Hey! How does it come to pass that I get blamed for everything?
viva, you’re freaking brilliant. Thank you.
LMAO.
From Chef’s Recipe Book: “Dog is best served with roasted potaoes and gravy - add a little rosemary to the gravy while it simmers, for a festive holiday flavor! Or, if you prefer something a little spicier, ginger and cinnamon will give your gravy that exotic spark. Your guests won’t forget that dinner anytime soon!”
Hey, you got Collie on my soup!
Well, you got soup on my Collie!
Hey, that’s not bad…slurp!
Tars, Honey, stop slurping the Collie.
And stop calling the Slurpee, too.
It is not blame; it is credit! It is a tribute! You were instructing Kn*ckers back in the Spotted Dick days–no, I’m not willing to let go of that yet–and I remembered your instructions. It is an honor, you see.
Kn*ckers, you are most welcome. I am happy you’re happy. Are you happy that I’m happy you’re happy? How could we not be happy. We are thrilled. And we liked your kicked-up-a-notch recipe ideas.
I’m happy that you’re happy I’m happy.
I’d be sad if you were sad that I’m happy. So, then I wouldn’t be happy; I’d be sad. The only question that remains is whether you would be sad that I was sad, In which case you would be sad whether I was happy OR sad, and I would be forced to suggest you consider therapy.
This post brought to you by the squirrel brain that was planted in my skull, after the aliens took out my REAL brian, and used it as a volleyball.
But…
You were programmed not to notice!
I didn’t notice, but the squirrel did, so when I got his brain I acquired all his knowledge.
Suddenly, I want an acorn…
You didn’t see me do it.
You can’t prove that I did it.
The statute of limitations has expired.
Well, I have a question…
One day last week, i decided to get my bike out. It was a nice, sunny day, kind of breezy and cool, just right to not work up much of a sweat, as I was just wanting a relaxing trip around the lake. The People In Charge Of The Stuff Around The Lake™ made a really nice trail around said lake a few years ago. It used to be, if you wanted to make a complete circoit of the lake, you had to bike (or run, blade, tap dance) out in traffic for about a mile or so. Now, we’ve got marked off trail all the way around (if you count the parking lot at the NE corner of the lake as trail. I do, regardless of those nasty police guys. ((Hey, I didn’t know she was 15. She looked 17!))) {{{{You know, I’m still pissed about that. What?! I’m supposed to card everyone I’m selling beer to? HA! You thought I was Macking, you sons (and daughters) of what business is it of yours anyways?)}}}}
Okay, so I’m out biking… And these two birds come flying up to me. (To be clear to the Brits reading this, NOT girls… real evolved flying feathered dinosaurs.) Well, one of the birds landed right on my handle bars! The other was fluttering around my head, chirping and twitting (much like I fantasize about Viva and Kn(I"mnotagoddamnbird,psyco!)ckers when I read their posts… 
), but not landing.
I yell, “Go away, you evolved dinosaurs!”
And they left!
Huh?!?
I guess I have power over birds.
So, I went to some clubs later that night and tried it out on some other birds. The human female kind.
Damned if I didn’t run into two of my ex girlfriends within minutes of each other.
I have a really long story to tell about this, if you want to know more.
Well, the three women and one guy I went downtown with thought that I had set up at least one of the chance meetings. I told them, “Hey, it’s OKC! There’s not that many places that people our age and taste would go, right?” I mean, really, it WAS a coincidence.
So my question:
How can I get blood and makeup stains out of my light blue silk shirt?
i didn’t steal no brain!
[sub] the probing, on the other hand…[/sub]
I wish someone would take mine… it’s throbbing. 
I’M NOT GAY!
I was never here.
You ain’t heard this from me.
It don’t make me no nevermind nohow.
Could you guys wait until the chemicals wear off?
C’mon, isn’t anyone going to help poor NCB with his question?
I’m still trying to figure out why he fantasizes about girls fluttering around his bicycle (seems like he’d run them over…), and why he goes to clubs to pick up dinosaurs, but I’ll address the query:
Hydrogen peroxide does an amazing job on bloodstains (take it from one who knows), but I’ve never figured out how to get makeup stains out of ANYTHING.
Also, silk’s pretty delicate, so it might not take nicely to the peroxide. You might just want to get a new shirt. Or give up altogether and go topless. That’s what I’d do*.
*I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I wear shirts. Now, pants on the other hand…
Give me a break! If I psychoanalyzed NCB, he’d get stains all over the couch.
You know… I figured this thread made no sense last night 'cause of my skull splitting headache but after reading it again today in perfect health, it makes even less sense.
Sit on the couch, Aesiron. Relax.
Tell me about your headaches.
Do you like your Mother?