the right attitude, the ability to ignore the assholes of the world, and the initiative to take responsibility for your own happiness goes a long way in looking good to the world. Most of us don’t allow comments from a car full of frat boys to get us down.

Am I the only one who finds the “pity the fat person because she can’t wear the clothes she wants” line particularly pathetic? Ooh yeah, I’m really sad you cant fit in the designer jeans on display. Stop letting stupid people (i.e. the media, clothing designers, other people in general) define your worth and find happiness on your own terms.